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Original poster

Enemy number 1 because I wouldn't collect sick SC

363 replies

Kikkkkk · 06/01/2022 15:27

I'm just recovering from being really unwell with a horrid virus (not Covid). I'm exhausted and have spent much of this week in bed with headaches, chills, aching and sore and swollen throat. Today is the first day I've felt able to move about a bit better but still knackered. I also have a year old son and stay home part time with him, I work 2 days a week but have been off sick. My son goes to nursery on those two days and has been with my parents for some of the week too (including this week) so I could rest during the day and today finally sort some bits of housework too.

I got a call earlier this afternoon from my step sons mother asking if I would be able to collect him from school as they've called to say he's not feeling well and she's at work. My husband is at work too but can't always have his phone on him so she'd not been able to get hold of him yet.

I said no because I was unwell and she'd have to collect him herself or try DH again. She put the phone down and I assume went to get him herself.

I had a text a couple of hours later basically saying it was disappointing I wouldn't help, she's really stressed with work and can't easily take the time out of the day blah blah.

It's not the first time she's treated me (due to the fact I work part time I assume) like her childcare.

Was I really being unreasonable?! Like sort it out between yourselves ffs, I'm knackered, unwell and I have to go and sort my own son out shortly, I'm usually quite understanding but I feel that crap that frankly I really don't give a shit about her work.

OP posts:
Puremule · 06/01/2022 21:42

@Getyourarseofffthequattro No she asked the child's stepmother...the person he lives with half the week, not some randomer off the street.

aSofaNearYou · 06/01/2022 21:42

[quote Puremule]@aSofaNearYou no, I was asked a question if I judged the mother.. I don't and those are the reasons why.[/quote]
But you judge the woman with no responsibility who was very ill for not doing it? But not the mother who just didn't want to leave work?

Both would have found it hard. Only one of them had to do it anyway.

ILoveYou3000 · 06/01/2022 21:42

[quote Puremule]@ILoveYou3000, If I could do light housework and leave the house to collect my own child...yes I would.[/quote]
But in doing that housework after being so poorly for days the OP ended up wiped out and back in bed.

It's not as simple as just picking the child up if they're ill. They'll require care, medicine being given, drinks, maybe food, cuddles and keeping an eye on, which when you're feeling as poorly as OP clearly was isn't easy at all.

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 06/01/2022 21:43

[quote Puremule]@Getyourarseofffthequattro No she asked the child's stepmother...the person he lives with half the week, not some randomer off the street.[/quote]
Yes, step mother fits under "not the child's parent"

KiloWhat · 06/01/2022 21:43

[quote Puremule]@Getyourarseofffthequattro because like I originally said, the woman was finding it hard leaving work. Not everyone can get up and leave as soon as they get a phone call. We don't know her circumstances, what her job is, the only thing we know is that she told OP it was difficult. Maybe she is a single mother who needs to keep her job, Maybe she has left numerous times before, maybe she doesn't have an understanding boss, maybe she will get docked for leaving, Things are not always black and white. She asked for help, it was not forthcoming so she had no choice but to leave. So no I would not judge her for that.[/quote]
None of that is about the child. It's about the mother.

Original poster
Kikkkkk · 06/01/2022 21:45

@Mummyoflittledragon

You are very lucky to have your mother around to look after your dc when you’re poorly. No, you weren’t obliged to help. However, sometimes I would to pay forward what you have - your child has 3 adults after all. It sounds as though your dp’s ex doesn’t have the luxury of this help.
You are right. I am lucky. But you are completely wrong about their Mum, her parents help out all of the time and DSS goes there regularly, they often pick him up from school, have him during the holidays etc... I don't know why she didn't ask them today, I guess they must not have been free.

Honestly this is just one time in a long line of times where I feel like she takes the piss and uses me. I was felt too shitty today to put up with it. She's not some poor single mother who has no help. She's a user and a chancer quite frankly and it's always up to someone else, she never feels like she should have to be the one to do anything outside of the norm for their son. I'm thinking I might just tell her I've gone back to work full time tbh.

OP posts:
KiloWhat · 06/01/2022 21:46

You don't have to tell her anything. She is not entitled to anything from you and needs to stop acting like you are there to make her life easier

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 06/01/2022 21:47

@Kikkkkk you don't need to tell her anything. You don't need to justify this. She doesn't even need to be able to contact you! Don't let her treat you like the unpaid help.

Puremule · 06/01/2022 21:47

@KiloWhat I was asked the question about why I would not judge the mother in question, not my husband's ex, I already know her working arrangements and situation etc.. I answered the question, it does not change my stance that my main concern would be the child.

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 06/01/2022 21:49

[quote Puremule]@KiloWhat I was asked the question about why I would not judge the mother in question, not my husband's ex, I already know her working arrangements and situation etc.. I answered the question, it does not change my stance that my main concern would be the child.[/quote]
But your main concern was her job, her boss etc. You didn't mention the child.

