[quote candlelightsatdawn]@TheRigatonini the mum and step mum in me, wants to give you a hug 💐
I also want to say this as gently as I can because I'm not trying to be a twat. No one can make anyone do something they aren't comfortable doing on some level.
Your SM maybe the devil (I don't know) but your dad made a choice and continued to make that choice and damage you and your siblings. Men often get a free pass with bad behaviour, standards are higher for mums than dads and unless she held a gun to his head. He had options. Not great options I'm sure but options.
Some men fail to reach that bar, your SM maybe a issue, but the bigger elephant in the room is your dad. He's had a choice, he's always had a choice and if you can try to see it passed the haze of villain and good guy and see it for shades of grey it probably is. [/quote]
Hi, I’m kind of curious about this post. Just spotted it.
I haven’t said that anyone is damaged or that anyone is a villain or a good guy.
My post wasn’t really about soliciting opinions or advice or ‘concern’ 
on my own family (but thanks...) – it was just one example (of several drawn from my own experience, some of which include friends who are SMs) to illustrate the truth that not everyone is coming from the same place as the OP or others on this thread.
As it happens in my DF’s case (since you’re interested) we arrange meet-ups without his GF there, because sometimes we want to spend time together and catch up by ourselves, and for reasons that are unclear she doesn’t like that (we do also do stuff together too – go for meals or days out with them as a couple etc). Because she makes it into such a point of contention, he often just doesn’t tell her. It’s a weird one – why should she mind if we spend time together separately, just as she does with her own (also adult) kids. But there you go. Just one example for illustrative purposes.
The point wasn’t really about how my own DF responds though, but – in response to the OP’s question – pointing out that the fact is that some people really are very territorial over partners and resentful or jealous of existing relationships – including (and perhaps especially) with family from earlier relationships. Perhaps it represents that person‘s earlier life with another partner. @Veeveeoxox suggested above that for some people that drive to corral emotional and material resources is a ‘primal’ thing. Some people, as in many areas of life, are just selfish and self-serving. It happens often enough in any case. Although as I said in my two earlier posts on this thread, that doesn’t mean it’s representative of all (or even most) step parents (in the example I’ve given it’s not really a step parent exactly but you get my drift).
For people like the OP and others in this thread it must be very frustrating to be lumped in with the people who do fit (and create) the stereotype. Especially as, let’s face it, those people are less likely to to be the ones asking for advice on MN.