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Step-parenting

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Original poster

AIBU to insist DSS doesn't come to ours over this weekend?

354 replies

Weekendawaynightmare · 07/08/2022 17:15

Me and DH are going away for a long weekend next weekend. It's for my birthday.

My mum is very kindly coming to stay at our house to look after our toddler as it's easier for her with everything here already.

My step son (14) is not due to be with us that weekend hence why we booked it for then.

My husband told me yesterday that DSS is asking if he can stay at ours for the weekend as he wants to go out with a friend who lives closer to us. DH doesn't see the problem.

I'm insistent that he says no. It's too much to ask of my mum. DH doesn't think it will be a problem as he barely needs looking after. I don't think that's the point, it's another child in the house my mum will feel responsible for. How is she supposed to okay him going out with friends and police when he comes home etc... She'd also need to make his meals and things like that and I just do not think it's on to put that on her when she's already doing us such a huge favour.

I do not want to even ask as I know my mum will feel pressure to agree.

I think DH needs to say no on this occasion. We are always happy to have DSS outside of normal contact usually but this time we are away so we can't. If he wants to see this friend he'll have to sort it with his mum.

OP posts:
DuchessDarty · 12/08/2022 00:54

Can someone explain to me (obvious thicko that I am) why exactly who owns what is relevant to why a teenager should be allowed to stay alone when their parent and step parent isn't there ?

@pitchforksandflamethrowers

As I said above, I personally don't see who owns what is relevant here. I'm therefore surprised that a few posters starting saying the father may not own the house he lives in or that as a general rule, they wouldn't regard their home as their step-child's. It's irrelevant because the OP herself has agreed that she views it as the son's home.

However this is MN, threads often go from a specific conversation to a general one and even into the area of irrelevance. It's a discussion, they often move on and sometimes become about something that was never posted about in the first place (which isn't quite the case here). Just because someone makes an irrelevant point, doesn't mean posters aren't allowed to respond.

I don't believe anyone is really arguing the 14 should be allowed to stay alone when the OP and the step parent isn't there.

pitchforksandflamethrowers · 12/08/2022 12:11

*@DuchessDarty

As I said above, I personally don't see who owns what is relevant here. I'm therefore surprised that a few posters starting saying the father may not own the house he lives in or that as a general rule, they wouldn't regard their home as their step-child's. It's irrelevant because the OP herself has agreed that she views it as the son's home.

However this is MN, threads often go from a specific conversation to a general one and even into the area of irrelevance. It's a discussion, they often move on and sometimes become about something that was never posted about in the first place (which isn't quite the case here). *

This I agree with ^

Just because someone makes an irrelevant point, doesn't mean posters aren't allowed to respond.

To make myself plain, I asked because I didn't understand. Not because I think people can't respond or make "irrelevant" point. IMO I don't think it was said as such more as yes it's their home, but so sm/dad home and they make the rules.

I don't believe anyone is really arguing the 14 should be allowed to stay alone when the OP and the step parent isn't there.

This me and you will have to disagree on this point because I have seen variations of cancel the birthday trip. Ask grandma. And 14 is old enough to look after themselves and it's their home so they have a right to stay there. It doesn't sit well with me, because frankly people should be able to say no to these requests, I would say no to both my Dd and DSC. It is in my opinion not a step issue.

DuchessDarty · 12/08/2022 14:05

This me and you will have to disagree on this point because I have seen variations of cancel the birthday trip. Ask grandma. And 14 is old enough to look after themselves and it's their home so they have a right to stay there.

None of these options are the 14 year old staying by themselves @pitchforksandflamethrowers Even the last suggestion (old enough to look after themselves) is with the proviso that the OP's mother is there so there's an adult around.

Coffeepot72 · 12/08/2022 17:08

Ask grandma. And 14 is old enough to look after themselves and it's their home so they have a right to stay there.

At 14 I don’t think you have any rights to decide which house you stay in, that’s down to your parents!

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