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Original poster

Enemy number 1 because I wouldn't collect sick SC

363 replies

Kikkkkk · 06/01/2022 15:27

I'm just recovering from being really unwell with a horrid virus (not Covid). I'm exhausted and have spent much of this week in bed with headaches, chills, aching and sore and swollen throat. Today is the first day I've felt able to move about a bit better but still knackered. I also have a year old son and stay home part time with him, I work 2 days a week but have been off sick. My son goes to nursery on those two days and has been with my parents for some of the week too (including this week) so I could rest during the day and today finally sort some bits of housework too.

I got a call earlier this afternoon from my step sons mother asking if I would be able to collect him from school as they've called to say he's not feeling well and she's at work. My husband is at work too but can't always have his phone on him so she'd not been able to get hold of him yet.

I said no because I was unwell and she'd have to collect him herself or try DH again. She put the phone down and I assume went to get him herself.

I had a text a couple of hours later basically saying it was disappointing I wouldn't help, she's really stressed with work and can't easily take the time out of the day blah blah.

It's not the first time she's treated me (due to the fact I work part time I assume) like her childcare.

Was I really being unreasonable?! Like sort it out between yourselves ffs, I'm knackered, unwell and I have to go and sort my own son out shortly, I'm usually quite understanding but I feel that crap that frankly I really don't give a shit about her work.

OP posts:
ILoveYou3000 · 06/01/2022 19:42

@Puremule

She has no alternative childcare because she had to leave herself and get the child??? That would scream no alternative childcare to me lol.

Good for you that you can walk out of work, this lady did exactly the same thing because OP would not help.

OP is unwell herself. So unwell she's made alternative arrangements for her own child. Why are people not getting that?
Noshowlomo · 06/01/2022 19:42

Aaaand we’ve found the child’s mother …

@Puremule OP wasn’t even looking after her child as she was ill. My son has gone to his grandparents when I’ve been ill and couldn’t get out of bed. If anyone had asked could I pick up their child the answer would have been no, that would include my nieces and nephews.

Puremule · 06/01/2022 19:43

@Getyourarseofffthequattro

If a little boy lived with me 3.5 days a week, who was PART OF MY FAMILY, part of my everyday life, part of my husband and a sibling of my own child.....emmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm I would absolutely do it. The thing is, I wouldn't see it as a favour though, it would be just like picking up one of the kids...you know the kids that live with you, that belong to your family unit.

That's just me though.

TicTacHoh · 06/01/2022 19:44

Yanbu, what would they have done if you were not around?

ThackeryBinks · 06/01/2022 19:49

My DP's ex is a CF. The amount of stuff I've had to do for teenagers has been intense. If they'd been younger I think she'd have been even worse. OP draw some big boundaries about her expectations and communication with you. This isn't going to get better as time goes on.

ILoveYou3000 · 06/01/2022 19:49

[quote Puremule]@Getyourarseofffthequattro

If a little boy lived with me 3.5 days a week, who was PART OF MY FAMILY, part of my everyday life, part of my husband and a sibling of my own child.....emmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm I would absolutely do it. The thing is, I wouldn't see it as a favour though, it would be just like picking up one of the kids...you know the kids that live with you, that belong to your family unit.

That's just me though.[/quote]
You'd do it even if you were so I'll you were struggling to do basic tasks and had arranged alternative childcare for your own child?

Puremule · 06/01/2022 19:51

@ILoveYou3000, If I could do light housework and leave the house to collect my own child...yes I would.

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 06/01/2022 19:58

[quote Puremule]@Getyourarseofffthequattro

If a little boy lived with me 3.5 days a week, who was PART OF MY FAMILY, part of my everyday life, part of my husband and a sibling of my own child.....emmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm I would absolutely do it. The thing is, I wouldn't see it as a favour though, it would be just like picking up one of the kids...you know the kids that live with you, that belong to your family unit.

That's just me though.[/quote]
Okay. Good for you? Are you a step mum?

KiloWhat · 06/01/2022 20:01

She was in work. It is not easy to drop everything when you are in work...especially in a pandemic

Tough. That's the deal when you have a kid. You might have to change careers or reduce your hours or let your employer down.

Frankola · 06/01/2022 20:04

Nope. That's not something required from you.

Mums typically accuse step mums of being too involved and crossing the line. But are happy to rope it all in when it suits Angry

Intheopinionofourexpert · 06/01/2022 20:05

@Flowerpower23

You’re not unreasonable but I would personally not like the thought of a poorly child sat on their own at school feeling like no one wants to collect them. So for that reason I would go & do my best to look after them. Do you have affection for them at all? I would find it hard to leave them ill at school for longer than needs be if I did.
This. I've taken one of my step children to A & E a couple of times. His mum was at work and my DH wasn't immediately contactable. I don't like his mother, but it was something I did out of love/care for him, not as a favour to her.

