Nativity?

[Storyboo]

Hi, I’m new here so please be gentle!

I’ve been with my DP for just over a year, we’ve lived together for a month. His little one is 4. He got the nursery newsletter with Christmas event dates and added to our calendar the nativity date and has asked me to book time off work.

I think it’s great, and I would love to go, but things haven’t been great with his ex who is volatile and isn’t over their split, and didn’t take kindly to us being together at first but seems to have mellowed. (I’m not the OW- there wasn’t anyone else involved in the split).

What would you do? Do I go to the nativity which would likely flare arguments? I would love to see him in the nativity and it would be great to be there with the extended family, his granny and grandpa will be there too.

I know we’re not married and I’m not officially a step parent- I just thought this would be the better thread for this question.

I think it may be best not to go. Hopefully your dp will understand your reasons.

No your new to the scene and only lived together a month. Normally navities are limited to two tickets.

Doesn't it depend on how many tickets everyone is allowed? If not restricted then fine, if they are then others would get higher priority than you

You’ve been with him a year. Of course you don’t go to the nativity. I doubt there’ll be a place for the whole of his family that you’ve mentioned. Let alone you. Schools just don’t have the space.

There is absolutely no way I would risk upsetting a mother or causing a drama at a four year olds nativity.

I think its way too early for that tbh

Not your place to go.

For me it's not even about the ex, it's about you've only lived with him a month, and can't have known his kid that long if you only met just over a year ago. See what you're relationship is like next year .

God no you can't go to this or any other events like this.

Some men just love winding their ex’s up.

I wouldn't go, and just tell your DP you've an important meeting. No need to go stirring the pot.

You've been together for really a very short time and if I was in your position I wouldn't dream of going! My partner and I have been together over 3 years (I have 2 children) he doesn't so much as stay over at mine when my children are home, and is only around them every few weeks. He wouldn't even consider he'd be invited to anything like that!

That’s my gut feeling, I just wasn’t sure if I was being unreasonable declining when he’s specifically asked me to take time off.

Thank you!

I wouldn't do it, it would be too awkward for the extended family and his little one would likely pick up on it.

I'd ask dad to take lots of photos (if he's allowed) and then do a lovely tea for when the little one next visits and get the photos out and ask them to tell you all about it, with lots of enthusiastic "oohs" and "ahhs"!

Having been a step parent for around 9 years I would advise against going if there’s the slightest chance of the child being in an uncomfortable position. It hurts me a lot that I never get any involvement in the school stuff (not because I think I’m entitled but because I do a lot of supporting behind the scenes yet never get the little magic moments that these events can bring) but, for my stepchild, that’s the better solution. And because I’ve never been there, my DSD never questions it. I always make a little fuss before/after the event to ensure she knows I care.

Also tbh a Christmas play is more of a parent child event than a bring your girlfriend on a date event

For me, this is entirely about the ex. If things were fine with her and there were enough tickets, then I'd say go. But as she is not happy, I'd definitely not attend, as it could upset her or spark drama and distract from the little boy's special event.

Trust your instincts!

They will likely only allocate 2 tickets. One should always be for the mum and dad. I'm sorry you need to sit this one out

I’m our school they only allocate two tickets so me and ex only go. If there were more tickets I’d be happy for him to bring his gf but he’s made it very clear in the past he won’t tolerate my DH attending events so to make it easier we just have a blanket only us rule

I just wasn’t sure if I was being unreasonable declining when he’s specifically asked me to take time off.

Then you need to tell him that this is not something you want to do.

I was once nanny to a newly divorced couple. When it was parents evening the dad asked me to make him and his girlfriend separate appointments from his ex wife. So I made two sets of appointments and then offered the wide the pick of the appointments and she told me that he had never been to a parents evening in his life. He was just doing it for the drama/to upset his ex.

Your boyfriend should be more sensible than to ask you TBH. Is he trying to aggravate his ex?

You're very new on the scene, leave the family to it.

I think it’s lovely that you care enough to want to go and you sound very kind and sensible,but I would say don’t go if it’s likely to cause upset .
Do something else that is fun for Christmas with the little one .

You sound lovely. At best, your BF sounds like he's lacking awareness, at worse he sounds like he's either looking for a mother substitute or is trying to aggro his ex. I know this is often a particularly punchy board but I would gently suggest you keep an eye on that.

Absolutely not. It's your leave. If you don't want to spend it watching his kid at a nativity that's absolutely fine. Don't let him start guilting you into using your annual leave for his kid.

For me it's entirely about the child