Nativity?

[Storyboo]

Hi, I’m new here so please be gentle!

I’ve been with my DP for just over a year, we’ve lived together for a month. His little one is 4. He got the nursery newsletter with Christmas event dates and added to our calendar the nativity date and has asked me to book time off work.

I think it’s great, and I would love to go, but things haven’t been great with his ex who is volatile and isn’t over their split, and didn’t take kindly to us being together at first but seems to have mellowed. (I’m not the OW- there wasn’t anyone else involved in the split).

What would you do? Do I go to the nativity which would likely flare arguments? I would love to see him in the nativity and it would be great to be there with the extended family, his granny and grandpa will be there too.

I know we’re not married and I’m not officially a step parent- I just thought this would be the better thread for this question.

Is it a only one day show? Could you go on a different day / time to the ex. My kids school had two shows , 1 day for 1 class parents and the next day for other classes parents. But if you could not make one you could attend the other one.

I think new girlfriends and boyfriends should stay away from the schools tbh.

I would feel it was really inappropriate if a new boyfriend had asked me this.

How sad for the kid that their parents can't even be in the same room

Most schools only allow one or two tickets so it's highly unlikely you can go anyway. I would suggest you use this as the reason (he may not realise being the first year)

Depends on how hostile relations are.

I have been to things that dsd has invited me to, but her invitation rather than assumption

Why have you moved in so quickly? A year when there are children involved is nothing OP. Your boyfriend should really take much longer to work out whether this relationship is long term before even introducing you to his child. Moving you in and effectively getting you to be another mother is not something you do after a year.

He is presumably only just 4 as he is still in nursery, so I'm guessing the parents haven't been separated that long

Step back and allow this to be his parents and grandparents.

No I wouldn’t go

If its that hostile then it's still sad

I think it the mother doesn't want OP in the same room - or in a mothering role.

I'm guessing the parents split quite recently, maybe a couple of years ago. Dad has quite quickly met someone new and moved her in etc.

Tough shit. She's not in a "mothering role" for a start.

Tough shit. She's not in a "mothering role" for a start

Wow.

If she can't get over the fact he ex has moved on for her child she needs to deal with that away from her child.

Exactly the point of my original posts.

It's up to the child.

Going to the nativity is very much in the "mothering role". You don't take your friends or a date.

Maybe it is tough shit for the mother, maybe she needs to get over it. Or maybe she can see the relationship is doomed and that the father has rushed the OP into moving in and helping him with his child rather than doing the sensible thing which would be to date for a couple of years and introduce them slowly. Maybe the mother can see that her child is going to be hurt when it all goes to shit and the OP moves out.

Moving in with someone after a short relationship, when they have such a young child is in my view is pretty reckless.

Why the wow?

A child isn't a parent's mini-me.

I wouldn’t go. I’ve been to nativities, when we were well established and been living together a while and when the DC specifically asked me to be there - likewise parents evenings, assemblies, other performances and sports things. There’s no need for you to go this year.

Side note on tickets, all schools are different. At one event the ex was there with two relatives and DH and I were also there. It was a small village school and there were plenty of spaces. Not all only offer two per family. Where that’s the case obviously the mum and dad should go alone if they want to.

I've been to kids nativity plays and I'm definitely not their mother.

I have also been with some of the kids' concerned fathers.

SM here and parent of my own. I wouldn’t go. I have been to these things for DSS and just felt like a spare part anyway. Leave it to his parents.

You take grandparents, aunts etc. Why not a not quite stepmother. Once the relationship is proved solid and OP becomes an important key part of her life she should go if she wants and the child wants. Mum doesn't get a veto.

I wouldn't go as I hate nativity and school plays maybe it's different with your own kid.

The OP doesn't have her own child to know whether she will hate it.

I've been as an aunt, god mother and family friend/baby sitter. Unfortunately some schools put on more than one performance, and I happen to work in jobs with flexible working.

I didn’t come here to ask about my relationship choices including my living arrangements, so I’ll kindly decline to answer this particularly intrusive question.

Yes I was speaking for myself. I hope if next year OP is still in the child's life and they want her to go that OP goes if she wants.

I guess I'm not seeing the relationship as particularly solid, and that its rushed.

Redwingboots I see, I've only ever seen parents and GPs as these things, I wouldn't expect it to be something anyone else would want to go to.

As Pasta said though, the mother does need to not make a hoohaa at the nativity if you do go, she will have to button it for the sake of her child.