Should they pay to replace it?

[CamelotPudding]

I'm pretty furious right now.

It was my DD's birthday a couple of days ago. She's only 2. She got a ride on elephant toy thing which she was really excited about when she saw it.

It's specifically designed for young toddlers (up to 36 months) and is only small. There is a seat on it big enough for small children but definitely not designed for older children / adults.

My SS can play a bit roughly sometimes and was trying to joke around and sit in/climb over it when playing with DD. I repeatedly said to him to stop because it wasn't his and was not designed for older children (he's 11) and he would break it.

Anyway lo and behold he's done it again and the side of the seat has broken and now my daughter can't sit in it properly.

I am so pissed off. We don't have loads of spare money. This was £60 and her main present. It's been two fucking days for Godsake.

I've said to DH I think we should tell SS he has to pay to replace it with the money he got at Christmas (he got over £200 from relatives). I repeatedly told him, he is old enough to know better and I am sick of him just getting away with everything (DH is a pushover).

So AIBU? I'm really annoyed.

@MrsSkylerWhite

Very obvious who the first wives are on this thread.

Absolutely.

@SprayedWithDettol

Those saying it’s cruel to make him pay. Isn’t it equally cruel that OP’s daughter now doesn’t have her birthday present to play with after 2 days?

No that doesn't matter obviously. She should just be grateful she has her parents together. That's birthday present enough obvs.

No that doesn't matter obviously. She should just be grateful she has her parents together. That's birthday present enough obvs. so true

The fact that a 11year old is legally accountable if they actually do something that is against the law seems to have escaped people I tried to mention that point earlier, this kid needs to learn to be accountable for their actions pronto

@MooSakah honestly the comments on this thread are mental ! How are people blaming the OP for the toy getting broken.

People wonder how kids go down a bad path in life and it's usually 98% down to parents not doing the right thing.

@MissMaple82

wow, just wow. He's a child, you're an adult. You were responsible for this, not him, you should have taken it away if it was a causing a problem. I actually think it's a disgusting thing to do! You pay it snd be more responsible for the kids in your care in future

And you are the reason your kids will grow up thinking they don't have to take responsibility for things they do wrong

If you would ask your biological child to replace it then yes , if not then no. Kids all break siblings toys if mine had to pay for something they broke of there siblings every time their penny pots would be empty.

I'm always telling my older child and older step children to be careful with our 13 month old baby toys, his sit on trike etc. If they broke the trike I would most certainly expect them to cough up the cash. If they've been told over and over to be careful then he has to learn his actions have consequences.
Maybe make him pay half up front at least then make him do chores to earn the rest.

@JessesMum777888

If you would ask your biological child to replace it then yes , if not then no. Kids all break siblings toys if mine had to pay for something they broke of there siblings every time their penny pots would be empty.

Maybe you should try it. They might not break as many things.

One of mine broke one of his brothers precious toys (not even a toy really, it was a plasma boy my teen son had) so he was made to pay for a new one out of his Christmas money. I think he was younger than 11. But he had been told plenty of times not to touch it, and stay out of his room.

He hasn't broken anything (precious) since!

@sadpapercourtesan Please enlighten us as to how asking an 11 year old to stop doing something because they're going to break something, repeatedly, constitutes shitty parenting? Because absolutely nothing more should be required.

It was the 11 year old's actions that led to a broken toy, not shitty parenting.

If my step daughter and I hate the word step broke something of my sons I’m sure she’d feel bad enough , she’s a sensitive little thing. Taking her money wouldn’t help her feel better , my biological son is a thug and it would teach him . Just wondered if her biological child broke something of her step sons would she have posted on here ?

Id absolutely make one of my children pay in this situation so don't think you are unreasonable at all. He needs to learn their is consequences for his actions and not doing what he is told, he's old enough to know better.

Your dh should pay or have his son pay. But also, why tell him repeatedly? Tell him once. If he does it a second time, remove it.

This wasn’t a good thing that he did. But I doubt it was done with intention.
But when one of mine ds has broken something of the others I would never charge them. Admittedly they are much younger.
But because they are both mine I can’t imagine making one feel resentful.
I would probably opt to punish with chores to earn the money to pay fo a new toy for the other.
I think if you were honest with yourself, if he was your son you wouldn’t take the full amount from him. It’s not his fault his parents split up so your dd isn’t his full sister

@TracyMosby Tell him once. If he does it a second time, remove it.

I don't get this attitude. So OP's daughter doesn't get to play with her new toy because her brother can't behave or control himself?

Since I didn't actually say either of those things, I think it would be a waste of my time to defend them. Straw men don't appeal to me.

What I did say - and I'll repeat it, since you clearly weren't able to retain it the first time you read it - is that in my opinion an 11yo boy isn't old enough to be held solely accountable for breaking something when his parents failed to manage his behaviour enough to prevent it. He should have been told off and banned from touching it after the first time he was silly. That's his father's responsibility, and his father's failure. Taking £60 from an 11yo is disproportionate, in my opinion, and I would not have done it.

@sadpapercourtesan

Since I didn't actually say either of those things, I think it would be a waste of my time to defend them. Straw men don't appeal to me.

What I did say - and I'll repeat it, since you clearly weren't able to retain it the first time you read it - is that in my opinion an 11yo boy isn't old enough to be held solely accountable for breaking something when his parents failed to manage his behaviour enough to prevent it. He should have been told off and banned from touching it after the first time he was silly. That's his father's responsibility, and his father's failure. Taking £60 from an 11yo is disproportionate, in my opinion, and I would not have done it.

So you DO think that an 11 year old isn't capable of taking on board repeated reminders not to do something. Which is ridiculous. His actions are his own fault.

So you DO think that an 11 year old isn't capable of taking on board repeated reminders not to do something. Which is ridiculous. His actions are his own fault.

I think 11yo boys aren't adults, and they commonly haven't mastered impulse control yet, nor do they have a fully adult understanding of the consequences of their actions. They are in the process of learning those things, and I quite agree that part of that process is being given age-appropriate, proportional consequences by their parents when they do something wrong. In my opinion, taking £60 of his Christmas money isn't age-appropriate or proportionate as a consequence for being silly and breaking a toy, particularly as his parents failed as well - his father should have been managing his behaviour, and should have had the authority and the inclination to intervene and stop the silliness before it led to a broken toy. Mine would have been in trouble, certainly, but they wouldn't have been treated the same as an adult, because an 11yo isn't an adult.

It's fine that we disagree - my style of parenting differs from yours, as do my opinions. What's not OK though, is the avalanche of erroneous assumptions about my life and values; golden uterus, first wives, my children must be feral alley cats etc. It's completely unacceptable and has nothing to do with the topic under discussion.