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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Should they pay to replace it?

280 replies

CamelotPudding · 30/01/2022 11:12

I'm pretty furious right now.

It was my DD's birthday a couple of days ago. She's only 2. She got a ride on elephant toy thing which she was really excited about when she saw it.

It's specifically designed for young toddlers (up to 36 months) and is only small. There is a seat on it big enough for small children but definitely not designed for older children / adults.

My SS can play a bit roughly sometimes and was trying to joke around and sit in/climb over it when playing with DD. I repeatedly said to him to stop because it wasn't his and was not designed for older children (he's 11) and he would break it.

Anyway lo and behold he's done it again and the side of the seat has broken and now my daughter can't sit in it properly.

I am so pissed off. We don't have loads of spare money. This was £60 and her main present. It's been two fucking days for Godsake.

I've said to DH I think we should tell SS he has to pay to replace it with the money he got at Christmas (he got over £200 from relatives). I repeatedly told him, he is old enough to know better and I am sick of him just getting away with everything (DH is a pushover).

So AIBU? I'm really annoyed.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Tiramysu · 31/01/2022 20:49

The Christmas money means now is a good time to learn this lesson imo. If they didn't have the £60 then I'd say ask them how they can make it up to their little sister and also maybe chores. As they have £200 £60 is a decent chunk but not enough that they can't enjoy their Christmas money.

bongobingo43 · 31/01/2022 21:17

Surely it's up to his Dad to decide on an appropriate consequence/punishment, discuss it with him and follow through?

If your friends son broke your Dds toy, would you be getting involved in how she deals with it?

Obviously you'd want if replaced but let your DH deal with that. The same as you would if your friends dc broke it - you'd leave it for your friend to sort with the hope of a replacement. You wouldn't get yourself involved with how she handles it would you?

BananaBlue · 31/01/2022 21:22

[quote QuirkyTurtle]**@TracyMosby* Tell him once. If he does it a second time, remove it.*

I don't get this attitude. So OP's daughter doesn't get to play with her new toy because her brother can't behave or control himself?[/quote]
His dad should have been able to stop him.

But as a last resort yes I would have removed it purely to keep it from breaking.

That didn’t happen, SS broke it and now she cannot play with it at all.

OP hasn’t returned, I hope she has got it sorted.

I’d really love to know what her DP approach was tbh.

QuirkyTurtle · 31/01/2022 21:26

The same as you would if your friends dc broke it - you'd leave it for your friend to sort with the hope of a replacement. You wouldn't get yourself involved with how she handles it would you?

This friend's child doesn't live in OPs house so this comparison doesn't hold up.

BananaBlue · 31/01/2022 21:27

Or in other words, to protect the interests of my DC, my golden uterus would have temporarily removed the toy and distract her with another activity so she could later play with it permanently.

Not that my golden uterus absolves DP or SS, as the former should have dealt with this and the latter should listen.

If babysitting, that’s the last time I’d be looking after SS.

Secondtimemama32 · 31/01/2022 21:29

A contribution would be good. £60 is far too much for him to pay and he will resent you.

Tiramysu · 31/01/2022 21:31

@Secondtimemama32

A contribution would be good. £60 is far too much for him to pay and he will resent you.

£60 is how much it cost though. Time he learnt the value of money.

BadgerStripes · 31/01/2022 21:32

@Theunamedcat

What was your husband doing while his son was breaking toys?

This

QuirkyTurtle · 31/01/2022 21:34

I know this is a wild concept, but sometimes dad's eyes aren't permanently fixed on their child. Sometimes dads even step outside the house while the stepparent looks after their child. Not often of course, that would be ludicrous.

QueenofDestruction · 31/01/2022 22:04

He should pay if it was someone else's property he is old enough to be charged with criminal damage. Good parenting is teaching him about consequences.

ExcuseeeeMe · 31/01/2022 22:16

@QueenofDestruction

He should pay if it was someone else's property he is old enough to be charged with criminal damage. Good parenting is teaching him about consequences.

Jesus wept

mugglenutmeg · 31/01/2022 22:20

I would think you saw this coming / as you said he's pretty boisterous and you bought a very tempting toy that he can't play with...how frustrating for him. I'm sure you knew this was probably going to happen, why Sydney you supervised more closely?

mugglenutmeg · 31/01/2022 22:20

*didnt

bongobingo43 · 31/01/2022 22:23

@QuirkyTurtle

The same as you would if your friends dc broke it - you'd leave it for your friend to sort with the hope of a replacement. You wouldn't get yourself involved with how she handles it would you?

This friend's child doesn't live in OPs house so this comparison doesn't hold up.

My point is that it's his father who should be deciding how/when/I'd to teach his son a lesson.

OP is right to expect it to be replaced but as long as her Dd gets a new toy. Other than that she should take a step back

WaitingForEgg · 31/01/2022 22:24

Yes I think he should replace it. I think had it just been an accident. No one had warned him and he was sorry, I think that’s probably different. If you repeatedly warned him and he did it anyway… he needs to pay to replace

QuirkyTurtle · 31/01/2022 22:33

@mugglenutmeg

Excellent point! OP, have you considered that 11 year old boys simply cannot resist temptation? This is a biological FACT.

In fact, I'm starting to suspect that YOU specifically asked your family to buy an expensive toy for your daughter that you KNEW your stepson would not be able to resist, in order to TRAP this poor boy into breaking it. I bet you were standing behind a wall LAUGHING as this was happening. I bet you couldn't believe your luck that he took the bait and now you get to punish him.

OP I think you should pay HIM the £60 and apologise for bringing this SEDUCTIVE toy into his innocent life. My heart bleeds for this child.

Mummyof4doves · 31/01/2022 22:46

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

caringcarer · 31/01/2022 23:41

Yes at 11 he needs to learn not listening and doing as he is told has consequences. He should replace your DC toy.

BaronessBomburst · 31/01/2022 23:58

@QuirkyTurtle Yes! Exactly! In fact, I sincerely hope that when he hits puberty the OP and her daughter will both don burkas to avoid tempting him further.
They'll be reasonable for his actions if they don't.

Tiramysu · 01/02/2022 05:45

@mugglenutmeg

Is this a parody post?

I mean how DARE the 2 year old be given something fun.

Tiramysu · 01/02/2022 05:45

@QuirkyTurtle

Gardengates · 01/02/2022 06:22

@mugglenutmeg

Said every rape defence lawyer ever...

ilovemyboys3 · 01/02/2022 06:46

Haha there really are some crazy people on this thread suggesting it was bait for him to break it. I mean wtf....

You should make your 11 give a contribution to the replacement and make him earn the test doing chores. He needs to learn actions have consequences, as do all children! That's what makes children into respectful adults.

Given that it was brand new and that he had been repeatedly told to be careful, he should of known better.

A child over 10 is deemed as knowing right from wrong in law. We all know kids can get carried away etc but he's 11 not 6 or 7!

CeeceeBloomingdale · 01/02/2022 06:47

I would ask him to pay a percentage, not all of it. If you repeatedly told him not to do something there was something ineffective in your communication. You need to give a consequence if he continues or remove him or the toy from the situation. At 11 he probably seems very grown up compared to your toddler but he is still very much a child. I think it's shared responsibility, both you and he were at fault.

Tiramysu · 01/02/2022 07:02

@CeeceeBloomingdale that sends an absolutely terrible message to a child about to start secondary school. It's ok, if you damage something or do something you shouldn't, if the person saying no didn't say it in the right way it's partly their fault..

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