School Uniform

[loosebutton]

Hi my DH pays the CMS amount to his ex for the DSC, he is of the understanding that this is it. That's all he has to pay. Anything else extra is on top, so he pays for half their music lessons and the school trips. I'm asking because his ex has asked him for half the school uniform money for the last few years. He paid half when the eldest went up to secondary school but he said at the time this was a one off and he couldn't do it every year. Anyway he's received a stream of angry messages about it this year and a demand for money. Is he right? The CMS is it and uniform costs are factored into their calculation? Is there anywhere that tells you officially how they've worked it out?

Mum does have them more as she has refused his requests to have them more.

66 days is really not that much of a difference: it's 20% of the overall time. If you considered the overall costs of raising the children along the same lines, with Dad covering 40% during his time and Mum covering 60% during her time then in order to balance them you're only talking about a transfer of 10% of the total cost of raising the children to go from Dad to Mum in order for the costs to be balanced. It sounds like this dad is paying more than this.

It's really easy for any discussions around CMS to provoke highly emotive responses, especially because some men are absolutely shit and don't contribute as they should do. My own dad was shit when my parents split and he got his work to lie in order to claim his income was nothing when, in fact, he'd retired early on a full private pension. But that doesn't mean that's the case here.

I think we can assume that on reflection you've realised the amount doesn't cover half the cost of raising a child......

When people are projecting due their own situations of past situations, it’s relevant, not a personal attack. You have talked previously of your dss and issues with partners ex and her being the problem. That can have an effect on your viewpoint obviously.

It shouldn't though really should it? Because he has them a % of the time. So it should be the difference between that % and half, shouldn't it?

As in mum has them 60% of the time, so dad has them 40% of the time (or whatever the split is) so dad is funding them 40% of the time on his time so should pay mum the additional 10% covering his half?

You shouldn't be paying half of all costs on top of all costs in your own time because then you'd be paying well more than your half surely?

Or are we saying you should fund your own time plus half of mums regardless?

I'm really really confused now. She doesn't pay for half of any of the cost when they are with us.

It doesn't have an effect because it's not relevant here. The woman is a dick, absolutely. It doesn't make any difference to what I think about maintenance.

Oh and calling someone bitter is a personal attack. If you're struggling with that maybe ask @mnhq to explain to you what the word bitter means.

You shouldn't be paying half of all costs on top of all costs in your own time because then you'd be paying well more than your half surely?

Or are we saying you should fund your own time plus half of mums regardless?

I think this is part of it: some people do believe that this is how it should be.

I can see what is bitter on this thread. There are some perfect examples of it. And when you’re saying things like ‘’Its because women love to hate the "new wife", I think it’s safe to say your experience of your partners ex is affecting your view. People just think it’s ridiculous for a high earned to be so bothered by a couple of hundred pounds on uniform and believe these squabbles are not healthy for the children.

What a prince you have there OP.
CM worked out through the CMS is the minimum to pay, whether it's a small amount as a low earner or more as a high earner.
School uniform is a necessity not a luxury, of course he should pay towards it.
It might be you in her shoes one day OP.

You literally called me bitter. You wanted to understand why your post was deleted. That was why. You can screech about projection as much as you like, it's a well known phenomenon on this board.

My experience is not relevant to my view on maintenance. Its not relevant to this board either unless she is one of the prolific nasty posters.

Its not about thinking it's ridiculous, to think that is fine, it's how it's expressed and it's the complete deliberate misunderstanding and attitude that isn't very nice. If you can't see that, perhaps you're not as intuitive as you think.

The last poster being a brilliant example.

For myself I've said repeatedly (to some deaf ears) that cms is the bare minimum. Many only pay the bare minimum

I've not once said that's what op dh pays as she hasn't stated that.

Ps (shrill is a deeply Mysoginistic term) but I suspect you know that.

Why do people keep saying this? Yes it might be me one day. I know this.

We have no clue what he’s paying because OP won’t say. Mum has them a lot more than dad, to say otherwise is silly. And she’s not unreasonable to refuse his requests when it’s holiday time. I wouldn’t give that up either. Weekdays are a slog with kids, school runs, activities, homework, keeping a good routine for school etc, he’s not doing much of that though, she deserves half the holidays with her children. They’re easier, less work required.

Okay armchair psychologist, what truth? And how am I triggered?

We have no clue what he’s paying because OP won’t say.

Which is exactly why I said it sounds like it's more than 10% of the total annual cost of raising the two children rather than saying it actually is. We have no idea as to the specific costs in this case but if we were to use the average cost of raising a child from 0 to 18 and work backwards from that then 10% of the annual cost doesn't work out to be that much. If he's paying "a high amount" and then half of other luxery costs then it would likely be more than the 10%.

Funny that you presume I’m talking to you. I didn’t quote aim it at any particular poster. It was just a general observation but if you think it applies to you, not much I can do about that. Maybe it does apply to you and that’s why you’re assuming it’s about you?

Well if he ends up paying more it'll still be crunchy nut cornflakes at moms and plain cornflakes at penny pinching Dads.

I doubt the kids have 2 of absolutely everything, that’s why it doesn’t work like that. Every RP I know buys the vast majority of clothes, most tech etc. The kids often need more money as they go out with friends at RP house as their friends are close by as that’s where school is etc.

Eh? No one likes cornflakes.

Possibly. Kids often wise up to fathers (or mothers) like this as they get older. A couple of my friends and friends children don’t have much to do with their parent that behaved like OPs husband. It’s very sad for the children as they do pick up on it.

All assumptions that you're transferring onto this case. We can't know what the balance is without detailed breakdowns of the costs involved. That's why making the assumption that the costs paid whilst at Dad's plus Dad's payments to Mum don't reach 50% of the overall costs is flawed. It's quite possible that, in this case, they do. We can't know either way.

Ha, okay. If you've got nothing better to do than advance search posters to try and make a "point" more fool you.