I was curious to what constitutes "evil ex-wife" behaviour. You mentioned you're also an ex-wife/partner so perhaps there's another step mother ranting about your reprehensible behaviour somewhere on social media. It's very subjective isn't it?
Ah. See. You want to sit in judgement and tell me that my behaviour is equivalent to hers. It’s not. My ex and I are perfectly able to coparent amicably and neutrally. I do not go about stopping contact because I want more money (for example). Apparently £700 a month is not enough for the woman who doesn’t want to get a job ever (and who had just that moment reached a threshold where universal credit said that actually, no, she should use the over £100k she got in her divorce to live off rather than having the tax payer pay for her. And actually she should get a fucking job.
Or how she’s fucked up her children by playing favourites and creating a golden child/black sheep dynamic. SS clearly has some attachment issues as a result because he doesn’t trust that his own parents love him and will just be there for him.
Or how she has screamed abuse at me in the street for no reason other than she wanted to put on a show for her ex neighbours in which she pretended that I was having an affair with her husband and trying to steal her home and children. I wasn’t. The split up because she had an affair. And I had my own - much nicer and more valuable - house than the one she had moved out of (and she had to move out because otherwise she’d have purposefully obstructed the sale for years and years - she’d pretty much destroyed the house as it was. It looked like one of those flats you seen in child poverty documentaries with half the wallpaper ripped off, holes in the wall and scribbles all over the place).
And many, many more things. Physically attacking her ex in the street. Purposefully exposing her DC to covid so that their father wouldn’t see them over Christmas last year (it was definitely not an accident that she took them to visit someone she knew had covid on the 23rd, despite the restrictions). Buying her children shoes that just don’t fit. It’s not lack of money. They have many pairs of shoes each. It’s that she doesn’t care that her children can’t walk properly so long as she gets to buy loads of cheap tat. This is consistent. New shoes from primark all the time that are too big for them. SS needs supportive shoes because he’s got orthopaedic issues. But she buys him many pairs of cheap shoes that offer insufficient support and are too big rather than one pair of shoes he’d be able to walk in without falling over.
What all the parents mentioned on here so far do have that my father lacked is fierce loyalty to their children. This loyalty may make life difficult for step mothers who view this as preferential treatment born out of guilt, but it's no different to how you feel about your own kids really. Plus he is supposed to put his kids first, that's what non sociopathic parents do. Why on earth would you want a man who places you above his children, that's a massive red flag that you're dealing with a narcissist?
Firstly your assumption is wrong there. Many if the fathers described on this board are not fiercely protective of their children. They’re not putting them first. That would involve being consistent and setting clear, reasonable boundaries that help those children to feel safe and loved. They are doing the opposite of that, and then blaming the stepmum for not enjoying the predictable results.
Tbh, my husband would never put his children first. Or me. He always puts himself first. Every time. He wants to appear the great father who sees loads of his children, but resents the fact he can’t just dump them with me and do what he likes. He doesn’t think about their needs; he chooses the path that is easiest for him. This has become hugely apparent over the years.
Secondly, it should not be a case that the children are always the top priority and always come first. That kind of thinking drives the failure of many stepfamilies. Everyone in the family has to be important. And the relationship does need to be prioritised in various ways. Of course the children’s needs should be met - and that should be a priority for everyone. But their wants and whims should not be the top priority at all times. Over the basic needs of the rest of the household. All too often it is. You see this in the problems related on here all the time.