Does your SC have a room at your house?

[ouesyesh]

Scenario:

Resident children
1 girl (10) going through puberty
1 boy (4)

SS is 14, stays over about 3-4 nights a month.

3 bedroom house. No other additional rooms to turn into a bedroom.

A) Let SS sleep on pull out bed in living room when over
B) Give SS a room - if so what do resident kids do?

What did you plan when you bought a 3 bedroomed house despite having 3 children who all appear to need their own rooms?

@ouesyesh you’re calling people thick yet you and your husband failed to consider the implications on the existing children and whether you could afford to house them before you had a child together.
Interesting.

[quote aSofaNearYou]@Autumn42 I know a 4 year old would likely adapt to it (though I do think mine would be confused and possibly upset that she couldn't sleep in her own room) but I disagree that that would have no knock on affect and you wouldn't likely find them knocking on your door on other nights because they want to come in with you.

I also just don't think of a 4 year old as that young. They are transitioning into an older child with much more independence and I would never consider this for a child above toddler age.

I don't mean to make a stalemate back and forth, we obviously don't agree on this particular topic, but I just would not do this just so the 14 year old didn't have to share. I don't consider it worth it, and I also think it's an odd message to send both of them.[/quote]
The impact on the 14 year old will be much greater though.
When my first child was 4 I thought of 4 year olds being much older and more mature (sic) than they actually are, lots of dcs, dsc grandchildren and nieces and nephews later, definitely now view 4 year olds as little more than tots

[quote RussianSpy101]@ouesyesh you’re calling people thick yet you and your husband failed to consider the implications on the existing children and whether you could afford to house them before you had a child together.
Interesting.[/quote]
Quite a big ask of people not to have their own dc and not like this is some insurmountable issue

The impact on the 14 year old will be much greater though.
When my first child was 4 I thought of 4 year olds being much older and more mature (sic) than they actually are, lots of dcs, dsc grandchildren and nieces and nephews later, definitely now view 4 year olds as little more than tots

They're young but that doesn't mean they don't need their own room. Hindsight might be good in some ways but having a young child recently does help remind you how mature they actually are. They're not tots, and certainly if they are at 4 they won't be for much longer. I'm not keen generally on the idea of cosleeping with children above toddler age so a 4 year old is too old to be randomly pulled out of their room to me - definitely old enough to wonder why and not like it or to become overly attached to the idea. Meanwhile I simply disagree that the impact on the 14 year old would be so massive he would need this unusual precedent set as his sibling grows up. Especially as OP says he regularly has the living room to himself all evening which I think is quite rare.

My preschooler would not be happy about giving up his bedroom. He’s quite sensitive to change and that would upset him, he wouldn’t understand why he was getting his nose pushed out. Also it’s his space? All the time, not for snippets of time. On holiday or at his Nans he sleeps wherever but at home he has his room. I don’t think it sends a good message to resident children to kick them out their safe space in favour of a sibling.

Also if he did take to it, he’d then spend the following week asking to come into our room, so it would be a headache alround.

@HotDogKetchup

My preschooler would not be happy about giving up his bedroom. He’s quite sensitive to change and that would upset him, he wouldn’t understand why he was getting his nose pushed out. Also it’s his space? All the time, not for snippets of time. On holiday or at his Nans he sleeps wherever but at home he has his room. I don’t think it sends a good message to resident children to kick them out their safe space in favour of a sibling.

Also if he did take to it, he’d then spend the following week asking to come into our room, so it would be a headache alround.

However you’ve got to consider the headache of an unhappy 14 year old ds also. How can you say on the one hand your preschooler would be so upset sleeping in your room that it’s not worth it for the happiness and relationship between the ds and his father/paternal family and on the other hand say that your preschooler would be insisting on coming in your room?

The step DC is 14, thus has far greater cognitive ability than a 4 year old. He has a room at his mums and I bet he’d be mighty annoyed if it was allocated to some of else in his absence every other weekend.

A 4 year old might be young enough to share with parents and be a "tot", but that's a school aged child, and within a short period, very much not a tot.

14 year olds are old enough to understand a 3 bedroom house means he would have to share with someone and that someone being the boy is better than the girl.

So just put the boys in together. A pair of single beds or bunk beds, some drawers and or wardrobe space for the dss so he gets to keep some things at his dads.

Op the reason you're getting the answers you're giving is that when people looked for more information you gave the impression you bought your house without discussing with your DH what would happen with your SS.

Had you said "we've bought this house due to financial constraints, the plan is x, do you think it's OK?", people would have responded differently.

@HotDogKetchup

The step DC is 14, thus has far greater cognitive ability than a 4 year old. He has a room at his mums and I bet he’d be mighty annoyed if it was allocated to some of else in his absence every other weekend.

