Expected to look after stepchildren

[Kelliesmile]

My husband has 2 children from a previous relationship and they both come to stay every weekend. They live over a hours drive away and I collect them on a Friday and take them back on a Sunday evening, we did not have them this last weekend just gone as they were away with their mother. My husband has now just called me asking me to pick them up as they are now home from the weekend away and will be staying with us for the whole week as it is half term (first I've heard of it) So here is my issue, I am on annual leave this week but my husband isnt. He does not have a day off until Saturday. I have made arrangements for this week to catch up with friends, go shopping, have a pamper day ect but now I am unable to do this as I will have to look after the children (aged 5 and 7) while my other half is at work 10 hours a day! I have told him I am not fetching them as I am about to meet a friend for coffee and this should of been discussed with me not just expected of me. My husband is fuming with me and saying I've got to fetch them as the kids mum has made plans now and it's not fair if she has to cancel them!! WTF, what about my plans.... Am i the one being unreasonable here? Nobody has asked me to look after the children all week and I just presumed the next time we had them would be at the weekend. This is my first lot of anual leave since June and was really looking forward to the plans I'd made. My own children are in there late teens so do not need looking after so surely I am free to do what ever I want whilst im off work and not have to look after my step children (who by the way are lovely and we have a really good relationship) Do I ring the ex and explain im busy and could possibly cancel some plans later in the week? (although i dont see why i should have too) or give in and just fetch them? Either way someone is not going to be happy, that being me taking care of 2 kids all week on my own, my other half cause hes upset the ex or the ex herself cause she won't get a child free week (bearing in mind she has every weekend child free) I'm actually quite upset my husband and his ex have made this arrangement without even checking it was ok with me first

I cannot actually believe what I am reading! You've booked a week's annual leave and he thought you would have no plans?

Tell him to sort it out and don’t cha be your plans

are there any positives about this man?

He is being ridiculous. If he cant plan half term in advance he can't just dump his kids on you. Keep your plans. Get out the house before he leaves for work of you have to. Has he done this before? I'd consider ending it if this has happened before. He's taking you for granted and basically using you to parent so he doesn't have to. Don't ring the ex.

Your DH is obviously being completely unreasonable unless we are missing something from what you've said. They are still so young so it's not as if you're going to be able to let them play by themselves.

He absolutely should have taken the time off and to expect you to look after them for a week is ridiculous. (A day might be fair enough but a week absolutely isn't).

I do feel sorry for the kids though (because their dad is an idiot).

Message him to say no you have plans all week he will have to make other arrangements then turn your phone off and meet your friend for coffee.

These children have 2 parents who are not inconveniencing themselves at all. You are not their parent and did not commit to looking after them this week.

"I'm not available to do that, I'm sure you and ex-W will be able to figure something out." Then don't answer your phone to either of them for the rest of today.

Alternatively, and only if you want to, bill them £500 in advance to look after them

He’s out of order. However, I’d probably pick up the children this time as I wouldn’t want them to stuck in the middle.

No No No and just in case I'm not making myself clear - NO

Some people just assume the world revolves around them and expect others to pick up the pieces of their inability to actively manage their lives. If the OP does this once, next time (and make no bones there will be a next time) - the response will be 'But you did it last time'. The lesson needs to be learnt and learnt fast.

The children have both a mother and father who will have to decide between them who picks up this problem and yes that will mean one of them, maybe both changing their plans. Why should a 3rd adult, who has no formal relationship to the children, be expected to completely change her plans. Bet the DH thought "yippee, Kellie can look after the kids at half term", when she told him about her leave and didn't even think about mentioning that to her'. Even to ask would have been a major no-no for me

Surely this is a wind up? He can't actually be expecting you to drop all your annual leave plans without complaint?!

If this is indicative of how your overall relationship balance is then there are big problems.

This can’t be real

Go stay with a friend for the week. Once the kids are in the house, if YOU are in the house , then you will end up caring for them by default if your partner just gets up and goes to work.

YANBU he can get stuffed.
Don't give in to this outrageous situation he's created.
Stop being his taxi driver

Your DH will have to take the time off work. Or sort and pay for holiday club. The kids are not your responsibility. What normally happens on school holidays?

I came on reading this expecting to think you were being unreasonable, as I'm used to seeing threads from stepmums being horrified they are ever expected to look after their step kids and seeing all the "it's not your responsibility" responses but...

YOU ARE NOT BEING UNREASONABLE.

The behaviour from your DH is outrageous. Has he known all along but just not mentioned it because he assumed you'd just do it or was this a last minute change of plan? Either way, it's unreasonable.

My DH is very involved with my DD (his DSD) but absolutely would not cancel plans he'd made at the drop of the hat to look after her for a whole week without even being forewarned/consulted!

The fact that he puts his ex's plans above yours is really upsetting. Tell him to make arrangements for his children with his ex and if he would like you to help him out with HIS responsibilities, he can ASK not tell and give you fair warning. Enjoy your week off

So he doesn't want to mess with exW plans but is OK with messing up yours?

The answer to your H is no, I already have plans this week.

Can he take emergency unpaid parental leave?

YANBU!

And I’m also interested in how you’ve wound up doing all the pickups and collections?!

“unfortunately I can’t reschedule at such short notice, but let me know when they’re next coming as I’d love to join in with your plans for a few days next time”. Put the onus complete back on him that he needs to be the one organising their routine and activities whilst they’re with him.

Tell DH no and leave it up to him to tell his Ex.

They're both taking the piss; stop it now before it gets worse.

Fuck all of that for a game of soldiers- the pickup every week and the having them for half term.
This would seriously make me question my relationship with this man .
He and his ex should be taking it in turns to do the pick up and drop off . Bloody cheek of them both.

This. Plus, why is it you who does all the collections and drop offs and not either of the children’s parents?

If your own children don’t need looking after, why did you choose to book half term as annual leave?

Are you the teacher who posted about this situation with your OH and stepkids previously?

Honestly what does your OH bring to the table that makes it worth doing all this?

Why does that matter? But presumably OP didn't know it was half term and the kids would be there.

If your teens are home, is there an option for your husband to pay them to babysit?

No, no and no. Breezy 'I have plans this week' and then silence. His problem to solve. Your problem that your husband cares more about his exs plans than yours.