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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Expected to look after stepchildren

147 replies

Kelliesmile · 17/10/2022 12:08

My husband has 2 children from a previous relationship and they both come to stay every weekend. They live over a hours drive away and I collect them on a Friday and take them back on a Sunday evening, we did not have them this last weekend just gone as they were away with their mother. My husband has now just called me asking me to pick them up as they are now home from the weekend away and will be staying with us for the whole week as it is half term (first I've heard of it) So here is my issue, I am on annual leave this week but my husband isnt. He does not have a day off until Saturday. I have made arrangements for this week to catch up with friends, go shopping, have a pamper day ect but now I am unable to do this as I will have to look after the children (aged 5 and 7) while my other half is at work 10 hours a day! I have told him I am not fetching them as I am about to meet a friend for coffee and this should of been discussed with me not just expected of me. My husband is fuming with me and saying I've got to fetch them as the kids mum has made plans now and it's not fair if she has to cancel them!! WTF, what about my plans.... Am i the one being unreasonable here? Nobody has asked me to look after the children all week and I just presumed the next time we had them would be at the weekend. This is my first lot of anual leave since June and was really looking forward to the plans I'd made. My own children are in there late teens so do not need looking after so surely I am free to do what ever I want whilst im off work and not have to look after my step children (who by the way are lovely and we have a really good relationship) Do I ring the ex and explain im busy and could possibly cancel some plans later in the week? (although i dont see why i should have too) or give in and just fetch them? Either way someone is not going to be happy, that being me taking care of 2 kids all week on my own, my other half cause hes upset the ex or the ex herself cause she won't get a child free week (bearing in mind she has every weekend child free) I'm actually quite upset my husband and his ex have made this arrangement without even checking it was ok with me first

OP posts:
sandytooth · 17/10/2022 15:09

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/10/2022 14:49

My husband is fuming with me and saying I've got to fetch them as the kids mum has made plans now and it's not fair if she has to cancel them!!

Fuck, and I cannot stress this enough, off; OP's DH. Just for that I'd be withdrawing the fetching them. He doesn't see what you do at all, or appreciate it. Time he went without.

I suspect he's one of those who got a new partner because he needed a new domestic appliance, which is now malfunctioning and he can't work out how to fix it. Top Tip: Not by being mean to it.

Yes he's completely forgotten you don't have to do anything. And why does he care more about her plans than yours.

Soakitup37 · 17/10/2022 15:09

I’m the ex wife in this scenario- and no you are not being unreasonable.

yellowbananasinjuly · 17/10/2022 15:37

Gosh, OP seems to have disappeared.

MeridianB · 17/10/2022 15:49

When you tell him no, I bet he'll ask your teens to babysit....

HollyJollypup · 17/10/2022 15:57

yellowbananasinjuly · 17/10/2022 15:37

Gosh, OP seems to have disappeared.

Hopefully she didn’t give in and go and get the kids.

tiredofthiisshit21 · 17/10/2022 16:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Cantstandbullshit · 17/10/2022 16:36

Why would you call his ex??? You tell your husband you cannot pick or look after them and if he wants then he should make the time for them. Let him sort it out with his ex, you stay out of that.

sandytooth · 17/10/2022 16:43

yellowbananasinjuly · 17/10/2022 15:37

Gosh, OP seems to have disappeared.

Not everyone posts all the time and uses it like a live chat situation

TheCatterall · 17/10/2022 16:53

Oh wow. That’s a no. No you aren’t dropping everything for him with no prior notice however he is welcome to try and take the week off work and look after his children.

is he normally this presumptuous of your time for things he wishes to do?

Bollindger · 17/10/2022 16:54

Tell him to take a week off work to look after his own children.
Do not budge,
Do not change your plans,

Caroffee · 17/10/2022 17:25

Just awful. You've set an expectation and now both parents dump on you. End this now. Or end the relationship.

OhNoOhDearOh · 17/10/2022 17:26

Wow OP. The nerve of him!

SandyY2K · 17/10/2022 18:40

They live over a hours drive away and I collect them on a Friday and take them back on a Sunday evening

@Pugalicious
Why are you the taxi here every weekend? Answer that and you will have the solution

I was wondering the same thing.

