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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Enemy number 1 because I wouldn't collect sick SC

363 replies

Kikkkkk · 06/01/2022 15:27

I'm just recovering from being really unwell with a horrid virus (not Covid). I'm exhausted and have spent much of this week in bed with headaches, chills, aching and sore and swollen throat. Today is the first day I've felt able to move about a bit better but still knackered. I also have a year old son and stay home part time with him, I work 2 days a week but have been off sick. My son goes to nursery on those two days and has been with my parents for some of the week too (including this week) so I could rest during the day and today finally sort some bits of housework too.

I got a call earlier this afternoon from my step sons mother asking if I would be able to collect him from school as they've called to say he's not feeling well and she's at work. My husband is at work too but can't always have his phone on him so she'd not been able to get hold of him yet.

I said no because I was unwell and she'd have to collect him herself or try DH again. She put the phone down and I assume went to get him herself.

I had a text a couple of hours later basically saying it was disappointing I wouldn't help, she's really stressed with work and can't easily take the time out of the day blah blah.

It's not the first time she's treated me (due to the fact I work part time I assume) like her childcare.

Was I really being unreasonable?! Like sort it out between yourselves ffs, I'm knackered, unwell and I have to go and sort my own son out shortly, I'm usually quite understanding but I feel that crap that frankly I really don't give a shit about her work.

OP posts:
Puremule · 06/01/2022 22:16

I guess what I am trying to say is, I think a step child is part of the family and I think it is unreasonable refuse to pick up a child who lives with you part time and is a brother to your own child, because "it is not biologically yours". I mean to use that an an excuse not to pick a child up when they are sick....

This was the comment I thought was unreasonable.

Like sort it out between yourselves ffs, I'm knackered, unwell and I have to go and sort my own son out shortly, I'm usually quite understanding but I feel that crap that frankly I really don't give a shit about her work.

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 06/01/2022 22:19

@Puremule

I guess what I am trying to say is, I think a step child is part of the family and I think it is unreasonable refuse to pick up a child who lives with you part time and is a brother to your own child, because "it is not biologically yours". I mean to use that an an excuse not to pick a child up when they are sick....

This was the comment I thought was unreasonable.

Like sort it out between yourselves ffs, I'm knackered, unwell and I have to go and sort my own son out shortly, I'm usually quite understanding but I feel that crap that frankly I really don't give a shit about her work.

Right, so work is a good enough excuse, but not being biologically related AND ILL because you've missed that bit out, isn't.

It's not unreasonable for op to prioritise her own child. That is her priority. The step child should be his mother's priority in the same way.

aSofaNearYou · 06/01/2022 22:21

@Puremule

I guess what I am trying to say is, I think a step child is part of the family and I think it is unreasonable refuse to pick up a child who lives with you part time and is a brother to your own child, because "it is not biologically yours". I mean to use that an an excuse not to pick a child up when they are sick....

This was the comment I thought was unreasonable.

Like sort it out between yourselves ffs, I'm knackered, unwell and I have to go and sort my own son out shortly, I'm usually quite understanding but I feel that crap that frankly I really don't give a shit about her work.

But that ignores the question of whether it is unreasonable to not pick up a child when YOU are unwell.

Setting aside the part of it that you don't seem to be able to accept which is that part of your family or not, it's only the parents that actually have to do school pick ups so if they want help, even from family, they need to be polite about it.

LalalalalalaLand123 · 06/01/2022 22:21

This reply has been deleted

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Puremule · 06/01/2022 22:22

A stepchild should be a priority too. They live in both houses with both families. They belong to both.

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 06/01/2022 22:22

BINGO

aSofaNearYou · 06/01/2022 22:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted as it quotes a deleted post

funinthesun19 · 06/01/2022 22:22

No, if I was able to pick up my own child, I am able to pick up my stepchild.

No, you pick up your own child because you don’t get a choice. If you’re ill and they need picking up then you just have to get on with it. Op picked her son up because she’s still got a responsibility towards her son whether she’s ill or not.
That doesn’t mean that just because she can drag herself out to get her own child, she can get her stepchild too.

Say if the child had been staying with the Op today? What would happen then?

Mum would have picked him up and dad collect him later on?

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 06/01/2022 22:22

@Puremule

A stepchild should be a priority too. They live in both houses with both families. They belong to both.
But not to his own mother? Just to his step mother?
aSofaNearYou · 06/01/2022 22:23

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LalalalalalaLand123 · 06/01/2022 22:26

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LalalalalalaLand123 · 06/01/2022 22:27

@Puremule

A stepchild should be a priority too. They live in both houses with both families. They belong to both.
This.
aSofaNearYou · 06/01/2022 22:28

@LalalalalalaLand123

asofanearyou wow you're nasty too. Sad.
For making you question that the person you're insulting so badly your comments get deleted, might actually be really ill at the moment, as outlined in the OP? A question clearly rooted in compassion? Yeah, I'm the sad one.
Hugoslavia · 06/01/2022 22:37

Am amazed by the criticism that you have received OP. You don't have to justify it. It doesn't matter whether you work part time whilst you have a 1 year old son. It doesn't matter if you didn't work at all. The fact that you were extremely unwell, and not well enough to look after your own baby should have been sufficient reason. If she had a partner, would you ring and ask him to pick up your son? The reality is that parents face this problem day in/day out and simply have to prioritize their ill child over work. Many working mums that I know have a network of other mums to help them out in emergencies. Perhaps she should set up her own emergency rota if leaving work is so problematic.

tiredofthisshit21 · 06/01/2022 22:44

Oh for actual fuck's sake. Another stepmum getting an absolute pasting for not being a fucking doormat. What's wrong with people.

