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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Why hasn't she even saved my phone no.?

126 replies

Maximum71 · 04/12/2021 20:39

I had to call the DSS's mum the other day. Her partner answered. He had no idea who was calling ... she hadn't saved my number in her phone. I have sent her messages in the past (once or twice) that we had taken the youngest child's phone off him as punishment- so she would be best to call me or DP if she wanted to speak to him and we would give him our phone to use. She never even responded. I have been their full time SM for almost 2 years now. She was given my number immediately. They had been split up 4 years before I came on the scene. I just think it's weird. I would definitely want to be in contact with the person doing all 'mum' things for my kids. She calls the kids quite frequently but the youngest can hardly be bothered to talk to her recently. Am I being too judgy judgy?

OP posts:
fedup078 · 04/12/2021 20:41

I am so so so bad for saving numbers and it's just a lazy thing on my part and never anything personal

NumberTrain · 04/12/2021 20:45

Yup.
I rarely save numbers. I can tell who it is through the context in WhatsApp, I rarely phone anyone.

Cas112 · 04/12/2021 20:46

I literally don't have anyone's number saved apart from my best friend and boyfriend

fedup078 · 04/12/2021 20:48

You then get caught out when someone rings you and you answer it obviously not knowing who it is. My SIL was like 'well f*ck you too!' 😂

Numbertime · 04/12/2021 20:56

Why are doing the ‘mum’ things (whatever they are)?

SickAndTiredAgain · 04/12/2021 20:56

Well, I don’t understand it because I’d assume she’d want to know if it was you ringing. I always save numbers.

But it’s not like she can’t contact you, she can presumably search her phone for your message and just reply to that if she had to.

Numbertime · 04/12/2021 20:57

Also she might have saved your number but why would her partner necessarily know who you are? My partner wouldn’t know my ex’s girlfriend’s name.

RioEve · 04/12/2021 21:03

I never save numbers, I just sort of remember the numbers by the end 3 and l one who it is/a roll through recent calls. I don’t have my kids dad number saved, but I know his number when he calls it’s not really an issue

theriverrunsthrough · 04/12/2021 21:05

@Maximum71 this is the second post you have done about your step children mother. In the other one you was moaning because she allowed her 12 year old to drink Coke and let them have Macdonalds for tea.

You have not got parental responsibility for those kids - your DH does. Its between you and him if you are doing all the 'mum' things. You are not her go to, the kids dad is.

You are judging her and you need to make sure its not rubbing off on the kids because between this one and your other post its dripping in judgement.

Hoardasurass · 04/12/2021 21:06

Because there dad should be contacting her not you especially when there child is being punished. Also why isn't the dad doing all the "mum stuff "?

Kanaloa · 04/12/2021 21:09

Maybe she’s expecting the person she is coparenting with to ring her? Just because there’s a woman on the scene doesn’t mean the actual parent of these kids can now relax and hand the reins over.

jackiebenimble · 04/12/2021 21:15

I dont have my childrens
Step mothers number. I dont want it or need it. I have idea if she has mine. All arrangements go through ex h and i. We wattsapp several times a week. I genuinely cant think of any reasons for to be in touch with her.

RedWingBoots · 04/12/2021 21:17

OP you need to take the hint she has given you.

She doesn't want to communicate with you so hadn't saved your number and if you keep ringing her she will block you. You have absolutely no parental responsibility for her child so stop phoning her.

Chewbecca · 04/12/2021 21:21

What’s a ‘full time step mum’?

The dc already have a dad and mum, I would leave their dad to do the parenting when they’re with you.

DH never saves numbers in his phone - it’s just a different approach to your own, nothing to judge about. I imagine the children’s mum would prefer to deal with their Dad instead of you.

My role as step mum isn’t a parent, it’s a extra person in their lives who gives love, support and help and makes their parent happy.

SD1978 · 04/12/2021 21:25

Because you've messaged her twice in 4 years. If she wants to have a conversation regarding her kids- I'd assume that would be done with their dad?

Original poster
Maximum71 · 04/12/2021 21:26

@SD1978 never assume they say.

OP posts:
Original poster
Maximum71 · 04/12/2021 21:27

@fedup078 thanks - my 14 yr old nephew is the only person I know that doesn't save numbers- so good to know it's not weird! Thank you

OP posts:
Shedmistress · 04/12/2021 21:28

My DSD's mum never had my phone number, and I never had hers. Never even crossed my mind.

Original poster
Maximum71 · 04/12/2021 21:30

@theriverrunsthrough
Sorry for my constant 'moaning' 😂 twice now in 2 years..

OP posts:
sassbott · 04/12/2021 21:33

My exp’s EXW texted me once. I saved the number and then promptly blocked it.

I’m not her child’s parent. My exp was. They can communicate. I had no need (nor ever will) to communicate with her.

My exh and I are the same. we communicate directly re our children. No third parties involved.

Mackmama · 04/12/2021 21:35

I think step parenting can be a minefield at times but I take the same approach as @Chewbecca. I’ve been a step parent for 9 years now and have no communication with DSD’s mum, all communications go through DH which works for us.

CloudyStorms · 04/12/2021 21:38

She was given my number immediately why?
Can't she just talk to your partner? Aka the child's dad?

CloudyStorms · 04/12/2021 21:39

Am I being too judgy judgy?
Yes

CiaoForDiNiaoSaur · 04/12/2021 21:39

I wouldn't save my dcs sm's number because I don't need it. If I need to communicate about the dc I do so with their dad.

Wishitsnows · 04/12/2021 21:45

Does your partner expect you to do all the things with his kids on his time like cooking and entertaining them? If so he needs to step up and stop using you.