His family have repeatedly called me ex's name

[chilledbubble]

I have been with DH just over 5 years. We are married. I have been called his ex wife's name on multiple occasions. By his sister a few times (including on our wedding day..nice) and twice now by his parents. Would I be a complete cow to start calling them by the wrong name? Our names aren't similar. I look nothing like her. And the DSC are sat right there so I think its insulting to everyone involved frankly.

I'm not saying it's good, but no one does it deliberately. I'm not sure what you want people to do to make sure they never have a slip of the tongue. Surely you must occasionally call the kids by the dog's name etc?

I sometimes mix up my nieces names. I see them as entirely separate people. Sometimes my brain is just on holiday

I accidentally called by BIL by my sister’s ex’s name just as we were going in my sister’s hen party. Totally accident and he and I were tactfully both ignoring it until my cousin gleefully pointed it out multiple times. They had me as the announcer of speeches at their wedding and I was so paranoid I would say the wrong name again. My same BIL called my cousin’s new wife by his ex wife’s name at their wedding (thankfully not to them).
if you think about names being in drawers in the brain then the chances are your name is in the drawer next to hers as you’ll be filed initially in terms of your relationship to their family member. I think that’s quite normal. My Dad used to call my sister and I both Babe and I’m sure that was to avoid upsetting us by calling us the others name.

It could easily be accidental but therefore it could also be an easy way for someone to choose to annoy you. Im sure my ILs would have deliberately done it. I’m the first girlfriend my DH took him though so they haven’t had the chance… they’ve done plenty of other equally rude things.

If it is something done in isolation then I would forget about it. If it’s part of pattern then I would forget about them unless you’re seeing them and medium chill them you are. Every time you think of this and it burns, move your mind onto something else as circular thoughts about someone else’s behaviour that you can’t change only poisons your life. Easier said than done but does get better with practice.

To a large extent, to his family, you are "the girlfriend", especially if you don't see them often enough to have become close to them.

Then yes I think it's unreasonable of them to not even apologise for it. They may not be able to help it but I would always say sorry for getting someone's name wrong, I imagine most would surely?

And if I did it on their wedding day I'd be absolutely horrified and spend the next 10 years with it keeping me up at night 😂

She's his wife and they should be apologising if they get her name wrong.

In that case I shall call MIL by my ex's mum's name and act as if nothing is wrong. My SIL I will call my Ex's brother's name. If anyone thinks that is rude that's their issue. I will treat them as interchangeable.

Honestly, I think you’re massively overreacting. What you’re talking about doing in retaliation are all conscious things and are therefore rude and petty. What it sounds like your ILs are doing isn’t conscious or deliberate, so it can’t possibly be rude, despite the fact that it’s simultaneously annoying/hurtful to you.

It's not the same thing at all because they're entirely different relationships to you.

Of course they should apologise, but maybe they're embarrassed and think the best thing to do is gloss over it, ignore it, pretend it never happened and move on.

If it's bothering you this much talk to them about it. That's going to be far more helpful than sulking and inventing a revenge that will make you look stupid and petty.

Do you think they are doing it on purpose? If so you are right to be angry. If they are doing it accidentally then you are over reacting.
I think we've all been guilty of this. I call my children my dogs' names, I call my nephew my son's name, I call my daughter my sister's name. I doesn't mean I disrespect the people I am talking to, it doesn't mean anything.

You need to correct them when they do it if you find it rude .

I bet they would soon stop if you did this. A one off you can understand as a slip. Repeated misnamings and no apology is far more likely to be deliberate.

It's not the same thing at all because they're entirely different relationships to you. no it's not. They are mother and sibling of a bloke I was with

If he's got children with his ex he was presumably with her for a while and you said yourself you don't see them often so it's a mistake I can understand happening once or twice.

Just make a joke of it.

Youv'e never, presumably seem then un the same family set up as the one yiu want to insult. Plus they do it my accident and you want to do it deliberately.

It's up to you. Do it if you think it will help you at all.

Do you think it is actively deliberate?

I would try to take the higher ground, how embarrassing for your SIL to make that mistake, don’t you feel sorry for her and how hard she must cringe every time she thinks if it?

Could you even say “Gosh, that’s a whopper!” and laugh at them.
I must say though, all the talk of Respect would really get my back up, and make me loathe you regardless of the name I was calling you to your face.

I would be cross too OP, I'd def correct them every time. Your SIL doesn't even have the excuse of age to fall back on! If she does it again then ask her sweetly if everyone needs to wear name badges for her.

I called my current husband by my old husband's name the other day. I frequently misname the kids. It happens.

I don't think it is intentional. There is no point getting angry about it. The mistake will happen less as time goes on.

My BIL and Dsis have been with their new spouses 6 or 7 years and it still happens occasionally that someone calls their OH by the ex's name.

You are so angry! Raging.

Why is this provoking such a strong reaction? Is there more to this? Do you feel threatened by the ex in some way?

It's disrespectful but your reaction is disproportionate to the offence.

You’re very petty, I can think of a few names I’d call you if you were my sister in law for sure.
I’ve been married for 15 years now and still accidentally say my exs name in relation to my in laws. Say my DH is John and my ex is Sam. I will say “Sam’s folks” by accident…I don’t know why, it just still happens. I’m sure I’ve even referred to John as Sam- but when talking about him and not to him. It’s a labelling thing in the brain where the categories are stored rather than the specifics- which is why I also still mix up childrens names despite my eldest not living at home now for 8 years! It isn’t rational or deliberate.

Could you even say “Gosh, that’s a whopper!” and laugh at them.
I must say though, all the talk of Respect would really get my back up, and make me loathe you regardless of the name I was calling you to your face. well it is disrespectful. But yes I could just laugh at them haha silly in laws.

You wouldn't be angry? If you've been with your DH for years and they still can't get your name right?

It’s annoying, but it’s obviously a mistake and not a deliberate insult so you are massively over reacting. This is not something that should create this much anger in you.