14 and 4 year olds would view this very differently, I really don’t think the 4 year old would be annoyed going to kip in mummy and daddy’s room for 4 nights a month

@aSofaNearYou

*The impact on the 14 year old will be much greater though. When my first child was 4 I thought of 4 year olds being much older and more mature (sic) than they actually are, lots of dcs, dsc grandchildren and nieces and nephews later, definitely now view 4 year olds as little more than tots*

They're young but that doesn't mean they don't need their own room. Hindsight might be good in some ways but having a young child recently does help remind you how mature they actually are. They're not tots, and certainly if they are at 4 they won't be for much longer. I'm not keen generally on the idea of cosleeping with children above toddler age so a 4 year old is too old to be randomly pulled out of their room to me - definitely old enough to wonder why and not like it or to become overly attached to the idea. Meanwhile I simply disagree that the impact on the 14 year old would be so massive he would need this unusual precedent set as his sibling grows up. Especially as OP says he regularly has the living room to himself all evening which I think is quite rare.

I have a current preschooler, a year 2 child plus teenage and grown up children and step children plus my children have been those going to their father’s and step family. I definitely consider the preschooler as not much more than a baby than I did with my older children now I have that hindsight. Things which are a big deal to a 4 year old are not the same as to a 14 year old and vice versa. 14 year olds are generally much happier if they have their own space whereas that doesn’t generally matter that much to a 4 year old, even my year 2 dc wouldn’t be that bothered about giving up her room for an older sibling to sleep in mummy and daddy’s room. If the teenage dc and Ds had to share with the little ones it would be a nightmare. The OP will decide on what best suits her family as she knows their characters the best.

Autumn42 And yet multiple people have said that their preschoolers would be bothered/unsettled by giving up their own room, and/or that if they did take to it it would lead to them wanting to do it all the time creating an ongoing issue, and you seem really reluctant to accept that that's even a possibility.

Perhaps you've known particularly pliant and oblivious 4 year olds.

@Autumn42 I don’t actually think it is a big ask for people to stop and consider whether they can afford children before they have them.

[quote RussianSpy101]@Autumn42 I don’t actually think it is a big ask for people to stop and consider whether they can afford children before they have them.[/quote]
First world problems.

[quote RussianSpy101]@Autumn42 I don’t actually think it is a big ask for people to stop and consider whether they can afford children before they have them.[/quote]
Tbh..I don't think it's a massive ask for siblings to share but here we are people losing their minds at the prospect .

Can you actually believe people are suggesting that someone shouldn't expand their family because of the deep trauma of sharing a room. How bonkers is that...

@timestheyarechanging

Children need their own bedrooms. Why have any more kids than you can provide a space for?

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 do you think all siblings in the UK have their own rooms? Really?

Sharing a room with siblings has been a thing for a LONG time.

On the porn thing .. firstly Ew. And secondly if that really was a thing, I would expect any 14 year old to know and understand that he can't watch porn in front of his 4 year old brother. In fact I'd be extremely concerned if he didn't and if I found he'd shown my 4 year old porn he'd never be coming again.

@candlesandpitchforks they’re not siblings though. There’s a 14yo boy and a 10yo girl who are not related whatsoever. Completely in appreciate for them to share!

[quote RussianSpy101]@candlesandpitchforks they’re not siblings though. There’s a 14yo boy and a 10yo girl who are not related whatsoever. Completely in appreciate for them to share![/quote]
Most people aren't suggesting they share. They are suggesting the siblings i.e both boys, share. Which is completely normal.

@springbreak22

Moved to a house big enough for your 2 children but not your partners, interesting

This

Moved to a house big enough for your 2 children but not your partners, interesting

A 3 bed house is big enough for 3 kids. Don't be fucking ridiculous.

I would ask your SS what he wants. If he wants to share with his brother then either get bunk beds or a pull out bed. Your SS is old enough to tell you what he wants. My 3 year old DGD shares a room quite happily with her DSS and she is 12.

www.forbes.com/sites/geoffreymorrison/2016/07/24/what-its-like-to-stay-at-a-japanese-capsule-hotel/

The Japanese have no problem with a dozen strangers sharing a room!
This is how they do it.

@aSofaNearYou

Autumn42 And yet multiple people have said that their preschoolers would be bothered/unsettled by giving up their own room, and/or that if they did take to it it would lead to them wanting to do it all the time creating an ongoing issue, and you seem really reluctant to accept that that's even a possibility.

Perhaps you've known particularly pliant and oblivious 4 year olds.

Far from it but we’ve had 5 dcs go through the age of 14 and and unless particularly placid 4 and 14 year old boys then it’s unlikely to be a happy arrangement. None of the posters stated either that the 4 year old would hate sleeping in mummy and daddy’s room, they just wouldn’t want the ‘hassle’ The OP will work out what is best for their family at the end of the day, she’s just wanted the get an idea of the pros and cons and having 7 dcs and been through those ages forgive me for thinking I might have a better idea than someone with the experience of one 4 year old dc