KiloWhat · 06/01/2022 21:50

[quote Puremule]@KiloWhat I was asked the question about why I would not judge the mother in question, not my husband's ex, I already know her working arrangements and situation etc.. I answered the question, it does not change my stance that my main concern would be the child.[/quote]
I see, apologies I missed a post somewhere what with all the deleting I think.

I don't judge her harshly for asking. I judge her harshly for her nasty message to OP.

Puremule · 06/01/2022 21:50

I was asked why I would not judge a woman who didn't want to pick up her child. I gave my answer because I wouldn't judge her. I didn't bring it up, I was asked a question.

aSofaNearYou · 06/01/2022 21:51

But your main concern was her job, her boss etc. You didn't mention the child.

Exactly.

Puremule · 06/01/2022 21:52

God I didn't even realise posts were deleted! I understand what you are saying about the nasty message in fairness.

aSofaNearYou · 06/01/2022 21:53

@Puremule

I was asked why I would not judge a woman who didn't want to pick up her child. I gave my answer because I wouldn't judge her. I didn't bring it up, I was asked a question.
You're not getting what several people are saying here.

Whoever did it, the child was getting picked up.

You think the mum had a valid reason not to pick her child up because of her circumstances, but OP did not have a valid reason not to pick up her step child because no circumstances could be a valid reason not to prioritise a child. It's hypocritical.

funinthesun19 · 06/01/2022 21:53

But you are completely wrong about their Mum, her parents help out all of the time and DSS goes there regularly, they often pick him up from school, have him during the holidays etc... I don't know why she didn't ask them today, I guess they must not have been free.

This is what I meant upthread about her own support network. You’re not part of that.

A lot of us are lucky to have a support network. She clearly has help there. Not your problem if they’re not free to help her on this occasion. Would she help you if your parents weren’t available?

Puremule · 06/01/2022 21:56

You're not getting what several people are saying here

Whoever did it, the child was getting picked up

You think the mum had a valid reason not to pick her child up because of her circumstances, but OP did not have a valid reason not to pick up her step child because no circumstances could be a valid reason not to prioritise a child. It's hypocritical

No, if I was able to pick up my own child, I am able to pick up my stepchild. Say if the child had been staying with the Op today? What would happen then?

BurntToastAgain · 06/01/2022 21:57

Fuck… I’m sorry @Kikkkkk. I think your thread might have reached peak SMs can only ever be in the wrong on MN.

You’re not in the wrong. At all.

Don’t tell the SC’s mother anything at all. Just block her and delete her number. And get your husband to inform her that she’s not to contact you any more. If she needs a favour during her time with her child, then she will need to ask him (and accept that he might not be able to answer his phone immediately because he’s working).

funinthesun19 · 06/01/2022 21:57

Whoever did it, the child was getting picked up.

Exactly. And like I said, hardly going to upset the child if his own mother picks him up now is it? He’s not going be sat there thinking “Why didn’t my stepmum pick me up?”
In fact, ironically, if he’s poorly he may want his mum!

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 06/01/2022 22:02

@Puremule

You're not getting what several people are saying here

Whoever did it, the child was getting picked up

You think the mum had a valid reason not to pick her child up because of her circumstances, but OP did not have a valid reason not to pick up her step child because no circumstances could be a valid reason not to prioritise a child. It's hypocritical

No, if I was able to pick up my own child, I am able to pick up my stepchild. Say if the child had been staying with the Op today? What would happen then?

His dad would pick him up? Or his other actual parent? Or maybe dad's parents or siblings etc.
Getyourarseofffthequattro · 06/01/2022 22:02

@Puremule

I was asked why I would not judge a woman who didn't want to pick up her child. I gave my answer because I wouldn't judge her. I didn't bring it up, I was asked a question.
So if you wouldn't judge her, why are you judging op?
aSofaNearYou · 06/01/2022 22:03

No, if I was able to pick up my own child, I am able to pick up my stepchild.

Says who? She had no choice but to pick her own child up (kind of like DSCs mum). She might have taken a turn for the worse. Her child might require less care, likely given that the SC is ill. Their behaviour around OP may differ.

Say if the child had been staying with the Op today? What would happen then?

I don't know what you mean by that. But no children were with OP because she was unwell.

Puremule · 06/01/2022 22:04

@Getyourarseofffthequattro because I think she is being unreasonable.

BurntToastAgain · 06/01/2022 22:05

No, if I was able to pick up my own child, I am able to pick up my stepchild. Say if the child had been staying with the Op today? What would happen then?

That’s a completely different scenario.

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 06/01/2022 22:05

[quote Puremule]@Getyourarseofffthequattro because I think she is being unreasonable.[/quote]
But why?

Work is a good enough excuse to not pick up your own son.

Being ill is not a good enough excuse for picking up a child who is not yours.

Why is that? Can you elaborate?