Expected to look after stepchildren

[Kelliesmile]

My husband has 2 children from a previous relationship and they both come to stay every weekend. They live over a hours drive away and I collect them on a Friday and take them back on a Sunday evening, we did not have them this last weekend just gone as they were away with their mother. My husband has now just called me asking me to pick them up as they are now home from the weekend away and will be staying with us for the whole week as it is half term (first I've heard of it) So here is my issue, I am on annual leave this week but my husband isnt. He does not have a day off until Saturday. I have made arrangements for this week to catch up with friends, go shopping, have a pamper day ect but now I am unable to do this as I will have to look after the children (aged 5 and 7) while my other half is at work 10 hours a day! I have told him I am not fetching them as I am about to meet a friend for coffee and this should of been discussed with me not just expected of me. My husband is fuming with me and saying I've got to fetch them as the kids mum has made plans now and it's not fair if she has to cancel them!! WTF, what about my plans.... Am i the one being unreasonable here? Nobody has asked me to look after the children all week and I just presumed the next time we had them would be at the weekend. This is my first lot of anual leave since June and was really looking forward to the plans I'd made. My own children are in there late teens so do not need looking after so surely I am free to do what ever I want whilst im off work and not have to look after my step children (who by the way are lovely and we have a really good relationship) Do I ring the ex and explain im busy and could possibly cancel some plans later in the week? (although i dont see why i should have too) or give in and just fetch them? Either way someone is not going to be happy, that being me taking care of 2 kids all week on my own, my other half cause hes upset the ex or the ex herself cause she won't get a child free week (bearing in mind she has every weekend child free) I'm actually quite upset my husband and his ex have made this arrangement without even checking it was ok with me first

It's all good! I'm sure OP won't mind!

No don’t do this.

This happened to me. And I got the response ‘they don’t need looking after as the oldest take care of the youngest’ and ‘it’s their house’. Youngest was 9. Older teenagers did not take care of the 9 year old. I ended up looking after one who was ill, first aiding one who cut her finger, getting nits out one’s hair, cooking all week, cleaning all week, and I had a baby. Ex DH and his ex wife were ‘relaxed’ parents = everyone else looks after the kids or their just were a bit feral.

Unfortunately what I didn’t realise is that this says a LOT about the parents - including your DH. They see you as the new housekeeper. Run!

Whatever you do OP don't give in on this or he precedent is set and you're doomed quite frankly. As a stepmother myself I believe it's good to be flexible and include SC as much as you can.
I always did the pick ups and drop offs for example as SC's mother point blank refused plus it was hard for DH with his commute and there was no way I was letting SC miss out . But this is taking the piss. Don't be taken for a mug.

I’d find a friend who you could stay with for the week if the children are turning up (no idea why you usually do all the driving, that would be over too no matter the reason since there’s obviously zero appreciation). If no one else in your relationship thinks that you matter or your wants and plans are a priority it’s really important that YOU prioritise them because you do matter. And that would be relevant if they were both your children - since they aren’t yours you should think seriously about what this relationship gives you as opposed to what it takes from you!

Why aren't your husband and his ex not collecting and dropping off their kids at the weekends? I am sure you like to relax on a Friday evening and do the same on Sunday. You should not have to do this as they are not your children.

You take this week off work and next thing your expected to mind this selfish pairs kids for the week. He does not want to tell his ex that your not willing to do this because she will have to cancel her plans. What about your plans? He could not organise to take a few days off to mind his own kids but he thinks you waste a week's annual leave to mind them?
The answer is no. I would not cancel your plans. I also tell him that from now on your no longer collecting or dropping his kids on either the Fri or Sun.
I don't think that your being unreasonable at all. You made life easier on the Fri and Sunday and your probably doing most of the childcare at the weekends.
You should not have to use annual leave to mind his kids just because you need the break from work. Also in some companies the few weeks before Xmas can be busy.

Stepkids not your fault but " a pamper day"? I seriously thought those only happened in movies. Not sure what they are. Personally I might offer to help out later in the week .

”How dare you volunteer me to be your unpaid babysitter for the week. No fucking way.”

Keep your plans. Do whatever you want including leaving the house early so that he can’t dump them on you. Hell, I’d go stay in a hotel.

Why on earth are you picking them up and dropping them off every week? Grow a backbone and say no!

Why are you ASKING for permission from your partner to do ANYTHING?

This is red flag stuff.

Sounds like you are in a controlling relationship?

Why are you witj a man who is treating you like the au pair?

Ring Women's aid for advice.

If he sulks or gives you the silent treatment for not minding HIS children, then you are in an ABUSIVE relationship too.

This is not good for your child.
Does he try to mess up your arrangements to see friends?

Ha ha ! These men take the bloody piss don’t they? They’d all be told where to go if that was me! You’ve done your child rearing. It’s not your responsibility

No, you shouldn’t be cancelling any of your plans

Okay if he discussed it beforehand and you agreed to it then made plans might be a different story however, as you weren’t even consulted and just expected to do it now.

You go and enjoy yourself and relax.

You need to take responsibility for his own children

Plus I hope you get paid petrol money for all the taxi and service you do.

You will get people moaning saying oh poor children, but they have two parents. You’re not one of them both of them need to step up in the situation.

My husband is fuming with me and saying I've got to fetch them as the kids mum has made plans now and it's not fair if she has to cancel them!!

It amazes me that so many men are prepared to p*ss off their wives in pursuit of keeping the ex happy!

I also find it strange that OP and her DH have the stepchildren every weekend, that seems a bit much, EOW is a more usual arrangement?

@Kelliesmile

What happened then?;you never came back to the thread.

NO NO NO and NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How dare he !!!!!!!!!!!

YOU ARE NOT BEING UNREASONABLE AT ALL!!!!!

Some men are just insane

Yes ring the ex. Her plans don't trump yours.

Sorry you're DH thinks we live in a patriarchal society. Put him right. It's nit yiyr job to look after the kids without yiyr agreement. He can take a week off to do that.

My husband start to do this little by little ,till one time he ask me to watch them a complete week bc he had a busyness tryp . I put a stop I told him they were his kids his visitations not mine, the visitations are for the kids to expend time with the dad or mom the kids are not coming to visit me. he got my point and he still ask but no more than a day. Parents need to understand the word Visitations.

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It's your own fault op. You never should have dated nor married this man. The moment you knew of the children should have been the last time you two have seen each other..

Op you are also a pushover and perhaps husband pleaser. You are allowing him to treat you like a nanny. He sounds like he's only with you to have a live in nanny. You have shown him it's okay to disrespect, expect, and to treat you these ways.

He is supposed to be spending time with his children, not putting them on someone else.

You knew he was like this beforehand.. this relationship isn't healthy and going to work.

It may be best to permanently leave..remain single for awhile, or permanently (if your choice), your self esteem isn't there..perhaps therapy would be beneficial for you to help you discover this among other things. Learn to respect yourself. Stop being his doormat.

Don't ring the wife. This is your husband's doing, not hers.

Eh? What business is it of yours how OP organises her leave?!

OP your dh is a fucking joker. Tell him you are not a nanny, you are not his servant, and you are NOT available. He has his kids for the week,,ergo he will have to take time off work or sort some paid childcare. Welcome to parenthood, twat.

This thread is from 2022!

Oh ffs that's the third time this week 😡