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Original poster

Should they pay to replace it?

280 replies

CamelotPudding · 30/01/2022 11:12

I'm pretty furious right now.

It was my DD's birthday a couple of days ago. She's only 2. She got a ride on elephant toy thing which she was really excited about when she saw it.

It's specifically designed for young toddlers (up to 36 months) and is only small. There is a seat on it big enough for small children but definitely not designed for older children / adults.

My SS can play a bit roughly sometimes and was trying to joke around and sit in/climb over it when playing with DD. I repeatedly said to him to stop because it wasn't his and was not designed for older children (he's 11) and he would break it.

Anyway lo and behold he's done it again and the side of the seat has broken and now my daughter can't sit in it properly.

I am so pissed off. We don't have loads of spare money. This was £60 and her main present. It's been two fucking days for Godsake.

I've said to DH I think we should tell SS he has to pay to replace it with the money he got at Christmas (he got over £200 from relatives). I repeatedly told him, he is old enough to know better and I am sick of him just getting away with everything (DH is a pushover).

So AIBU? I'm really annoyed.

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Toanewstart22 · 30/01/2022 11:36

Furious
so pissed off
very annoyed

Over a broken toy

Bancha · 30/01/2022 11:36

I think it would have been fairest if you had been able to tell him ‘if you break it, you will have to pay for a new one’, so he could make an ‘informed decision’ about breaking it. However, you and your DH don’t seem to be on the same page about consequences so I can see how that hasn’t been possible. I think it would be good for you two to have a conversation about boundaries and consequences so you can be on the same page, so that you can work as a team and back each other up.

Having said all that, I agree with him paying towards replacing the toy, even if he wasn’t explicitly warned he would have to pay. It’s the natural consequence of his behaviour, and an important life lesson. Whilst it may not have been deliberate, he was asked to stop and warned he would break it. So he made a choice to keep going, and ultimately he broke it. In the ‘real world’, he would be responsible for what he did.

MooSakah · 30/01/2022 11:38

@Toanewstart22

*Furious* *so pissed off* *very annoyed*

Over a broken toy

Yes. £60 worth of toy that had been given to someone else and they'd been told repeatedly to not use.

They need to learn.

felulageller · 30/01/2022 11:39

Kids break stuff. You dd will break other kids stuff.

It's part of childhood/ parenting.

You obviously dont like SS. But you chose to marry someone with a DC and that DC will always come first.

This is one of the consequences of your decision.

I don't see your marriage lasting.

hedgehoglurker · 30/01/2022 11:39

Your title asks if "they" should pay for it. Who is "they"? If SS and husband, I think that is fair. SS perhaps £10, with husband £50.

Not fair at all to take £60 of the child's Christmas gifts, but a small consequence seems reasonable. I would be seriously unimpressed with you if I had gifted the child money and you took it from them.

Catrice · 30/01/2022 11:39

Absolutely he needs to pay for it! You told him to stop and told him he would break it but he ignored you completely. I would be livid too!

PrincessNikla · 30/01/2022 11:40

@Toanewstart22

*Furious* *so pissed off* *very annoyed*

Over a broken toy

Yes - a broken toy that belonged to someone else, where he had been asked repeatedly not to play on as it was likely to break

My SS can play a bit roughly sometimes and was trying to joke around and sit in/climb over it when playing with DD. I repeatedly said to him to stop because it wasn't his and was not designed for older children (he's 11) and he would break it.

Anyway lo and behold he's done it again and the side of the seat has broken and now my daughter can't sit in it properly.

Toanewstart22 · 30/01/2022 11:41

Would I be annoyed? Absolutely
I would have removed the toy and said that played with later on.

If broken before I’d had chance to remove, I’d ask him what he thought he should do. I’d suggest 50/50
No I wouldn’t expect the full £60

MissMaple82 · 30/01/2022 11:43

wow, just wow. He's a child, you're an adult. You were responsible for this, not him, you should have taken it away if it was a causing a problem. I actually think it's a disgusting thing to do! You pay it snd be more responsible for the kids in your care in future

aSofaNearYou · 30/01/2022 11:44

@felulageller

Kids break stuff. You dd will break other kids stuff.

It's part of childhood/ parenting.

You obviously dont like SS. But you chose to marry someone with a DC and that DC will always come first.

This is one of the consequences of your decision.

