Expected to look after stepchildren

[Kelliesmile]

My husband has 2 children from a previous relationship and they both come to stay every weekend. They live over a hours drive away and I collect them on a Friday and take them back on a Sunday evening, we did not have them this last weekend just gone as they were away with their mother. My husband has now just called me asking me to pick them up as they are now home from the weekend away and will be staying with us for the whole week as it is half term (first I've heard of it) So here is my issue, I am on annual leave this week but my husband isnt. He does not have a day off until Saturday. I have made arrangements for this week to catch up with friends, go shopping, have a pamper day ect but now I am unable to do this as I will have to look after the children (aged 5 and 7) while my other half is at work 10 hours a day! I have told him I am not fetching them as I am about to meet a friend for coffee and this should of been discussed with me not just expected of me. My husband is fuming with me and saying I've got to fetch them as the kids mum has made plans now and it's not fair if she has to cancel them!! WTF, what about my plans.... Am i the one being unreasonable here? Nobody has asked me to look after the children all week and I just presumed the next time we had them would be at the weekend. This is my first lot of anual leave since June and was really looking forward to the plans I'd made. My own children are in there late teens so do not need looking after so surely I am free to do what ever I want whilst im off work and not have to look after my step children (who by the way are lovely and we have a really good relationship) Do I ring the ex and explain im busy and could possibly cancel some plans later in the week? (although i dont see why i should have too) or give in and just fetch them? Either way someone is not going to be happy, that being me taking care of 2 kids all week on my own, my other half cause hes upset the ex or the ex herself cause she won't get a child free week (bearing in mind she has every weekend child free) I'm actually quite upset my husband and his ex have made this arrangement without even checking it was ok with me first

Your husband is being ureasonable. He needs to book the week off work.

Me too!

Wow. Both the ex and your husband should be sorting this out.
You go and have your coffee and enjoy your time.
He needs to sort this out with his ex. It's not your issue. You should not be used as unpaid childcare to suit them.

This sums it up perfectly.

I think this is a good chance to make a stand and let DH and ex sort out the mess. Perhaps he can take a weeks hols?!! Then this wont' happen again.

Text him to tell him you can't collect or look after his children this week as you have holiday plans. Then switch phone off. If he gets children and then dumps them on you and planning to go into work himself. Make sure you are up and leave house first. Leave kids with him. Enjoy your break. Don't under any circumstances allow yourself to be browbeaten into looking after these children. They have 2 parents for that. I would also tell him in future he needs to collect children himself and his ex needs to pick them back up. Not your kids. Not your responsibility. You sound like a door mat OP and your partner, and his ex are wiping their shitty shoes all over you. Say NO.

Your husband is treating you with zero respect. You are not his personal skivvy at his beck and call, if he wanted you to provide childcare he should have asked.

You’re not available and that’s his problem to sort out, not yours (or his ex wife’s, he agreed to swap his childcare days so her plans shouldn’t be effected either… it’s really not down to her to check he has sorted childcare out).

Yes I think thats an odd question too. Why shouldn't OP have half term off? It's not like only people with kids can have that week off.

Me three!

Argh, it’s so hard, you’ve tried to be helpful and accommodating and now your husband and his ex wife are taking the mick. I’ve been in and am still in this situation too, I find it hard to say no as I don’t want to upset the kids and I know I’m no better thought of. I know you shouldn’t have to but is there a halfway house, do your own thing for a couple of days then have the kids for the rest of the time?

How did he not know that you'd got stuff booked?

But even if he didn't -why does he think that you want to spend a whole week looking after his kids?

Can't believe that you fetch & return the kids every weekend either tbh.

I guess he doesn't finish early enough on a Friday-why??-but what's his excuse for the Sunday evening.

Honest to goodness how can you tolerate him?

This is 100% his problem to sort out. If he can't be bothered to make proper arrangements then he needs to sort it out.

I am a stepmother and my husband would never have dreamed of asking me to do this! If his kids are to stay he needs to take time off to be with them or else they stay with their mother.

He’s their father….he needs to pick them up, take the week off work and then take them home.
Don’t phone the Ex….you’ll be made to look the bad guy and he’s already shown you that the arrangements are made between them, not you. So let him arrange picking them up and taking a week off work!

Cheeky git.

Would your children babysit so you don't have to cancel the plans you've already made for the week? Their srepdad can reimburse them appropriately.

There appears to have been a few outrageous stepchildren / parent posts recently where the OP writes their first ever post, everyone piles in, and the OP doesn't return.

Why would the OP have to cancel her plans ?

You are being used
Say no - mean it - and disappear!!

That is an absolute piss take.
What was the plan this week if you didn't have annual leave? Do they both know you have annual leave?
Don't budge.

Text the ex
'Hi, there seems to have been a lack of communication somewhere along the line. I'm off work this week but I have plans and won't be able to be the carer this week'

Text dh
'I'm not sure what you think my role in life is, but it's not the childminder for you/your ex. If your ch need looking after please book holidays' and ps I'm not driving every weekend to collect drop off any more!

This isn't your problem or his Ex's problem to solve. He agreed to have them so she made plans.

He needs to fetch them, take time of work and entertain them or sort childcare.

The only person who is responsible for this mess is your husband, he will keep doing it while ever the women in his life sort the mess out for him.

This text to DH but don't text the ex, just add a bit to the bottom of DH text saying you were not asked if you were available for the children this week & you aren't so he'll have to either take hols to care for them, arrange alternative childcare or explain to his ex that he has f@cked up!

My husband is fuming with me and saying I've got to fetch them as the kids mum has made plans now and it's not fair if she has to cancel them!!

Fuck, and I cannot stress this enough, off; OP's DH. Just for that I'd be withdrawing the fetching them. He doesn't see what you do at all, or appreciate it. Time he went without.

I suspect he's one of those who got a new partner because he needed a new domestic appliance, which is now malfunctioning and he can't work out how to fix it. Top Tip: Not by being mean to it.

Your DH's behaviour is so completely outrageous that I find myself thinking that either this is entirely made up or there's some massive miscommunication going on that we're not aware of because how he thinks this is okay is beyond me.

My guess is that he planned this with his ex and hasn't bothered to mention it to you. Or just assumed you knew because you'd booked time off. And now he thinks its your problem.

I honestly don't know what you should do but dropping everything is definitely NOT it.

I'm going to bet a tenner that the OP capitulates and ends up cancelling her plans for the week.