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Original poster

School Uniform

285 replies

loosebutton · 17/08/2022 08:05

Hi my DH pays the CMS amount to his ex for the DSC, he is of the understanding that this is it. That's all he has to pay. Anything else extra is on top, so he pays for half their music lessons and the school trips. I'm asking because his ex has asked him for half the school uniform money for the last few years. He paid half when the eldest went up to secondary school but he said at the time this was a one off and he couldn't do it every year. Anyway he's received a stream of angry messages about it this year and a demand for money. Is he right? The CMS is it and uniform costs are factored into their calculation? Is there anywhere that tells you officially how they've worked it out?

OP posts:
jsvacation · 17/08/2022 08:06

I think he should pay half tbh it is a one off expense once a year and the costs to kit out a high school student goes into the 100s of pounds.

passport123 · 17/08/2022 08:08

How much does he pay per month? How many pounds? And does he really think this amounts to half of the total cost of raising a child?

ClocksGoingBackwards · 17/08/2022 08:10

Unless he’s a high earner paying a lot of maintenance, then he should contribute to uniform.

Original poster
loosebutton · 17/08/2022 08:12

jsvacation · 17/08/2022 08:06

I think he should pay half tbh it is a one off expense once a year and the costs to kit out a high school student goes into the 100s of pounds.

Is it included in the CMS amount though?

OP posts:
Original poster
loosebutton · 17/08/2022 08:12

passport123 · 17/08/2022 08:08

How much does he pay per month? How many pounds? And does he really think this amounts to half of the total cost of raising a child?

It is high and yes it is more than half as ex lives rent free and hardly works.

OP posts:
Vanishdisappear · 17/08/2022 08:12

Do you have your own children?
Does he seriously think that what he pays in CM covers half of what the children cost?
I can bet it doesn't even touch the sides, he should absolutely be chipping in for the extras and this is a clear sign to you that he will try and shirk his responsibilities should you ever have children and split up.
Children are expensive, life is expensive, I'm not surprised his children's mother got upset when he refused to help pay for the uniform.
He should rethink his attitude on this.

Original poster
loosebutton · 17/08/2022 08:14

Yes we have our own DC. And yes what he pays is enough, if she matched it there would be plenty enough for the kids.

OP posts:
CornishGem1975 · 17/08/2022 08:15

I don't think that he should pay extra for school uniform no, but that's not a popular opinion on here.

I say that as someone who receives CMS.

Original poster
loosebutton · 17/08/2022 08:15

My question is I suppose, is there anywhere that says exactly what the CMS have included in their calculation?

OP posts:
Pebbledashery · 17/08/2022 08:16

I think school uniform is a shared parental cost.

PeekAtYou · 17/08/2022 08:16

Technically your h is right but half of uniform
costs is a common thing to pay ime. If he can't pay for uniform, could he just pay towards winter coat or something ?

OneForTheRoadThen · 17/08/2022 08:18

loosebutton · 17/08/2022 08:14

Yes we have our own DC. And yes what he pays is enough, if she matched it there would be plenty enough for the kids.

But surely she does 'match' it and more by providing for the children the majority of the time? How often do you have DSC with you?

Sux2buthen · 17/08/2022 08:18

CMS should be to cover general expenses of living and uniforms etc should be extra so split but that's just my opinion.

CornishGem1975 · 17/08/2022 08:19

Exactly @loosebutton People seem to forget that the mum should be contributing to the children too. I don't get a massive amount from my ex but with what he pays, and the child benefit and with my own contribution - it's more than enough to cover my kids needs. I don't see it as his job to cover all their living costs or their home he also provides a home for them (another thing people like to overlook).

They're not as expensive as everyone likes to make out. Yes the uniform is a bit of a slog as it's normally about £300-400 but I budget for that through the year from what I get given.

Yousee · 17/08/2022 08:19

Unless the NRP has zero contact with the child, CM isn't supposed to be half of the total cost of raising the child. It is to cover the extra time the RP has with the child over the NRP, who will carry the costs for their time with the child.
To me, uniform is a basic necessity to budget for and therefore part of what CM is supposed to cover. School trips and extra curriculars are important but ultimately "nice to have" rather than "non negotiable" so that's fair enough to split over and above maintenance.
All that said, any NRP who can contribute more than basic essentials to their child but chooses not to is a knob.

CornishGem1975 · 17/08/2022 08:19

@loosebutton No, there is no definition of what CMS should cover.

AdoptDontBeACunt · 17/08/2022 08:21

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
loosebutton · 17/08/2022 08:22

@CornishGem1975 I think she's blown her budget on a fancy holiday. So no sympathy for her from me. That and she doesnt pay rent or mortgage so I think her living costs must be pretty low compared to ours.

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 17/08/2022 08:23

Sounds to me like she does more childcare than him. Reading between the lines of what you've written. Is that true?
So, when you say that he pays half, have you included the cost of her giving childcare, and thus unable to work, in that?

RoseAndRose · 17/08/2022 08:24

CMS is the amount the government will seek to enforce, and not a reflection of the actual cost of bringing up DC.

Also it’s on the general idea that both parents support their child in line with their circumstances, so the circumstances of the other parent are not relevant - it doesn’t matter whether she’s living rent-free or very expensively, what the father pays depends on his income.

So I’d say that paying CMS is the minimum, and unless he cannot afford it (eg has no disposable income) then yes he should be willing to support his DC beyond the minimum

Original poster
loosebutton · 17/08/2022 08:25

To me, uniform is a basic necessity to budget for and therefore part of what CM is supposed to cover. School trips and extra curriculars are important but ultimately "nice to have" rather than "non negotiable" so that's fair enough to split over and above maintenance. yes that's how DH was seeing it.

All that said, any NRP who can contribute more than basic essentials to their child but chooses not to is a knob. I assure you the amount he pays is high.

OP posts:
Original poster
loosebutton · 17/08/2022 08:26

arethereanyleftatall · 17/08/2022 08:23

Sounds to me like she does more childcare than him. Reading between the lines of what you've written. Is that true?
So, when you say that he pays half, have you included the cost of her giving childcare, and thus unable to work, in that?

It's not childcare, it's parenting.

He does every other weekend. One evening each week. And half the holidays.

OP posts:
Original poster
loosebutton · 17/08/2022 08:27

loosebutton · 17/08/2022 08:26

It's not childcare, it's parenting.

He does every other weekend. One evening each week. And half the holidays.

Show quote history

And she can work. She has admitted to eldest DSC that she chooses to not get a better a job as she doesn't need to.

OP posts:
WinterMusings · 17/08/2022 08:27

How often are the SDC with you?

if he walked out on you & paid you the CMS would you think that was enough to make up for you having to have a house big enough for the children, the additional CT (no living alone discount), electricity, gas, food, home clothes, activities, additional fuel running them around, presents for teachers, friends parties, AND school uniform??

irrespective of what she earns or gets in benefits, they're HIS kids and they cost money in many hidden (& nit doing hidden!) ways!

hiw much does he pay each month?

Original poster
loosebutton · 17/08/2022 08:27

RoseAndRose · 17/08/2022 08:24

CMS is the amount the government will seek to enforce, and not a reflection of the actual cost of bringing up DC.

Also it’s on the general idea that both parents support their child in line with their circumstances, so the circumstances of the other parent are not relevant - it doesn’t matter whether she’s living rent-free or very expensively, what the father pays depends on his income.

So I’d say that paying CMS is the minimum, and unless he cannot afford it (eg has no disposable income) then yes he should be willing to support his DC beyond the minimum

He is and does.

Just she wants more.

OP posts:
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