I don't see your marriage lasting.

And replacing the toy is the consequence of DSS's decision.

When a child is told repeatedly to stop doing something because it's going to break, there should be consequences when they carry on and it does. Especially when they are no longer a toddler.

It's incredibly tiresome and makes people look very foolish to say that anyone that would put consequences in place for this "obviously dislike their SS". Would you say that if someone did this with their own child? No, because it's stupid. Lots of (sensible) parents wouldn't just say "ah well, kids break stuff" in these circumstances.

Bobobilly7 · 30/01/2022 11:45

100% should have to pay to replace.

I'd have my own child, or step child do the same.

aSofaNearYou · 30/01/2022 11:45

@MissMaple82

wow, just wow. He's a child, you're an adult. You were responsible for this, not him, you should have taken it away if it was a causing a problem. I actually think it's a disgusting thing to do! You pay it snd be more responsible for the kids in your care in future
Wow, just wow. You have incredibly low standards for 11 year old's.
KurtWilde · 30/01/2022 11:45

My warning would've been 'if you break that you'll be paying for it.' And I'd also have removed him from playing with it tbh, so I'm not sure why that wasn't an option?

I'd ask him to contribute, but certainly wouldn't expect a child to pay fully for a toy that was broken accidentally. It's not like he purposefully broke it.

womaninatightspot · 30/01/2022 11:45

@Fireflygal

If he was your own child what would you do?

Your ss should only pay if you will charge your own child for breakages. It didn't seem to be deliberate so whilst it's so frustrating I don't agree with charging him. If he is contrite, perhaps some punishment such as removing privileges

In this scenario I would take the money off my older child and make them pay for it. I'd then give him the opportunity to earn the money back through jobs. Help wash the car etc. It both teaches them a lesson about being careful and the value of money when you have to earn it yourself.
Toanewstart22 · 30/01/2022 11:46

An adult? 100% replacement

An 11 year old? 50/50

MooSakah · 30/01/2022 11:47

@felulageller

Kids break stuff. You dd will break other kids stuff.

It's part of childhood/ parenting.

You obviously dont like SS. But you chose to marry someone with a DC and that DC will always come first.

This is one of the consequences of your decision.

I don't see your marriage lasting.

And if DD breaks something after being told to be careful and not play with it then I would expect DD to pay for it
feelsobadfeltsogood · 30/01/2022 11:47

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Quotes deleted post

MooSakah · 30/01/2022 11:48

11 is old enough. I had to replace things of my sisters that I broke at that age. Especially if they were fairly new. Only ever happened twice.

Lampshading · 30/01/2022 11:48

Am 11 year old that had been told not to as it would break yet carried on? Yep I'd be annoyed to and expect them to pay towards at least a replacement or repair. What has your DH said?

CatCup · 30/01/2022 11:49

Actions have consequences. He is a family member so treat him as you would any other child. Pay half for sure.

Kitkat151 · 30/01/2022 11:49

@Fireflygal

If he was your own child what would you do?

Your ss should only pay if you will charge your own child for breakages. It didn't seem to be deliberate so whilst it's so frustrating I don't agree with charging him. If he is contrite, perhaps some punishment such as removing privileges

Of course it was deliberate 🙄...l he was asked repeatedly not to do it but he carried on.... take his money OP
SpongebobNoPants · 30/01/2022 11:49

@felulageller that is the most ridiculous comment I’ve seen on this board in a long time.
Here 🥇 take this medal for your insightful post.

MooSakah · 30/01/2022 11:49

It's also important to point out to the 11 year old that it's not going to be easy to teach DD to respect their belongings if they don't respect hers. I've seen with my own step kids they think DC's toys are for them to mess around with but as soon as DC goes near the stuff they get upset.

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/01/2022 11:50

Her main present is broken and she can’t use it. What’s DH’s suggested solution? If he won’t agree to DSS paying then he can sell something of his own to fund a replacement. No reason you or DD should miss out on anything your shared finances would otherwise be paying for because he’s a useless parent.

Kitkat151 · 30/01/2022 11:52

@felulageller

Kids break stuff. You dd will break other kids stuff.

It's part of childhood/ parenting.

You obviously dont like SS. But you chose to marry someone with a DC and that DC will always come first.

This is one of the consequences of your decision.

I don't see your marriage lasting.

You sound batshit