His family have repeatedly called me ex's name

[chilledbubble]

I have been with DH just over 5 years. We are married. I have been called his ex wife's name on multiple occasions. By his sister a few times (including on our wedding day..nice) and twice now by his parents. Would I be a complete cow to start calling them by the wrong name? Our names aren't similar. I look nothing like her. And the DSC are sat right there so I think its insulting to everyone involved frankly.

This happened at a wedding I went to recently, the MC welcomed everyone to groom and ex-wife's reception, rather than groom and bride. He wasn't the only one to make that slip up that day. All completely unintentional; we all know the new wife well, but we also all knew the groom and ex-wife for years and years. Sometimes we slip into old habits. Unless they are doing it intentionally, I think you're reading too much into it. I sometimes refer to BIL and (name of girlfriend from 30 years ago), for no good reason other than my brain has disconnected momentarily. I completely understand that it upsets you, but I also understand that these kinds of slip ups are often made and generally innocent and unintentional.

And how do they react when it happens? I'm genuinely curious how others handle this.

@StanleyBostitch That is awful poor bride

You are overreacting. It’s an easy mistake to make and people do it all the time. You don’t have a separate, independent relationship with them, you are “Wife Of Son/Brother”. That they already had a label for “Wife of” means it’s natural that sometimes they mix it up.

Your DH was incredibly rude to demand they take down photos of his first wedding in their own home. Which life events they want photos displayed of isn’t his call. They may well have fond memories of that day.

Why would you be angry about something people do accidently? It's one if those things where the harder you try to stop it the more likely it is to happen too.

You're looking for reasons to be offended, which is often the way with IL relationships, but won't help anyone.

How do you react when your Dad calls you your sister's name (or however your family is)? I bet you barely notice and he's known you a lot longer.

They don't really say anything @chilledbubble , I think that is what then prompts the offender to try to gloss over and move on as quickly as possible. The offending person is usually quite embarrassed.

He didn't demand he asked them. He always hated that they still had them up. Would anyone be happy to go into a house and see photos on display of them and their Ex?! The kids weren't even in the photo so it's not about that.

Ah see the offending people don't appear embarrassed or even to acknowledge it.

Do parents do this? I guess I only have my DC and the two DSC and I've never got any of their names muddled.

I find it unpleasant to be called someone else's name repeatedly

For the most part, if you don't see them that often, it's more likely to happen. People mix names up all the time because your brain works by association.

I mix my dd and my dsis up ALL the time. I know they are seperate people but certain behaviours in them trigger my brain referring to the other one.

I called my dh by an ex-colleague's name a while back (not seen ex-colleague in over a decade) . Not because I was confused about who he was but because I was extremely irritated by a situation I was in (ex-colleague was a twat) and it triggered the name.

If there are other issues between your ILs and yourself, then the name muddling is part of a bigger problem.

If not then I think you need to chalk it up to an honest mistake and you need to think carefully about how you react so as not to create real issues for yourself going forward.

Yes. Yes they do. My whole family do it.

I quite often call DS2 by the name of a long standing colleague and friend. They have the same first initial and it's like I start saying the name and forget which one 😆 It's no insult to either of them, I'm fond of them both.

As someone who is terrible with names and often calls people the wrong name including regularly mixing up DS and DSS I wouldn't be offended. Oh and FIL called me exes name a couple of times before he passed away. He was very apologetic but honestly it didn't offend me in the least.

Growing up if my mum got my name right on the first attempt it was a miracle. I was regularly called as one of my siblings, aunts hell even the dogs. As an aside point it can be linked to dyslexia and dysbraxia. Something unheard of in older generations so a common genetic trait that was just not picked up on or named in these generations.

Yup and about 3-4 with the SIL.

In all honesty you come across as very insecure. They get your name wrong. It happens to people all the time. I’ve done it, I’ve had it happen to me, and the normal response is to ignore it or laugh it off.

Yes, my parents have photos of my brother’s first wedding up. It was a very happy memory for them, despite the marriage breaking up some years later. They are still on good terms with the mother of their grandchildren. As indeed is my brother. His second wife has no problem with that because she knows her marriage is happy and secure.

So approx once a year, different people get your name wrong.

@Coffeaddict , that interesting about Dyslexia and dyspraxia. I had wondered about that, as my DH is by far the worst offender with the ex's name clangers.

Maybe it's different as DH and Ex are not on great terms and Ex is not on good terms with the inlaws they don't speak. They do reminisce a lot about the good old days when they were together though.

Yes often in my own house when I've cooked their dinner.

All the time! Honestly, I don't think my mother has EVER got my name right first time, it's usually 3rd time.

I mix up my kids sometimes, and have even thrown the dog's name into the mix recently - he's my baby too.

It sounds like your PIL do it accidentally and are embarrassed so correct it and ignore the mistake. They don't want to highlight it further.

I think YABU to be so angry about it, unless there is a lot more to this than a few slip-ups in 5+ years.