DH upset I left DSC off thank you cards

[KiloWhat]

I did christmas thank you cards from toddler DC and posted them all off to the relatives and now DH is upset that I didn't write the DSC's names on the card. They are both old enough to sort their own thank yous if they wanted to.

I just didn't think to do them from them, just an activity for toddler to do on a cold wet day! Is that odd?

I don't really know why I'm posting. I guess I'm a bit fed up of doing a nice thing with DC and then it becoming a 'big deal' because I've not included DSC.

Basically he's too lazy to try and organise it himself I reckon!

If they're from you, and they are because your toddler can't write and doesn't know what a thank you card is, then you do them from everyone. I even used to include pets in mine!

However, if you're thanking someone who ONLY bought for your toddler, then it's fine if you only sign their name.

Rule of thumb, if you're signing yours and husband's name too then don't leave other children who live in the household out. It is excluding them and it does make make you look bad to the recipient.

Rule of thumb, if you're signing yours and husband's name too then don't leave other children who live in the household out. It is excluding them and it does make make you look bad to the recipient. yes if course. If I was signing it from the whole family I would have thought to include them. They are my family.

I must have missed that post

There is an option to see all posts just by the OP. Its useful. The issue is referred to in many of her posts but the post " KiloWhat Wed 05-Jan-22 20:17:32" sums it up quite well. She can't even cook a meal if its something the SDC like unless they are there to have it as well.

Its ridiculous. Their DF needs to sort out his own issues with his DC and his ex and not carp at the OP when she doesn't presume to do their own parents' jobs.

As the OP says - this is the step parenting board, not AIBU.

@KiloWhat

Just that it would have been good for all cards to be sent in the same envelope? That seems incredibly petty to me. The recipient isn't going to care if its in one envelope or three. They might even prefer 3 if they don't get much post. I doubt they are reading into it.

You would then be expected to line up at the post office to get the envelope weighted rather than send 2 or 3 separate envelopes with stamps you can easily buy from a newsagent/supermarket in bulk.

More wife work.....

@GrapeVineTwine

But that's what your DH is concerned about.

The fact that you didn't think of them......

Why is that concerning? There are lots of times I don't think about my SC.

Maybe because you've just demonstrated that you view your step children as being outside your family bubble by sending cards that exclude them to his relatives?

@C8H10N4O2

I must have missed that post

There is an option to see all posts just by the OP. Its useful. The issue is referred to in many of her posts but the post " KiloWhat Wed 05-Jan-22 20:17:32" sums it up quite well. She can't even cook a meal if its something the SDC like unless they are there to have it as well.

Its ridiculous. Their DF needs to sort out his own issues with his DC and his ex and not carp at the OP when she doesn't presume to do their own parents' jobs.

As the OP says - this is the step parenting board, not AIBU.

Oh no that was an example to someone who insisted they think of their DSC in every little thing. I was asking if that included things like what they eat when they aren't there as I struggled to believe they think of their DSC at all times.

@C8H10N4O2

I must have missed that post

There is an option to see all posts just by the OP. Its useful. The issue is referred to in many of her posts but the post " KiloWhat Wed 05-Jan-22 20:17:32" sums it up quite well. She can't even cook a meal if its something the SDC like unless they are there to have it as well.

Its ridiculous. Their DF needs to sort out his own issues with his DC and his ex and not carp at the OP when she doesn't presume to do their own parents' jobs.

As the OP says - this is the step parenting board, not AIBU.

I used that function and couldn't see anything

@KiloWhat

Rule of thumb, if you're signing yours and husband's name too then don't leave other children who live in the household out. It is excluding them and it does make make you look bad to the recipient. yes if course. If I was signing it from the whole family I would have thought to include them. They are my family.

So were you just writing to those who gifted to your toddler only, not the step kids too?

In this case, it would be weird to put the step kid's names and could even look like you're having a dig at the person because they bought for your toddler but left your step kids out, like you're telling them off for excluding them.

