Should they pay to replace it?

[CamelotPudding]

I'm pretty furious right now.

It was my DD's birthday a couple of days ago. She's only 2. She got a ride on elephant toy thing which she was really excited about when she saw it.

It's specifically designed for young toddlers (up to 36 months) and is only small. There is a seat on it big enough for small children but definitely not designed for older children / adults.

My SS can play a bit roughly sometimes and was trying to joke around and sit in/climb over it when playing with DD. I repeatedly said to him to stop because it wasn't his and was not designed for older children (he's 11) and he would break it.

Anyway lo and behold he's done it again and the side of the seat has broken and now my daughter can't sit in it properly.

I am so pissed off. We don't have loads of spare money. This was £60 and her main present. It's been two fucking days for Godsake.

I've said to DH I think we should tell SS he has to pay to replace it with the money he got at Christmas (he got over £200 from relatives). I repeatedly told him, he is old enough to know better and I am sick of him just getting away with everything (DH is a pushover).

So AIBU? I'm really annoyed.

@LethargicActress

If I were the step sons mother there’s no way I’d allow you and the child’s father to take their Christmas money from them. You have no right at all to make that call, and your DH can only make that decision with the mothers agreement. You dont get to take children’s money off them Willy nilly, even if they did break something.

The ultimate responsibility lies with whoever was supervising the SS at the time the toy got broken.

Do you not teach your kids consequences then?

Also, if that xmas money came from dad/dad's side of the family then it would have absolutely nothing to do with you. Dad can make decisions about consequences that occurred in his house without permission from mum.

My husband would think nothing of the fact their Mum took some of their money as a consequence for this situation other than being annoyed that his 11 year old child was misbehaving. Because that's what it is... Misbehaving.

Do you not teach your kids consequences then? .
Seems many don't scarily. No wonder there are so many misbehaving kids about at the moment who have no respect for anything or anyone. Seems they are never held accountable for anything they do!

And agree, it depends who the money came from too. If it came from dad or his side of the family then it's quite honestly fuck all to do with their mother.

I definitely wouldn't take Christmas money gifted to him to pay for it. However I would consider asking him to do jobs/chores to earn the money to pay towards a new one

The lengths to which some here will go to attack stepmothers - with zero justification is farcical.

Can they not see how ridiculous they make themselves appear? Or does their bitterness wipe out logic?

If the teacher rings you and says your year 6 child has been misbehaving and ignoring their teachers repeated warnings do you blame the teacher because they were supervising? 🤣

@TheFrogAndHen - Nope, these are the kinds of people that think their kid is infallible and if the teacher complains it must be their fault. Nightmare for schools and not doing the kid any favours in the long term either.

If the teacher rings you and says your year 6 child has been misbehaving and ignoring their teachers repeated warnings do you blame the teacher because they were supervising?

As a teacher I can tell you that absolutely, we are blamed for children's blatant misbehaviour.

I am not sure I would take Christmas money for this but there need to be consequences. Maybe the option of X chore at £X amount for however many weeks it gets to pay off or he can choose to have the money removed from his Christmas money and the additional chore isn't required?

@Mummyof4doves

Why wouldn’t you want your kids to replace something they broke ? Isn’t that what you do as parent, teach them right from wrong. My eldest offered to replace his brothers tablet when he stepped on it horsing around even when I told him to be careful because he knew that was the right thing to do.

I’m a adult step child and not a step parent so maybe that’s why I have a different view but I find this all a bit batty. In this case the step son broke the toy, why is everyone else being blamed ? The fact he’s a step child is irrelevant and shouldn’t be changing anything but I get the feeling it is.

I have to say @sadpapercourtesan I always thought you were a troll account, and I have spent sometime lurking on this page for sometime and who isn’t a step parent you do post some fairly vile comments always aimed towards step mums in particular, your name frequently pops up.

What an odd comment can you provide examples of these vile attacks on stepmums I've launched from my specially created troll account?

Or maybe I'm an ordinary long-standing poster who sometimes disagrees with the bizarre attitudes that proliferate here about acceptable behaviour towards stepchildren?

I specifically said OP and SS are jointly responsible so OP should also shoulder some blame

But this is just blatantly bullshit. Please tell me you wouldn't tell your 11 year old's teacher they were jointly responsible if your kid got in trouble for failing to listen multiple times? You'd be the school laughing stock.

11 year old's are solely responsible for their failure to listen after repeated warnings. To say anything else is just absurd.

Or maybe I'm an ordinary long-standing poster who sometimes disagrees with the bizarre attitudes that proliferate here about acceptable behaviour towards stepchildren?