I've never gone down the 'the child's already got 2 parents' route. The more people who love and care for the children, the better. I've been paid back a thousand times over by having a rewarding relationship with my now adult DSCs.

Puremule · 06/01/2022 20:10

@Getyourarseofffthequattro yes I am, I don't always eye eye to eye with my husband's ex and we are far from friends but I would do this for my SC in a heartbeat. They live one week here and one week with ex so they are part of my family and my children's sibling.

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 06/01/2022 20:25

[quote Puremule]@Getyourarseofffthequattro yes I am, I don't always eye eye to eye with my husband's ex and we are far from friends but I would do this for my SC in a heartbeat. They live one week here and one week with ex so they are part of my family and my children's sibling.[/quote]
Gold star for you! As a step parent I am sure you know that not all blended families operate in the same way.

Puremule · 06/01/2022 20:30

@Getyourarseofffthequattro but is about a child sick in school, it is just something you would do as part of a blended family. Children come first and sick children even more so. I would do my best to help rather than shirking any kind of responsibility for my child's sibling.

In my world anyway.

debbs77 · 06/01/2022 20:32

Not unreasonable at all. Why on earth should you care for a sick child when you're recovering yourself

KiloWhat · 06/01/2022 20:36

[quote Puremule]@Getyourarseofffthequattro but is about a child sick in school, it is just something you would do as part of a blended family. Children come first and sick children even more so. I would do my best to help rather than shirking any kind of responsibility for my child's sibling.

In my world anyway.[/quote]
They come first to their own parents yes

GreyGoose1980 · 06/01/2022 20:36

Not unreasonable at all OP. It’s the child’s parent’s responsibility to collect him. You can’t care for a sick child whilst unwell yourself.

Puremule · 06/01/2022 20:39

@KiloWhat what a sad, sad attitude, my husband is father to my step child, My two children are siblings to my stepchild and I am stepMOTHER to my stepchild. They are part of my family and always will be so I will do my utmost to do right by them because I love them.

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 06/01/2022 20:42

[quote Puremule]@Getyourarseofffthequattro but is about a child sick in school, it is just something you would do as part of a blended family. Children come first and sick children even more so. I would do my best to help rather than shirking any kind of responsibility for my child's sibling.

In my world anyway.[/quote]
Well clearly not in every blended family. You don't have any responsibility for your child's sibling. Hth.

KiloWhat · 06/01/2022 20:42

[quote Puremule]@KiloWhat what a sad, sad attitude, my husband is father to my step child, My two children are siblings to my stepchild and I am stepMOTHER to my stepchild. They are part of my family and always will be so I will do my utmost to do right by them because I love them.[/quote]
Ok

aSofaNearYou · 06/01/2022 20:45

I haven't read the comments, but you've got to laugh at the entitlement in that text.

funinthesun19 · 06/01/2022 20:46

She has no alternative childcare because she had to leave herself and get the child??? That would scream no alternative childcare to me lol.
That’s not the OP’s problem.

Good for you that you can walk out of work, this lady did exactly the same thing because OP would not help.
No, she did it because she is the child’s mother and she couldn’t get in touch with the child’s father. It’s got fuck all to do with the op.

Puremule · 06/01/2022 20:46

@Getyourarseofffthequattro I am not talking about responsibility, I am talking about doing the right thing for the child that shares your home, not a tit for tat, not my problem, let her do it, not my child, fuck her attitude. None of that helps anyone.

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 06/01/2022 20:49

[quote Puremule]@Getyourarseofffthequattro I am not talking about responsibility, I am talking about doing the right thing for the child that shares your home, not a tit for tat, not my problem, let her do it, not my child, fuck her attitude. None of that helps anyone.[/quote]
You literally said "shirking responsibility"

Your step children are categorically not your responsibility, not legally. If you divorced their father you would have no right to even see them.

Op hasn't said "fuck her" she was ill, she wasn't even looking after her own child.

Why do you think the exs job is more important than the ops health, when it comes to picking up a child whom only one of these women are responsible for?

aSofaNearYou · 06/01/2022 20:50

[quote Puremule]@Getyourarseofffthequattro I am not talking about responsibility, I am talking about doing the right thing for the child that shares your home, not a tit for tat, not my problem, let her do it, not my child, fuck her attitude. None of that helps anyone.[/quote]
It helps OP to not be taken advantage of by people who can't be polite enough to acknowledge that this is not something she has to do so not something she should be told off for not doing. Much like grandparents providing childcare.

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