Expected to look after stepchildren

[Kelliesmile]

My husband has 2 children from a previous relationship and they both come to stay every weekend. They live over a hours drive away and I collect them on a Friday and take them back on a Sunday evening, we did not have them this last weekend just gone as they were away with their mother. My husband has now just called me asking me to pick them up as they are now home from the weekend away and will be staying with us for the whole week as it is half term (first I've heard of it) So here is my issue, I am on annual leave this week but my husband isnt. He does not have a day off until Saturday. I have made arrangements for this week to catch up with friends, go shopping, have a pamper day ect but now I am unable to do this as I will have to look after the children (aged 5 and 7) while my other half is at work 10 hours a day! I have told him I am not fetching them as I am about to meet a friend for coffee and this should of been discussed with me not just expected of me. My husband is fuming with me and saying I've got to fetch them as the kids mum has made plans now and it's not fair if she has to cancel them!! WTF, what about my plans.... Am i the one being unreasonable here? Nobody has asked me to look after the children all week and I just presumed the next time we had them would be at the weekend. This is my first lot of anual leave since June and was really looking forward to the plans I'd made. My own children are in there late teens so do not need looking after so surely I am free to do what ever I want whilst im off work and not have to look after my step children (who by the way are lovely and we have a really good relationship) Do I ring the ex and explain im busy and could possibly cancel some plans later in the week? (although i dont see why i should have too) or give in and just fetch them? Either way someone is not going to be happy, that being me taking care of 2 kids all week on my own, my other half cause hes upset the ex or the ex herself cause she won't get a child free week (bearing in mind she has every weekend child free) I'm actually quite upset my husband and his ex have made this arrangement without even checking it was ok with me first

Why should they bail him out?

No no no, do not cancel your plans, these are not your kids and if they wanted you to have them for a week as a favour this should have been discussed and agreed. Tell DH he's left it too late and you have plans so either the know D's mother has to cancel her plans or their father needs to take the week off work. Bloody cheek of the pair of them offloading their responsibilities to you, no chance!

Maybe she wanted to do something with them.

I know this isn't Aibu but you definitely aren't bu by saying no way! What a cheeky to just arrange for you to do this - has anything similar happened before?

Just because they don't need looking after doesn't mean they don't want to sled some time together, also she may work term time. It's not really relevant to the situation

Bloody hell. My DP sometimes looks after one or both of my DC, but I would never presume it was ok without asking him first, and definitely not for an entire bloody week. Your H is CF of the highest order. I wouldn't be cancelling a damn thing, nor would I be phoning anyone. I would simply be asking him what he plans to do for childcare while he's at work, because no one told you the DC were coming over, and no one asked if you were free to look after them, so you've made plans, and you're not free. Then I would leave it entirely up to him to sort out. His mess, made by him being an utter dick, so he can sort it.

It’s not his exs fault. She probably assumed you know they are coming or there dad has time of. Your dh however is total out of order. He doesn’t get to dictate what your time of looks like because he wants his kids there but can’t be bothered to take care of them or is not willing to take time of to do it. It’s not actually your issue. Carry on with your plans and let him sort it out. He shouldn’t have taken you for granted and assumed you would care for them without discussing what your plans were. I actually cannot believe the cheek of him. He is being so disrespectful to you. Enjoy your week of and stop picking and dropping of his kids. He can do that himself.

@Whatdayisitnow

does it matter??

she can do what she wants

Your DH needs to parent his kids if he has agreed to have them for the week. Keep your plans.

I should say, this isn't your DH's ex's problem. It is solely a DH problem as many MN's like to say.

This!

Has there been some miscommunication? You've got a week off at half term and DH has assumed that he had told you the kids were coming and you'd taken the time off for them? Seems totally bizarre to me that he would allow his kids to come with there being absolutely zero conversation about time off.

It sounds like he considers that you are available for his convenience all the time that you are not at work. That's why he didn't even bother to check with you if you could look after them, you weren't at work therefore you were available.

Does he consider you to be an individual with your own preferences, or does he constantly talk about family being a 'team' (without mentioning that he is the de facto team leader). Does he do a lot of favours when it's convenient for him to do them and then call them in at times that aren't convenient for you?

Fuck me! The cheek of him!! I'd be less worried about him fuming and more concerned about how long my stretch would be from throttling him and burying him in the garden.

Fuck all of that for a game of soldiers. I cannot understand why you're the one picking them up every weekend anyway.

You need to tell him no, you are not changing your plans so that his ex doesn't have to chance hers. The children are their responsibility, not yours. I'm aghast at his cheek! You need to be utter teflon hands with the whole thing and I would seriously reconsider anything you do for the children if it then becomes expected. None of this is your concern.

This is his mess to sort.

I can't believe this is for real. Stop doing the pick-ups and drop-offs every week - you're being taken for a mug. The point of contact time is for your husband to see HIS kids, not for you to see them. If my husband is away with work, my stepson doesn't come. I think I've only ever picked him up once in 8 years as a favour.

I'd have to laugh at him and say eeerrrrr no!

I didn't suggest they should bail him out, his children are his responsibility. So whilst it's not OP's responsibility, she might have overlooked a possibility that her teens could benefit. Many would jump at the chance for this sort of work during the holidays, I know mine would! Especially if it was shared between 2 or 3 teens so they only did a couple of days each.

Absolutely nothing about this is fair to you. Nothing.

And why are you the one collecting them and dropping them off, an hour each way?

Your husband is a joke.

He sees you as staff op

Reconsider your position.

Does he normally have the children school holidays?
If he helps you with your children, eg giving lifts, preparing food etc, you being taxi driver for his children might not seem so one sided. If he works long hours I can sort of understand the Friday collection, but not so much the Sunday drop off. His ex doesn’t make any journey?
As with all relationships mutual support and cooperation are preferable for all parties, but you can’t help him if he doesn’t let you know what is happening.
His rudeness in not even letting you know that his children would be staying is astounding. You live there, and whilst I am sure you wouldn’t object to extra visits if they gave him more time with his children, your plans could have involved having your own visitors during the day when he would normally have been out.
If you tolerate this it will just get worse. I mean this kindly but a phrase springs to mind ‘ if you prostrate yourself in front of doorways sooner or later someone will use you as a doormat’

I would not do it.

Absolutely do not go and get them.

tell your husband you have plans this week so who’s having them as you can’t….

what a cheeky bastard.

As I understand it, not only are you driving an hour to pick somebody else's children up, you then drive home and also repeat the process two day later

How the hell did you get roped in to doing that?

Where are the children's actual mother and father when you're driving them around?

I also don't understand why the children are coming over if your partner isn't going to be there

Stand firm

I hope OP is not responding because she's gone on her coffee date.