School Uniform

[loosebutton]

Hi my DH pays the CMS amount to his ex for the DSC, he is of the understanding that this is it. That's all he has to pay. Anything else extra is on top, so he pays for half their music lessons and the school trips. I'm asking because his ex has asked him for half the school uniform money for the last few years. He paid half when the eldest went up to secondary school but he said at the time this was a one off and he couldn't do it every year. Anyway he's received a stream of angry messages about it this year and a demand for money. Is he right? The CMS is it and uniform costs are factored into their calculation? Is there anywhere that tells you officially how they've worked it out?

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Because school uniform is an additional expense. It's not an extra £50 it's like an extra £2-400... if not more.
Is the mum saying she won't pay any of it and seeking validation to the penny of what the cm payment is for? No she's not.
Big expenses should be spilt and each party should be happy to split it.
There might be times that one parent is struggling finically and at the sake of the child the parent should amicably sort this out.

Whilst CMS is the bare minimum you can legally be obliged to pay it is not necessarily the minimum required to raise a child. It can be much less than that or it can be more than that if the person is a high earner.

It annoys me that people always assume minimum= barely anything. There are higher earners paying more than enough in CM payments even if it is the minimum required by law. There will of course also be plenty not paying anywhere near enough because they are low earners or just shits.

But CMS payments are not automatically low just because they are the minimum required.

It's not an additional expense. It's an ongoing, routine expense of having a school aged child. It's clothing them day to day.

An additional expense is music lessons and schools trips, which the father pays half of.

Basically I can't possibly say if your husband is reasonable or not until you say what he pays every month. It could be £££ or it could be barely anything. Although I get why you don't want to say.

But being the legal minimum doesn't not necessarily mean it's a paltry amount of money. It depends entirely on his earnings.

Does not*

For example I've got one friend who's lucky to get £20 of her ex every 6 months and another who gets nearly 1.5k a month because her ex is a director of a large company and earns well.

1.5k a month is not a small sum. It's not the minimum required to raise a child, it's more than that. It may be the legal minimum he's required to pay but I don't think anyone could argue it's the minimum amount required to raise a child every month (considering the other parent is also supposed to be contributing as well).

It's all relative.

It's not an additional expense. It's an ongoing, routine expense of having a school aged child. It's clothing them day to day.
An additional expense is music lessons and schools trips, which the father pays half of.

Completely agree.

and yes he should be contributing to half of the uniforms or at least offer to pay for the shoes and PE trainers.

No he 'shouldn't'. He can if he wants to but he doesn't have to do anything of the sort.

I think if the mum was earning some money it may be different but the fact she's chosen not to work and pays no rent suggests to me she's just out to be supported herself.

OP I think re assessing is a good idea, you'll never win with the mum.

Also I'm surprised at what some of you are spending on uniform every year, we must have been lucky as their jumpers often lasted more than a year!! We never had to do a huge buy of £200 until they went to secondary school (and that was only my first as she then handed the stuff on). This year I've not had to buy any uniform at all!

Mine used to wear things more than one day though so maybe some people have 5 sets of everything 🤷🏼‍♀️

I've found a template on the government child maintenance page with a template to help you work out how much your children cost. So there is something. He's going to ask ex to fill that in and then they cam have an informal mediation session. Thanks everyone who has provided helpful advice.

the fact she's chosen not to work and pays no rent suggests to me she's just out to be supported herself

OP has said she works, just not in as well paid a job as the Op thinks she should. And I’m sorry, but if there is no rent or mortgage to pay, then that’s a wonderful situation to be in.Would you actually prefer it if the ex in the OP’s case had a mortgage or rent to pay?!

This is how DH sees it.

It's not meant to be hatred. It's meant to DH getting a figure that will mean there's no need for her to feel she needs to ask for more.

I don't think anyones saying it would be better if she had to rent to pay, but being mortgage free is obviously a massive factor. That child has a stable home and the parent doesn't have the biggest expense to pay (where the nrp probably does!) So their outgoings are likely less.

@loosebutton but how can you have a figure which will never change when pay changes, life changes and needs change?
It's very unrealistic.
The monthly payment should stay the same but as parent you should be prepared for unexpected costs.

Are you aware child maintenance is the bare minimum.
Genuinely sit down & work out how much it costs you to give your child the life they have .
Include everything & then calculate if half of that (your half taken away) is what he pays for his other kids.

If he lays less top it up
If he pays more - that can be negotiated
If it's the same - well done

@beachcitygirl ops child won't cost the same as the other kids on account of them having a different mother.

That is all very well but there will be costs in maintaining their own home as well. They will need a bedroom, clothes, food etc in the second home. That is why it is done on nights rather than just 50/50.

This makes no sense

Well I could work out what my child costs and half it, but I can't imagine DSSs mother would agree it's half of what her child costs, on account of us spending different amounts on things and having very different priorities.

@Ithinkthatisenoughnowthanks apologies I missed that, I thought she didn't work at all.

Yes fair enough but this will give a ball park figure of how much a child costs and they can work out what is an optional thing and what isn't. It's a useful starting point. Especially given now the CMS figure is just based on income so absolutely not based on what the kids need.

Are you being deliberately obtuse?