Oh no that was an example to someone who insisted they think of their DSC in every little thing. I was asking if that included things like what they eat when they aren't there as I struggled to believe they think of their DSC at all times

Ah sorry - I thought you were talking about your DH there, my mistake.

Maybe because you've just demonstrated that you view your step children as being outside your family bubble by sending cards that exclude them to his relatives? I don't have a "family bubble".

They are my family. They occupy a space somewhere between a neice/nephew and my own child in my brain if I had to describe it.

@C8H10N4O2

Oh no that was an example to someone who insisted they think of their DSC in every little thing. I was asking if that included things like what they eat when they aren't there as I struggled to believe they think of their DSC at all times

Ah sorry - I thought you were talking about your DH there, my mistake.

No worries I did go off on one a bit last night!

@KiloWhat

Maybe because you've just demonstrated that you view your step children as being outside your family bubble by sending cards that exclude them to his relatives? I don't have a "family bubble".

They are my family. They occupy a space somewhere between a neice/nephew and my own child in my brain if I had to describe it.

Of course they are, but they weren't included when perhaps they should have been.

Toddlers and older kids have different needs so of course your step kids won't be included in all the things you do with your little one. However, here they easily could have been included by writing their names in the letters to their relatives and so should have been. I assume you wrote husband's name too and didn't wait for him to come home and put his own signature before posting.

I assume you wrote husband's name too and didn't wait for him to come home and put his own signature before posting. you thought wrong.

They just had my child's scribble in them. No one else's name.

Do you never sign a card with yours and yr partners name ?

@wizzywig

Do you never sign a card with yours and yr partners name ?

That's not what op has described and if you read the thread you would see that.

She did a craft thank you card with her toddler on a rainy day to thank someone for a gift they had sent to DC.

The uproar is over not signing that handmade card with also the SC names on it.

This wasn't a family card. Let's not pretend...

I can see you've got your head screwed on right so I don't need to tell you you should ignore all the ridiculous comments telling you to indulge your DHs manipulative "sadness" over this. I totally sympathise with the toll this will be having on your life!

Did you ever answer the question of how old the step kids are? I think you deliberately haven't as they are young and you KNOW you were being arsey not putting together name on the card . Poor kid

She has already said they are teens @mrsrat - does she have to be that specific?

@mrsrat

Did you ever answer the question of how old the step kids are? I think you deliberately haven't as they are young and you KNOW you were being arsey not putting together name on the card . Poor kid

I think they are end of primary school and older. OP made reference to primary school and teenagers

@mrsrat

Did you ever answer the question of how old the step kids are? I think you deliberately haven't as they are young and you KNOW you were being arsey not putting together name on the card . Poor kid

She said one was primary and one wasn't.

I really think non step parents who think they "KNOW" how we all must be feeling when we do things are really delusional about our thoughts and feelings. In OPs shoes, I would not KNOW I was being arsey at all, I simply wouldn't have thought to include the SC in all activities I do with my DC, I am primarily a mum and I do tons of things with just my DD, that is the bulk of my life. The SC are simply not as central to my life or thoughts, whether that be positive or negative thoughts had to spite them, as people not in the situation seem to think they will be.

@mrsrat

Did you ever answer the question of how old the step kids are? I think you deliberately haven't as they are young and you KNOW you were being arsey not putting together name on the card . Poor kid

They are a teen and a nearly teen

I was not being arsey

The kids are fine

That's right last year of primary

@tiredofthisshit21

She has already said they are teens *@mrsrat* - does she have to be that specific?

Aparantly so!

So your toddler made a thank you card on a rainy day and the card they made was signed just from them. Surely that’s just a normal thing to do?

Has it now got to a point where dc can’t make something for their family members and sign it as just theirs? Even if it was a shop bought card, an individual card where your toddler has scribbled in it is something they have made themselves and can be treasured as something from just them.

Dsc can do their own individual ones surely? Relatives will love it just like they will love the one from dc. Get their dad on it.

Or don’t get their dad on it. If he’s that bothered then I’m sure he will make the effort… possibly.