School Uniform

[loosebutton]

Hi my DH pays the CMS amount to his ex for the DSC, he is of the understanding that this is it. That's all he has to pay. Anything else extra is on top, so he pays for half their music lessons and the school trips. I'm asking because his ex has asked him for half the school uniform money for the last few years. He paid half when the eldest went up to secondary school but he said at the time this was a one off and he couldn't do it every year. Anyway he's received a stream of angry messages about it this year and a demand for money. Is he right? The CMS is it and uniform costs are factored into their calculation? Is there anywhere that tells you officially how they've worked it out?

This thread is bonkers. There is no information to base any judgements on because the OP hasn't given any. So the basic premise that people are basing their posts on is: separated so he must be awful.

I’m hardly likely to be busy, I’m on mumsnet. You’re on here too so. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Are you calling me a fool? Should I cry to mumsnet that I’ve been personally attacked? 😂

I think the issue I have is that it shouldn't matter if he has paid 50% of the overall annual cost or not.

I don't know any parent who only pays the costs of their children and nothing else. What's wrong with downing more, because you know, they are your children. I could draw up a spreadsheet of how much my DC cost annually, but if I added up what I actually spent, it would be much higher.

The fact that a father grudges biting his kids school uniform, be se he pays 'enough' just doesn't sit well with me. Why can't he take them out and have a fun day buying back to school stuff? Because he has paid this months maintenance already...not the greatest.

Hullo, please can I ask why you do t think he should contribute to uniform?

I might be taking a simplistic view of things, but I would have thought that uniform should be a shared cost?

Things that are particular to one or the other household should be covered by that household. If mum and child have a hobby together then mum pays for kit to do with the hobby. If dad books a holiday then dad pays for any additional clothes needed.

For things like school uniform which is something the child has to wear regardless of which house they are currently at, then both parents should chip in.

I think mums lifestyle is a red herring - it's up to her what she chooses to do with her life, and it should not have the slightest impact on whether costs that should be shared are shared.

@vivainsomnia my ex pays £600 a month CMS for 2 DC so £300 each per month. I don't consider it particularly high amount, given he earns £60k a year.

So that I can work full-time, breakfast and after school club for 1 DC costs me £285 every 4 weeks, so there's £15 left over to cover his share of everything else for that DC monthly. Absolutely we split school uniform 50/50, it's the least he can do.

I'd only expect an ex not to pay extra if they were already paying something like £1,500 plus per month in CMS.

OP so you would be happy with him paying the bare minimum for your DC? I don't think so.

So that I can work full-time, breakfast and after school club for 1 DC costs me £285 every 4 weeks, so there's £15 left over to cover his share of everything else for that DC monthly
That's assuming you regard the £285 as your ex's cost alone. If all costs are 50/50 then his share of that is £142.50, leaving £157.50 to cover his share of everything else that month. Which could be reasonable or not, depending on contact.

Oh dear. Perhaps you need to read it again. Perhaps you should just I don't know, stop attacking people? And then trying to poke fun about it.

He sees them 4 days a month, his choice, I offered 50/50 and no maintenance, he couldn't be arsed with that, although our DC are 50% his responsibility.

I'm not sure why a man dumping his DC to do the bare minimum in contact and CMS means that because our DC are with me the majority of the time that childcare costs are fully mine. I see it as another cost that I don't ask him for, as I haven't got the energy to invite a row.

Lied about what? My DH hasnt been married before. What do you not understand about that?

Both parents should pay 50% of the overall costs of raising the children. Not a minimum or average amount but 50% of the total actual cost for that specific child(ren).

The amount paid by some dads leave them under this, not paying their full share, and they should pay extra towards other things. The amount paid by some dads have them at 50% and half of everything is covered. The amount paid by some dads takes them higher than 50% and, in those situations, the mum is not paying the full extent of her "share".

The issue is that it's impossible to calculate these on a child by child basis with any real kind of consistency.

Heavens sake Mumsnet deleting posts. Not allowed an opinion on here are we! It's on for the OP to goad people thou? This sites a joke

They are deleting personal attacks and troll hunting. You are free to report op if you like!

I'm just going to keep reporting you for troll hunting. DH has an ex girlfriend, what he does not have is an ex wife. Hth.

😂

😘

I have lots. Hiking, running, meditation and netball. And mumsnet. 😘

@loosebutton glad give found something to help you work out a starting point for discussion.

hopefully you can all come to an agreement where your DH and ex are happy with the outcome