It is pretty hard to believe that anyone could genuinely be as extreme as you come across on most threads on this board, tbf.

@aSofaNearYou

Or maybe I'm an ordinary long-standing poster who sometimes disagrees with the bizarre attitudes that proliferate here about acceptable behaviour towards stepchildren?

It is pretty hard to believe that anyone could genuinely be as extreme as you come across on most threads on this board, tbf.

I feel the same way about you, tbh. You come across as unusually pugnacious and vengeful. Happily I don't meet many people with that sort of attitude IRL either.

How do you people go through life if you expect any and all "temptations " to simply be removed out of their way? And if they don't... well it's someone else fault obviously.

It's really not hard to imagine what kind of teenage boy, then young adult man, this is going to produce in a few short years, is it.

If it's always someone else's fault for tempting him and not saying no forcibly enough...

I feel the same way about you, tbh. You come across as unusually pugnacious and vengeful. Happily I don't meet many people with that sort of attitude IRL either.

Yep, which is why it's so hard to believe you're a real person 😂

Because "vengeful" is about as far away from me as it's possible to be. I'm a perfectly normal person. You have to question the kind of person that throws out insults like that over the smallest things and then still goes away feeling like they have the moral highround and are the nice one...

I actually rather enjoy @aSofaNearYou's comments on this forum, even though I don't necessarily always agree. I find your comments very balanced and attempting to see the issue from all perspectives.

@sadpapercourtesan I find that you often lack empathy and the ability to put yourselves in someone else's shoes, and fail to understand that things that are good in theory are often impossible to execute in practice. You do come across as somewhat holier-than-thou and I expect you think your parenting skills are superior.

I'm sure you'll shrug this off and tell me to step outside the echochamber, but this is how you are coming across based on your comments.

I feel the same way about you, tbh. You come across as unusually pugnacious and vengeful. Happily I don't meet many people with that sort of attitude IRL either.

Oh the irony of this post!

@LethargicActress

If I were the step sons mother there’s no way I’d allow you and the child’s father to take their Christmas money from them. You have no right at all to make that call, and your DH can only make that decision with the mothers agreement. You dont get to take children’s money off them Willy nilly, even if they did break something.

The ultimate responsibility lies with whoever was supervising the SS at the time the toy got broken.

The father doesn't need the mothers agreement to parent his child how he sees fit

The father doesn't need the mothers agreement to parent his child how he sees fit

It doesn't appear that this is how the father wants to parent his child. OP is moaning her DH is too laid black and soft as a parent so this is being driven by her

PPs have been asking what the dads view is on it and she's not answering that question

I commented below and said she should take a step back and let his dad do the parenting. So long as the toy is replaced, it's not her concern. This would then also avoid the child's mum having a say

@AndAnotherNewOne

Of course he should pay. Ignore the wailing of the first wives who hate stepmothers. They are so transparent and very unpleasant.

Do you know how ridiculous this sounds? How'd you like being told to ignore the wailing of the stepmothers who hate their step kids? They are so transparent and very unpleasant.

I'd be annoyed because he's been told repeatedly not to play with it. I don't think it was deliberate from what you've said but he was warned.

I don't think I'd expect him to replace it - a contribution is fair but he's a kid at the end of the day and I don't think it would be fair to expect him to pay the full £60. Be prepared because you're going to end up with a lot of broken things in your life. In my 26 years experience of being a parent, kids break and damage things a lot for quite a long time. Rarely deliberately, often because they don't listen or are messing around.

In my 26 years experience of being a parent, kids break and damage things a lot for quite a long time. Rarely deliberately, often because they don't listen or are messing around.

Perhaps they wouldn't have broken things quite as often if they'd been made to pay for the things they've broken.

@QuirkyTurtle

In my 26 years experience of being a parent, kids break and damage things a lot for quite a long time. Rarely deliberately, often because they don't listen or are messing around.

Perhaps they wouldn't have broken things quite as often if they'd been made to pay for the things they've broken.

Did I say they broke things every day? Do you have saintly kids that listen to everything you say all the time? I highly doubt it. Are you one of those wailing step mothers who hates the first wives and thinks anyone that posts on here who dares to disagree with you that they must be one of these first wives and can't possibly have a different opinion or SHOCK HORROR, a different experience of parenting than clever old you?

Seriously, get over yourself.

No, there isn't a first wife in my situation, nor do I think you can't express disagreeing opinions.

I was just expressing a thought, just like you were. But that's quite the reaction you got there.

The father doesn't need the mothers agreement to parent his child how he sees fit

There does seem to be a widely held belief on MN that they do.