School Uniform

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Hi my DH pays the CMS amount to his ex for the DSC, he is of the understanding that this is it. That's all he has to pay. Anything else extra is on top, so he pays for half their music lessons and the school trips. I'm asking because his ex has asked him for half the school uniform money for the last few years. He paid half when the eldest went up to secondary school but he said at the time this was a one off and he couldn't do it every year. Anyway he's received a stream of angry messages about it this year and a demand for money. Is he right? The CMS is it and uniform costs are factored into their calculation? Is there anywhere that tells you officially how they've worked it out?

I think I've upset some of you with my choice of wording re schooling. It's just the only way I can think of describing the differences and how the kids themselves have referred to them. So I apologise.

Calling the school posh wasn’t the issue. It was the fact that you said their mum wanted them to go to their, as if that was somehow wrong that she wants a nice school for her children oh I didn't mean to sound like it was wrong. It was just trying to say that's where mum wanted to send them so DH didn't argue with that. As I said I would have made the same choice of school I think if I lived where mum lives.

My ex pays me monthly but for one off things we normally go half. So for example he's going half for uniform or a summer school etc.
It's absolutely the right thing to do. It's an extra expense on top of the monthly costs and it's not fair for just one to pay. Uniform can cost like £200!
He earns significantly more then what I do so for me to pay for that on my own would put me out of pocket and just wouldn't be fair.
It's sad to hear that your partner isn't wanting to pay half.
Saying this, if I needed to replace a jumper or anything during the year I wouldn't ask for half. Just for the big summer purchase!

Poor kids. they are fine.

It’s actually sickening thinking of you and this ‘father’ trying to work out down to the penny how much his children cost. why? Mum is asking for money down to the penny.

It’s for no other reason than you to pay less no matter what you say. it will not affect how much I pay. We just want to come to an agreeable figure that mum and dad can see the calculation for and see as "fair". They might have to go back to mediation.

Good dads that are high earners make their kids lives good in their home with their mum too. their lives are absolutely fantastic at their mums house! You have no idea!

What a pair you are. If this man is like you, you’ll be dealing with him and his next woman trying to worm out of paying for your kids at some point. he is not trying to worm out of paying for them! It's all about budgeting and accounting and trying to set in place a figure both parties agree is fair, working out what this does and doesn't include to create a smoother journey going forwards so that the money issue doesn't crop up time and time again and everyone knows where they stand.

She is the one who takes them to school so it's only fair she decided! It wasn't a bad school so he didn't argue!

She is the one who takes them to school so it's only fair she decided!

So, as per my posts earlier, he really is a bare minimum Dad all round. I feel for these kids. He could easily afford to take them out and buy them some uniform, but he chooses not to because he has done 'enough' according to the CMS

You cannot possibly work out with any accuracy what it costs to raise a child day by day

How old are the children? 5 year olds will need less food than 15 year olds
5 year olds will need new shoes more often than 15 year olds- BUT 15 year olds will cost more in the first place
likewise clothes- school or otherwise.
Hobbies cost ballet, riding or whatever, Gadgets & such likewise.
Gas electic water all vary

It’s actually sickening thinking of you and this ‘father’ trying to work out down to the penny how much his children cost. why? Mum is asking for money down to the penny

both as bad as each other - not surprising they split up.

Same goes for divorced couples who argue about whose weekend it is.

They are your kids, stop trying to get one over on the other parent and look after them/contribute towards their upbringing properly. Kids come first.

Your reluctance to disclose how much CMS he pays just makes it look like he’s paying fuck all and you know it.

Just reading some of your responses OP and you sound VERY angry and butter towards the Mum.
None of us here know your story or background, but I can tell you this it would absolutely shattered my heart if my ex had a partner who was so against him paying a contribution towards their uniform.
I have my own personal opinion of my ex, he did not treat me well at all, but that will never ever come in front of my children, no matter how angry or bitter he makes me feel.
Your comment about you buying them summer clothes but you're not paying for their uniform... this may well be a valid point as they are not your children but it is just so sad to hear. Little children with little lives and their father and parented are so angry about paying a contribution for their uniform.
What a shame.

Why don't you feel sad the mother doesn't want to pay for their uniform out of the money she receives from their father?
Why select OP as a specifically saddening example?

@AdoptDontBeACunt your username is a bit hypocritical isn't it?

But being abusive is okay? Ah right.

No 😂 I have one child who lives with me hth.

This thread is shocking. OP you seem to have no idea how much it costs to actually support and raise a child full time.

You keep repeating how much of a high earner your DH is yet why are you both scrambling so desperately to reduce payments. He should want to contribute as much as he can afford to better their lives and make their mothers life easier.

The CMS calculator is pretty spot on to be honest so just use that and why not add a bit more onto it considering he's such a "high earner" and yes he should be contributing to half of the uniforms or at least offer to pay for the shoes and PE trainers.

My dd starts school in Sept and I've just had to calculate how much all of her uniform and equipment has cost me. £185 and the majority was from asda! And her wonderful father "forgot" I would be buying all this and hasn't contributed a penny.

My eldest 2 DC have a different dad and in a stark opposite situation their dad pays what CMS tell him to pay, plus half their phone contracts, half their trips, gives pocket money every week, spends double what I can afford at Xmas to make sure it's easier for me to budget and so the kids don't miss out on those bigger things like consoles and laptops etc. And has them 4 days a week.

The desperate act of making sure it's right down to the correct penny just stinks of bitterness and not doing what's right by the kids. It all screams hatred to the mum which is the wrong way to be.

Think she probably does have an idea considering she actually has a child

I haven't read the entire post I think it depends on if a "high" amount is £250 a month ( some would claim it to be) or 2500 a month. If it is an amount that means mum actually would struggle to house and feed and clothe the children if she doubled then he should pay half of extras. If she doubled his payment and would be able to live well then I would not go half.

I would however deal with the abusive messages. No engagement if they happen. I would lay that out clearly. Any further messages from you thst come across aggressive or abusive will not be responded to from now on until you can communicate like adults. And then stick to that. Grey rock any attempt of down put.

I'm a step mum and I personally think half of uniform plus CMS is fair tbh.

I would be horrified if my DP acted like this unless he was a very very high earner. School uniform is a killer !

If she had any idea she wouldn't be asking here if there was somewhere that calculated how much a child cost. She has actually posted here asking how much a child costs 😂

We all know what our own children cost. There is no amount that a child costs because you live to your means. Its all well and good you saying it's xyz but what your child costs isn't what mine costs and vice versa.