I don't care when they are here.

[LightningAndRainbows]

Not a major relationship ending drama but DH is doing my head in. He keeps discussing when the DSC are here and that the ex wants to swap a week etc. Every couple of months it's the same thing and summer holiday planning is the worst. I have bought a calendar and told him to just write it on there. And then if we have a holiday plan then yes we need to know what week we are planning it for. Other than that I just don't need to know the updates on the plan. They come when they come. He does the food shopping so it's not like I even need to think about that. Anyway I told him again this morning that I don't care when they are here, or that the ex is being a pain and trying to stop him having certain days. Just put it in the calendar when it's resolved. He's got upset that I don't seem interested in when they will be here. Its every other week and in the holidays so it's not like we go months without seeing them.

I understand OP and I actually think you’re really accommodating by not minding how often and when your DSC visit.

My DH used to send me screenshots of his and his exW’s bickering. Like you, I asked him to stop. Tell me what affects me and keep everything else to yourself. His ex is unreasonable and he isn’t very forgiving to her, I don’t need to be part of their bickering.

I think the difference is that I don’t care properly expresses your frustration at the seemingly irresolvable issue that repeats. Whereas the other one is about making him feel better about it all and presenting yourself as ‘not a problem for him’.

Thing is, you want him to know and understand that it is not ok to bang on and on about this. You do not care.

It’s not about whether the children are welcome in the least. It’s about their contact arrangements being such a focal point and source of stress because of how he’s handling it. That’s not about the children at all.

It’s not about whether the children are welcome in the least. It’s about their contact arrangements being such a focal point and source of stress because of how he’s handling it. That’s not about the children at all. yes! Thank you. It seems to be going a bit smoother now but summer holidays are looming so we shall see.

You definitely won't get a bashing from me, I expect I'd feel exactly as you do.

Do you think you'd be happier without his kids in your life? Perhaps this relationship really isn't the one for you.

I think you're right to want no part of this drama, although you could phrase it a bit less bluntly. So be consistant that you don't need to know anything more than the dates on the calendar, but just say "I'm fine with them coming anytime, just write it on the calendar." It may amount to the same but comes across differently.

Just being a little pedantic, LighteningandRainbows, It really gets to me when if I ask DH what he fancies for dinner, (for eg) and he replies with 'I don't care' but if he says 'I don't mind' it sounds so much nicer in my head.
To him they mean exactly the same thing.

To me, I don’t care means I have no interest in any of the options, and I don’t mind means I have the same interest in all of the options.