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Step-parenting

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Original poster

I don't want them to come tomorrow now?!

84 replies

Poooooo2 · 24/12/2021 17:51

But I don't know who is being unreasonable??

My step son is due here tomorrow morning to spend Christmas day with us which he hasn't done in many years. My husband is really excited.

But now his Mum has messaged to say she has tested positive on a LFT for Covid after feeling unwell.

Step son feels fine but she won't force him to do a test as he hates them and doesn't have symptoms so she doesn't think he should need to.

My husband is all for him still coming and he actually rang DH upset last night because he still wanted to come. I am really not keen now but don't know what to do. We have young DC ourselves. I'm torn between thinking if it were one of my DC I of course would still want to see them and thinking but I need to do what's best for my DC as well which is protecting them from potentially getting Covid over the holidays.

I also don't think there is any way my husband would refuse DSS even if I said I didn't want him to stay.

OP posts:
NorthSouthcatlady · 24/12/2021 18:26

I would say he can come if he’s negative, so he needs to have a lateral flow test. I don’t think anyone likes lateral flow tests or PCR’s, it’s just one of those things

Original poster
Poooooo2 · 24/12/2021 18:27

Surely your children would love to spend Christmas with their brother?

Oh I don't doubt that they would. Honestly I'm torn. I know I'm being unreasonable in one sense but at the same time just don't want my DC getting ill.

OP posts:
Original poster
Poooooo2 · 24/12/2021 18:28

@NorthSouthcatlady

I would say he can come if he’s negative, so he needs to have a lateral flow test. I don’t think anyone likes lateral flow tests or PCR’s, it’s just one of those things
She will not test him. There's no way she'll agree. We'd have to do it here and then it's redundant because he's already here and we can't just send him off again if he's positive, it would be cruel.
OP posts:
NorthSouthcatlady · 24/12/2021 18:37

I would put the ball in her court then. Is she always such a knob?

IHateCoronavirus · 24/12/2021 18:38

I think she’s doing it because she wants him home with her.

R0tational · 24/12/2021 18:45

My kids have missed out on a week of Christmas with their dad as one Child has covid. Sad but necessary.

What has pissed me off a little is thsat he wont have DD tomorrow even though DS is day 8 of isolatiin with clear LFTs now (not England though).

KylieKoKo · 24/12/2021 18:52

@IHateCoronavirus

I think she’s doing it because she wants him home with her.
I think this too.
Hotyogahotchoc · 24/12/2021 18:52

I would feel the same as you OP

Likely get will get it / have it do best he stays where he is

Can you suggest you do Christmas again in a week or two ie all get together do dinner and open gifts??

Doyoumind · 24/12/2021 18:56

Sorry to be suspicious but does she have form for this kind of thing? I would let him come. Don't let him down. It won't be forgotten.

newtolineofduty · 24/12/2021 19:01

I would be saying no for sure OP X YADNBU x

LethargicActress · 24/12/2021 19:02

It doesn’t really matter if you’re torn. As you’ve said your husband won’t refuse his ds, and he’s right not to, what else can you do but accept it?

The alternative is to start an argument on Christmas Eve, which is likely to be more damaging and leave worse memories of this Christmas than a possibility of covid would.

chopc · 24/12/2021 19:06

DH can take a LFT with him and do it in the car after collecting him but before driving to yours? If negative you would be cruel not to let him come as planned

MeridianB · 24/12/2021 19:08

This is really tricky. His mother is wrong to deny an LFT for him. I’m sure she’d expect one if you were sending him back to her from a covid-positive home?

How long is he due to stay with you?

CorrBlimeyGG · 24/12/2021 19:08

My children live with me and their Dad so it's not the same situation. They'd be here obviously. Because it's their only home.

It is the same. You want to ban your stepchild from your home, but you wouldn't expect your own child to stay away from everyone else.

Fearnecuptea · 24/12/2021 19:15

Feel abit sorry for your stepson reading this. He's only 9 and imagine he would have been so excited for tomorrow.
I'd do as pp have suggested and still let him round but keep house ventilated.

WonderfulYou · 24/12/2021 19:20

I understand your worry but I would still let him come around and I’m usually a stickler for the rules.

I would let your parents know the situation though so they can make up their minds about whether to still come or not.

WonderfulYou · 24/12/2021 19:21

You could even pick him up midday instead of the morning and drop him home in the afternoon so he has less contact with everyone.

Indoctro · 24/12/2021 19:23

I would allow him to come

Cici22 · 24/12/2021 19:23

If he's a kid, he should be self isolating right as he's not vaccinated. Anyway he'll probably test positive in a few days then you'll get. Going through it myself now, after seeing people last weekend in work. Now half of us have it. Honestly not worth the risk

Original poster
Poooooo2 · 24/12/2021 19:25

@chopc

DH can take a LFT with him and do it in the car after collecting him but before driving to yours? If negative you would be cruel not to let him come as planned
I would happily have him here if it was negative. The trouble is we don't know because she won't test him.

He could do one in the car but what do we do if it's positive? Sorry DSS we'll have to take you back to your mum's now? That seems worse.

OP posts:
Original poster
Poooooo2 · 24/12/2021 19:28

@CorrBlimeyGG

My children live with me and their Dad so it's not the same situation. They'd be here obviously. Because it's their only home.

It is the same. You want to ban your stepchild from your home, but you wouldn't expect your own child to stay away from everyone else.

I don't want to ban him. I think you're using very strong language to paint this as something awful. I'm really not a horrible step mum trying to ban him from his home. I'm just posting about something I'm unsure about, I've said already I'm probably unreasonable and am torn because I understand it from DHs POV. I'm trying to balance that with trying to look after my own DC who I don't want to get ill. It's hard to know what to do for the best.

And no it's not actually the same is it, it literally isn't the same, in that DSS has two homes, my children don't, they literally could not go or stay anywhere else other than here like DSS could.

OP posts:
SpiderFluff · 24/12/2021 19:29

He either does a test or stays where he is. It's a compromise people up and down the country are taking tomorrow. Negative test or don't go. He's not an exception to carrying the virus.

itsgettingwierd · 24/12/2021 19:29

@Poooooo2

And tbh if you haven't all tested yourselves you have no idea that you aren't an asymptomatic carrier right now

We have all done LFTs as my parents are supposed to be coming

In that case as you've all done LFT because your parents are visiting his dad needs to insist he does one at yours on this basis.
SpiderFluff · 24/12/2021 19:30

The compromise is the test. If they won't do one he can't come.

WonderfulYou · 24/12/2021 19:32

He either does a test or stays where he is.

The mum doesn’t want to test him as she probably wants to spend Xmas day with him. Which isn’t fair on him, DH or his step siblings.

If she’s refusing to test him then I would assume it’s because she’s not positive herself so I actually wouldn’t worry about it.

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