Husband arranging nights out during contact time

[stepmonster69]

Have name changed for this as I don't want it linked to other posts.

My DH has a son, 15, who spends 3 nights a week at our house. I have a 19yo who is away at uni a lot of the year. DH regularly agrees to go on nights out on the nights when his son is staying with us. He'll be out all evening, not getting back til late. He picks up SS and drops him at ours then goes out. I feel like he should try and be here most of the time when SS is here for contact but I genuinely don't know if I'm being unreasonable. Whilst he doesn't require looking after as such, he requires feeding and entertaining which falls to me.

His counter argument to me is that I sometimes go out when my DD is with us. The difference is that a) this is her main residence when she's not at uni, and b) she's an adult.

What do think fellow stepmums?

I hate this idea that a child who spends slightly more time at another home ( in this case 43% time at dad's and 57% at mums) needs to be accommodated on contact time. It's his home and if you went out when you DD was a similar age and left her with husband then I don't see a problem. Might agree if it's every week but once a month no.

Having said that you don't need to entertain a 15 year old. Tell him to get his own dinner. I feel you pain about talking over the TV its an irritating habit that both my DP and DSS have so no advice but if you don't want to watch tv with him go do something else. Read a book or go out with your own friends, I think when you have teen in the house you just need to accept that they mull around but doesn't mean you need to entertain them.

I think this is the crux of it.

He lives (almost) half of his life at one home and (just over half at the other). Like all families, things come up when there are date clashes. It is no big issue as the ds live with his Dad (nearly) half of his life. It would be quite weird if his Dad never went out on any of the nights his ds is living at this home. This isn't a child who only sees his Dad two or four nights a month.

I think this is the crux of it.

He lives (almost) half of his life at one home and (just over half at the other). Like all families, things come up when there are date clashes. It is no big issue as the ds live with his Dad (nearly) half of his life. It would be quite weird if his Dad never went out on any of the nights his ds is living at this home. This isn't a child who only sees his Dad two or four nights a month.

Sorry I know this Is a few days old....

The flip side, how many of you would come home with your teenager after they'd been at their dad's, get ready and go straight out without at the very least...

1. Squaring it with your other half in advance
2. Making sure they'd had dinner (or talking to them about what they were going to have)

I'm betting not alot. It takes a a military operation for me to go out, so maybe I'm just jealous of the husband having it so easy! YANBU in my opinion.

I think it's ok really. Even once a week on average I'd say was ok. He's a teen and I agree with your DH, it should feel normal.

If you wanna chill out elsewhere though, do that.