Enemy number 1 because I wouldn't collect sick SC

[Kikkkkk]

I'm just recovering from being really unwell with a horrid virus (not Covid). I'm exhausted and have spent much of this week in bed with headaches, chills, aching and sore and swollen throat. Today is the first day I've felt able to move about a bit better but still knackered. I also have a year old son and stay home part time with him, I work 2 days a week but have been off sick. My son goes to nursery on those two days and has been with my parents for some of the week too (including this week) so I could rest during the day and today finally sort some bits of housework too.

I got a call earlier this afternoon from my step sons mother asking if I would be able to collect him from school as they've called to say he's not feeling well and she's at work. My husband is at work too but can't always have his phone on him so she'd not been able to get hold of him yet.

I said no because I was unwell and she'd have to collect him herself or try DH again. She put the phone down and I assume went to get him herself.

I had a text a couple of hours later basically saying it was disappointing I wouldn't help, she's really stressed with work and can't easily take the time out of the day blah blah.

It's not the first time she's treated me (due to the fact I work part time I assume) like her childcare.

Was I really being unreasonable?! Like sort it out between yourselves ffs, I'm knackered, unwell and I have to go and sort my own son out shortly, I'm usually quite understanding but I feel that crap that frankly I really don't give a shit about her work.

@Getyourarseofffthequattro it's not about you either or the way your particular blended family works or doesn't work or the fact they you feel you are not responsible for your stepchild but you told us anyway. It's called making a point.

Only on the step parenting board..

[quote Puremule]@Getyourarseofffthequattro it's not about you either or the way your particular blended family works or doesn't work or the fact they you feel you are not responsible for your stepchild but you told us anyway. It's called making a point.[/quote]
So what you're saying is, its about what you think, and what you think is right, and everyone else is wrong?

Do you really truly believe that?

Legally, step children are not your responsibility unless you adopt them. That's a fact. Doesn't mean you can't shove your way in and try and get involved, of course. But for some of us, two parents is perfectly sufficient.

As I said, every family is different. Your way may be right for you, might be awful for someone else.

@Puremule why are you so invested/desperate to make OP feel like she was in the wrong? You have said it once but have then repeated a few times and yes I know its he Internet and you have a right but it almost feels personal to you?

So what you're saying is, its about what you think, and what you think is right, and everyone else is wrong?

Do you really truly believe that?

*Legally, step children are not your responsibility unless you adopt them. That's a fact. Doesn't mean you can't shove your way in and try and get involved, of course. But for some of us, two parents is perfectly sufficient.

As I said, every family is different. Your way may be right for you, might be awful for someone else*

No that is not what I am saying, I am honestly trying to explain why I think OP us being unreasonable. I understand all blended families are different but in my opinion, this was a low move. Again, in my opinion it is about the child and less about the ex when a child is sick. That is my opinion of the situation and that is ok.

@Puremule

So what you're saying is, its about what you think, and what you think is right, and everyone else is wrong?

Do you really truly believe that?

*Legally, step children are not your responsibility unless you adopt them. That's a fact. Doesn't mean you can't shove your way in and try and get involved, of course. But for some of us, two parents is perfectly sufficient.

As I said, every family is different. Your way may be right for you, might be awful for someone else*

No that is not what I am saying, I am honestly trying to explain why I think OP us being unreasonable. I understand all blended families are different but in my opinion, this was a low move. Again, in my opinion it is about the child and less about the ex when a child is sick. That is my opinion of the situation and that is ok.

So if it's about the child, right, and the child has to be put first, why are you not judging mum for wanting to stay at work rather than picking him up? Because that's categorically not putting him first is it?

[quote Mogul]@Puremule why are you so invested/desperate to make OP feel like she was in the wrong? You have said it once but have then repeated a few times and yes I know its he Internet and you have a right but it almost feels personal to you?[/quote]
I am not talking to OP for the past few pages, I am having a debate with @Getyourarseofffthequattro who is hellbent on telling me my opinion is wrong as I think hers is.

Oh my. Well didn’t this thread descend quickly. Shame.

@Puremule that's where you're mistaken. I don't think your opinion is wrong, I think it's your opinion and not fact. If it works for you, fab. It won't work for everyone. That's all I'm saying.