OliviaBond · 06/01/2022 23:21

I think being ill, so ill you can't look after your own child trumps being inconvenienced. Yanbu.

RedWingBoots · 06/01/2022 23:39

@Getyourarseofffthequattro

BINGO
I was waiting for the call.

Full house?

notagain2021 · 07/01/2022 03:33

There must be a halo for the insufferable and inarticulate @Puremule

timeisnotaline · 07/01/2022 05:40

@Puremule

I guess what I am trying to say is, I think a step child is part of the family and I think it is unreasonable refuse to pick up a child who lives with you part time and is a brother to your own child, because "it is not biologically yours". I mean to use that an an excuse not to pick a child up when they are sick....

This was the comment I thought was unreasonable.

Like sort it out between yourselves ffs, I'm knackered, unwell and I have to go and sort my own son out shortly, I'm usually quite understanding but I feel that crap that frankly I really don't give a shit about her work.

What’s unreasonable about it? When I’m miserably ill I don’t feel bad about my dhs work if he has to leave work to parent our joint children. Why should i in these circumstances give a shiny shit about this woman’s having to leave work, when it’s her contact time with her child who also happens to be my step child? Where would you draw the line exactly? Should the op also jump up and collect baby to save ex having to leave work and collect her own child on her own contact time if she’d had a baby 3 days ago? Check herself out of hospital post surgery? Return from holiday? Get a taxi if she has a broken arm and can’t drive? What in your mind is an actual good enough reason for her to say no?
KiloWhat · 07/01/2022 05:56

@tiredofthisshit21

Oh for actual fuck's sake. Another stepmum getting an absolute pasting for not being a fucking doormat. What's wrong with people.
It's like people think SMs should be servants to the 1st mum.
BurntToastAgain · 07/01/2022 08:21

NRPs are vilified for changing contact arrangements on the basis that it’s their time and their responsibility to sort. The mother is having her much needed time off. But somehow the same thing doesn’t apply to her.

It’s like the weird inverse of that thread where so many people had a go at the OP because she wasn’t willing to look after the SC during normal contact time while their father was in hospital having an operation. Apparently it was their contact time and she had no right to expect anything of their mother during that time.

But the same doesn’t apply to mothers does it? No. They can just dump the kids on the SM (not even their father) on her time because they’re not convenient for work. And the SM is supposed to feel guilty about the poor waif feeling poorly at school and crying because his stepmother hasn’t rushed to his side immediately. Even though she’s ill and not looking after her child.

Interrobanger · 07/01/2022 08:58

@tiredofthisshit21

Oh for actual fuck's sake. Another stepmum getting an absolute pasting for not being a fucking doormat. What's wrong with people.
Exactly. Fine for mum and dad to swerve their responsibilities and try to palm it off on someone else, but if step mum’s I’ll and can’t pick up their slack, she’s a massive bitch!!
jfhguseorjgijaerigjarfgj · 07/01/2022 09:19

I would have picked up the child. I would have done it out of concern for DSS, but also things are easier if co-parents help each other out?

Do you not need favours from the mum sometimes? If me or DP do things like this, we usually need the favour returned at some point - eg, on odd occasion if DP has a meeting in school pick up time on one of our days and I'm at work, DSC mum will do pick up and have them until DP can get there.

I probably would also do this for a friend if I possibly could - when I was a single parent a colleague once picked up DS from nursery when he was ill and I was at a hospital appointment in another city.

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 07/01/2022 09:26

@jfhguseorjgijaerigjarfgj

I would have picked up the child. I would have done it out of concern for DSS, but also things are easier if co-parents help each other out?

Do you not need favours from the mum sometimes? If me or DP do things like this, we usually need the favour returned at some point - eg, on odd occasion if DP has a meeting in school pick up time on one of our days and I'm at work, DSC mum will do pick up and have them until DP can get there.

I probably would also do this for a friend if I possibly could - when I was a single parent a colleague once picked up DS from nursery when he was ill and I was at a hospital appointment in another city.

Again, you're ignoring the fact she was Ill.

And when is op ever going to need a favour from the ex wife? And do you think its realistic the ex wife would ever help op out? I don't.

Op isn't a co parent. Her husband is.

BurntToastAgain · 07/01/2022 09:27

@jfhguseorjgijaerigjarfgj the OP is not a co-parent. The father and the mother are.

Why is ok for neither of them to need to care about picking their son up?

The child’s father might need favours from his ex sometimes. But the Op does not. She would never be asking her husbands ex to look after her child, would she?

Stepmothers are not merely extensions of the child’s father. Nor do they take on his responsibilities when they marry him.

Every time is see some version of ‘you are a family’ on a stepparenting thread I just despair. It always seems to involve imposing nuclear family norms and roles on a very much non-nuclear family, and the SM somehow stops being a person with feelings and rights and is merely a PA/nanny/housekeeper to the SC’s parents.