School Uniform

[loosebutton]

Hi my DH pays the CMS amount to his ex for the DSC, he is of the understanding that this is it. That's all he has to pay. Anything else extra is on top, so he pays for half their music lessons and the school trips. I'm asking because his ex has asked him for half the school uniform money for the last few years. He paid half when the eldest went up to secondary school but he said at the time this was a one off and he couldn't do it every year. Anyway he's received a stream of angry messages about it this year and a demand for money. Is he right? The CMS is it and uniform costs are factored into their calculation? Is there anywhere that tells you officially how they've worked it out?

He told her it was a one off when he paid last time. She knew that yet still demands more?

She should budget better.

It's really interesting to read the replies and how many nrp pay half uniform. Ex sees the universal credit I get as the reason why he doesn't need to pay anything towards DC, no cms, no uniform, no clothes nothing towards anything. I've been wondering whether I was being unreasonable as I'm beginning to feel frustrated.

"costs of keeping in regular contact with a child you pay maintenance for (for example, fuel to travel between your home and the child’s)"

But we have also found that she (and I've now clarified he) can apply for a variation based on his income from certain sources too. So it will possibly be an increase overall. He just needs to give CMS a call and see if they can tell him the figure so he can increase it himself or if he has to go through all the official channels to apply.

Yes right. What he is looking for is a way to get a fair CMS figure and use that as a baseline for negotiations so it needs to take into account the variations on both sides to be fair. What he is hoping to achieve is an end to the angry texts. And he and the ex will know what is what going forward.

As always, a gentle reminder for the Frothers, that CM paid by a father who has his children EOW, one night in the week and half the holidays is so far from the end of what he pays for his children it's laughable.
The home large enough to house them comes with the larger bills too, their bedroom wasn't free, nor was the food they eat there or the clothes they wear there etc etc and so forth.
Ultimately, a child who lives across two homes costs more to run than a child with one home.

Can he buy the children’s shoes and coats ? School uniform is very expensive, surely he doesn’t begrudge buying his children stuff!

How we did our finances op, is I had to detail on an xls how much our dc cost. As my exdh is a high earner, this was high as they are ballet/skiing dc etc. it came to Y. Through the mediators, we used the calculator to get the CM amount, this was no where near Y. So i was awarded SM to the tune that SM + CM = Y. I gave him the option of paying 50% of all the extras, but he chose SM instead, as, for our lifestyle, it wouldn't have been an annual uniform request, it's daily for new ballet shoes or whatever.

@Yousee Thank you. And that is before we even get into my financial contribution towards them by having to pay more for them (I pay 50% of the bills etc). Stepfamily situations are just more expensive.

@arethereanyleftatall Thank you I feel this is similar to what DH is trying to achieve but without going through mediators again. I think it might be best for them to do so as I know otherwise they could go round in circles for a while!

@loosebutton dread to think what my personal financial contribution to DSD would work out as, best not to know!
I can't bear all the "CMS is not half what it costs to raise a child" chatter where there is zero knowledge of the bigger financial picture in that particular family.

@Yousee Yes best not to think about it! As people are so keen to say I "knew what I was getting in to" but they often seem to forget that means I knew I would be subsidising his children in someway.

I think as this is a basic necessity for school then it should be budgeted for by the parent receiving the CMS. I know not ideal but if you have children who are school age you know they need uniform as it is their daily clothing for the majority of time.

@horrificbiology

I know not ideal but if you have children who are school age you know they need uniform as it is their daily clothing for the majority of time.

This works both ways though.

That's something you need to take up with your husband then. It's not the children's mothers fault you haven't worked out your family finances to mean he lasts for his children, not you. Sort that out and have a think about what kind of man wouldn't simply take his DC shopping for school clothes, regardless of who they live with.

He PAYS for his children

I don't need to take it up with my husband and its completely seperate to this issue.

@mattressspring it is also not the fathers fault the childrens mother hasn't budgeted for basic clothing like uniform. I appreciate how expensive it is having children myself.

They don't need a new blazer every year, just when they grow and I find uniform can be variable during the year as they grow. Some things can be used from the year before.

Starting a new school is the big expense as you are buying everything from scratch so I can see why paying half for that was fair.

I think the CMS need to make a list of what is included in the payment to stop this situation from happening.

As for the OP I would just buy half the uniform yourself if affordable. Take them shopping for the things they need that mum has not already got for an easy life.

it is also not the fathers fault the childrens mother hasn't budgeted for basic clothing like uniform. I appreciate how expensive it is having children myself.

Why should she pay for it all? They are his children as well

He does pay for it - in the maintenance payment

I believe you can use the CMS website to look at what he would have to pay via them. I seem to remember my ex doing that.

I paid for ds1 uniform until last year. Before last year we had a the same contact you have with your DSC (every other weekend and 1 night a week). I didn’t get maintenance despite him being a very high earner (not relevant to the thread but I just didn’t want the abuse that came with it) so i budgeted for it out of just my salary. Since last year we moved to 50:50 (because covid made it easier that way) and ex now pays for the school uniform he uses.

we’ve agreed When ds1 is in secondary school we’ll carry on what we currently do because it’s roughly 50:50 uniform costs

cms does tell you exactly what it covers but uniform can be really expensive so a contribution isn’t unreasonable but I don’t think it can be demanded

This is such a snotty post!
It's not the children's mothers fault you haven't worked out your family finances to mean he lasts for his children, not you
It is her fault that she hasn't budgeted for her childrens everyday clothing though. I think most SM are happy to absorb incidental subsidising of their DSC to be honest. So half the mortgage for the bigger house that I also live in is one thing but paying the CM if DH lost his job would be another.
have a think about what kind of man wouldn't simply take his DC shopping for school clothes, regardless of who they live with
Have a think about what sort of mother takes a decent wedge of child support then bitches about having to clothe her children with it! See how that can be twisted both ways?

He does pay for it - in the maintenance payment

A man that pays the bare minimum for his children. What a catch.

That should say cms doesn’t tell you exactly what’s covered just an% of salary to cover basic living

I wasn't being snotty. This isn't about the mothers budgeting. Why should the father not pay anything other than the basic maintenance?

He does pay more than basic maintenance.
He feeds, clothes and houses his children on his own time and pays for half their school trips and music lessons.
He's expecting his basic CM to cover his children's basic needs such as school uniform.