What you're saying is not fact. It's your opinion.

Oh my. Well didn’t this thread descend quickly. Shame.

No need for it.

@Getyourarseofffthequattro because like I originally said, the woman was finding it hard leaving work. Not everyone can get up and leave as soon as they get a phone call. We don't know her circumstances, what her job is, the only thing we know is that she told OP it was difficult. Maybe she is a single mother who needs to keep her job, Maybe she has left numerous times before, maybe she doesn't have an understanding boss, maybe she will get docked for leaving, Things are not always black and white. She asked for help, it was not forthcoming so she had no choice but to leave. So no I would not judge her for that.

[quote Puremule]@Getyourarseofffthequattro because like I originally said, the woman was finding it hard leaving work. Not everyone can get up and leave as soon as they get a phone call. We don't know her circumstances, what her job is, the only thing we know is that she told OP it was difficult. Maybe she is a single mother who needs to keep her job, Maybe she has left numerous times before, maybe she doesn't have an understanding boss, maybe she will get docked for leaving, Things are not always black and white. She asked for help, it was not forthcoming so she had no choice but to leave. So no I would not judge her for that.[/quote]
I was very curious to see your answer to that, and as I suspected, you've totally contradicted your previous assertion that it was about the child. From what you've said here, it was clearly about the mother. It was difficult for her to get out of work, but she could and did do it, like she was always going to, so it did not affect the child at all. It affected her.

[quote Puremule]@Getyourarseofffthequattro because like I originally said, the woman was finding it hard leaving work. Not everyone can get up and leave as soon as they get a phone call. We don't know her circumstances, what her job is, the only thing we know is that she told OP it was difficult. Maybe she is a single mother who needs to keep her job, Maybe she has left numerous times before, maybe she doesn't have an understanding boss, maybe she will get docked for leaving, Things are not always black and white. She asked for help, it was not forthcoming so she had no choice but to leave. So no I would not judge her for that.[/quote]
Right, so what you're saying is the child only comes first when it suits. Got it.

I'm not judging her either, she had to do what she had to do. Same as I would have to do, same as most mothers.

But she asked someone who is not the child's parent, and when they said no sorry I am ill, she was very rude. Is that okay with you?

[quote Getyourarseofffthequattro]@Puremule that's where you're mistaken. I don't think your opinion is wrong, I think it's your opinion and not fact. If it works for you, fab. It won't work for everyone. That's all I'm saying.

What you're saying is not fact. It's your opinion.[/quote]
But it is my fact @Getyourarseofffthequattro, not yours, not Op's but mine. It is a fact that I would have taken a different approach, it is not my opinion I would have. The reason I stated that fact was to explain my reasoniung behind why I think OP is being unreasonable. People do it here all the time. All your have is your own reality, your own experience and that is where your opinion is based.

You are very lucky to have your mother around to look after your dc when you’re poorly. No, you weren’t obliged to help. However, sometimes I would to pay forward what you have - your child has 3 adults after all. It sounds as though your dp’s ex doesn’t have the luxury of this help.

But it is my fact @Getyourarseofffthequattro, not yours, not Op's but mine. It is a fact that I would have taken a different approach, it is not my opinion I would have. The reason I stated that fact was to explain my reasoniung behind why I think OP is being unreasonable. People do it here all the time. All your have is your own reality, your own experience and that is where your opinion is based

Okay, so it's what you would do. We know. You've said. About a million times.

What are you hoping to achieve by telling op what you would do? She is not you.

@aSofaNearYou no, I was asked a question if I judged the mother.. I don't and those are the reasons why.

@Mummyoflittledragon

You are very lucky to have your mother around to look after your dc when you’re poorly. No, you weren’t obliged to help. However, sometimes I would to pay forward what you have - your child has 3 adults after all. It sounds as though your dp’s ex doesn’t have the luxury of this help.

Yes and she is likely to lose the grace of favours by being rude. Such is life.

@Mummyoflittledragon

You are very lucky to have your mother around to look after your dc when you’re poorly. No, you weren’t obliged to help. However, sometimes I would to pay forward what you have - your child has 3 adults after all. It sounds as though your dp’s ex doesn’t have the luxury of this help.

She literally doesn't have her child half the week. That's quite a bit of support I would say.