Blendiful · 17/10/2022 19:06

Kelliesmile · 17/10/2022 12:08

My husband has 2 children from a previous relationship and they both come to stay every weekend. They live over a hours drive away and I collect them on a Friday and take them back on a Sunday evening, we did not have them this last weekend just gone as they were away with their mother. My husband has now just called me asking me to pick them up as they are now home from the weekend away and will be staying with us for the whole week as it is half term (first I've heard of it) So here is my issue, I am on annual leave this week but my husband isnt. He does not have a day off until Saturday. I have made arrangements for this week to catch up with friends, go shopping, have a pamper day ect but now I am unable to do this as I will have to look after the children (aged 5 and 7) while my other half is at work 10 hours a day! I have told him I am not fetching them as I am about to meet a friend for coffee and this should of been discussed with me not just expected of me. My husband is fuming with me and saying I've got to fetch them as the kids mum has made plans now and it's not fair if she has to cancel them!! WTF, what about my plans.... Am i the one being unreasonable here? Nobody has asked me to look after the children all week and I just presumed the next time we had them would be at the weekend. This is my first lot of anual leave since June and was really looking forward to the plans I'd made. My own children are in there late teens so do not need looking after so surely I am free to do what ever I want whilst im off work and not have to look after my step children (who by the way are lovely and we have a really good relationship) Do I ring the ex and explain im busy and could possibly cancel some plans later in the week? (although i dont see why i should have too) or give in and just fetch them? Either way someone is not going to be happy, that being me taking care of 2 kids all week on my own, my other half cause hes upset the ex or the ex herself cause she won't get a child free week (bearing in mind she has every weekend child free) I'm actually quite upset my husband and his ex have made this arrangement without even checking it was ok with me first

You don't fetch them, and you don't look after them. This is beyond rude to just expect this to be ok, and not be consulted. Absolutely no way.

Their problem. You don't speak to ex either, your husband does, to explain he has agreed to something he can't facilitate as he is working and wasn't decent enough to ask.

I'd be fuming!!

Ginger1982 · 17/10/2022 19:11

There's no way that he didn't know they were allegedly supposed to be coming until today. Hope you told him to fuck off!

CoorieIn · 17/10/2022 19:13

Sincerely hope you haven't dropped everything to go get them. Your husband needs to give his head a wobble

Obki · 18/10/2022 05:44

Come back @Kelliesmile !

allboysmum3 · 18/10/2022 14:17

This would be a firm 'no' from me. I would simply say... I have plans with my annual leave' so I'm sorry but I cannot look after them all week.
I would be absolutely fuming to be expected to babysit two young kids for the whole week without even being asked. If it was one day then I'd say, suck it up for an easy life, but I would be fuming with my husband.

lechatnoir · 18/10/2022 14:25

Oh god OP you are being taken for a complete mug NO WAY should you be expected to this anyway but certainly not without prior discussion! Not your problem, no need to contact ex - DP can either take emergency leave or sort it out with ex.

ETA: when you say you do the pick-ups and drop-offs at the weekend, do you mean you and DP go together? Frankly that seems unnecessary but please god don't say you do it alone whilst DP is busy elsewhere or sat at home.....?

diddl · 18/10/2022 15:04

Well I hope Op didn't pick them up yesterday-there was no need if they were with their mum.

If the dad fetched them later I hope she was up & out this morning before he left for work!

Sadly I think not though.

FairyLightAddict · 18/10/2022 15:06

He's totally unreasonable and I'd be questioning my relationship.

billy1966 · 19/10/2022 12:03

Clearly your husband doesn't give a damn about you and sees you as skivvy/au pair.

He values his ex more and they both think you are a complete MUG, which you are.

Anyone with an ounce of self respect wouldn't be with a man who clearly could care less about her and sees her as an employee.

I feel sorry for your teenagers that you have foisted such a waster on.

His children are very young.

Did he marry you quickly after splitting?
Sounds like it🙄🤷🏻‍♀️

Your poor children.

Humal93 · 26/10/2022 02:03

AIBU to want to go out without stepchildren?

It is half term this week and I have 2 step children and a baby who is 2. I have been wanting to go out to see a friend for a coffee or simply just go to hers for a catch up. I have not been out with a friend since we got together, being busy and all.

I asked my partner if I could go to see an old school friend who is having a hard time, but without the children, but that I would take baby as he may cry etc. He was off with me and didn't seem too happy. I have waited months for their bio mum to take the 2 eldest for the weekend so I could do my own thing for once. However, this hasn't happened in a while and I don't want them to feel left out or anything, but I've waited a long time and really just want some time to talk to a friend without anyone listening in as I'm sure she would appreciate too. We have not seen each other in a few years, only maintaining contact via chats/videos so would like the first meet in a long time to be more open and free, if that makes sense. My question is, am I wrong to want to go out without the step children?

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/10/2022 02:08

Hi @Humal93 you need to start your own thread rather than posting on someone else's. FWIW I wouldn't be asking, I would be telling. "I'm going to see my friend, I can take the baby or not, let me know".

Humal93 · 26/10/2022 02:13

Oh no, sorry! I'm new at posting, thank you for bringing it up, would delete my previous post but not sure how to.