Nativity?

[Storyboo]

Hi, I’m new here so please be gentle!

I’ve been with my DP for just over a year, we’ve lived together for a month. His little one is 4. He got the nursery newsletter with Christmas event dates and added to our calendar the nativity date and has asked me to book time off work.

I think it’s great, and I would love to go, but things haven’t been great with his ex who is volatile and isn’t over their split, and didn’t take kindly to us being together at first but seems to have mellowed. (I’m not the OW- there wasn’t anyone else involved in the split).

What would you do? Do I go to the nativity which would likely flare arguments? I would love to see him in the nativity and it would be great to be there with the extended family, his granny and grandpa will be there too.

I know we’re not married and I’m not officially a step parent- I just thought this would be the better thread for this question.

This sums it up nicely

Rule for plays, sports days etc for children that aren't legally yours (so you aren't their biological, adopted or foster parent) - if the child personally asks you to come then you go if there are enough tickets.

Otherwise make up some polite excuse why you are unfortunately unavailable at the time of the event.

Personally I think its ok to not go if you don't want to, especially if it uses up annual leave.

Oh and the child has to ask you unprompted by one of their parents.

It works with step-children, god children, close relations children and friends' children.

I've been with my DP for 4 years & lived together 3 and still wouldn't dream of going to any school productions like that.
It's now not about being 'respectful' to his ex by not going, but they don't have a great relationship, has dragged him to the courts, never happy and I avoid even being in the same town let alone the same room. Couldn't think of anything worse :) But I shall tell my DSD to have a wonderful time and I'll see her when she's back with us...

My point is that the tone deaf dad asked the OP to go not the child.

I agree it's shit of the dad to ask unless the child asked him to. Which I doubt they did tbh.

I'd bow out this year as its so new.

So if the 4yo asks OP, then it's fine to upset the ex?

Totally inappropriate for you to go and I think your partner is a bit of a dick to ask you to.

Mind you, any parent that moves in with a boyfriend or girlfriend after less than a year is clearly not a parent that priorities their child’s well-being. A year is around the time that I’d think the relationship was significant enough to introduce them to the child, not move in with them…I really, really hope for the child’s sake that you’re not one in a long line of ‘step mums’.

Why on earth do you want to go? You're hardly part of the family at this stage.

Yes.

However it is extremely unlikely that a 4 year old will ask and will also check out themselves they can get enough tickets.

The youngest child who has asked me to go to their play was 7 and it was the day before. Myself and the other person invited, we both baby sat her, pointed out we couldn't go at that short notice. The child remembered and next year when she was 8 asked us again with a month's notice as soon as she knew that she could get extra tickets. (Yes she is still smart.)

All other children who have asked me to performances have been over 11 and again they checked out themselves they could extra tickets.

Yes as long as ex is going too if she wants and the relationship is a bit more established.

Adults should be able to put their differences aside.

You should be able to not go with no ramifications OP

OK, but I'm talking about the specific scenario the OP has posted about. Newly living together, ex is unhappy and child is very young? I really don't agree the child asking OP should make a difference here. Not this year.

I agree she shouldn't go this year but it's shit all to do with the ex frankly

It's new for you all, and your partner probably thinks it's nice to include you. He's not wrong, but it's probably too soon. It's also your holiday entitlement, which is a limited resource!

Make up your own (batshit) 'rules' for your own life. Leave others to do the same.

🙄🙄

because it's a kids nativity, she likes the kid & her DP has invited her. I've been to loads, if the parents could get extra tickets ir one wasn't able to make it.

my God sons school always had 2/3 'showings' to make sure they got a good video (yes private) which was great as basically lots of tickets available.

That’s unkind. They’ve moved in together and so are building a life together.

Yes but it's at very very early stages

Oh come on, they've lived together for a few weeks.

OP why did you move in with him, who's idea was it?

Absolutely.

If they both keep bending over for the ex, then they will be doing it forever.

Better to make your boundaries clear from the start.

How is your question relevant to the starting post?

Who cares who decided to move in with whom?

At the moment as the child didn't ask the OP there is no reason for the OP to go to the play.

Batshit to you.

Experienced to others.