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Redundant hubby, how do we afford Xmas?

253 replies

Slythermum · 04/12/2021 03:58

Just some ideas please, Hubby has been made redundant as of next week, we have just paid out for expensive repairs on the roof. Literally no money to buy the kids Xmas presents. Stepkids don't appreciate anything they are bought, and most of last years presents were left on the floor unplayed with and it's the same every year, BUT they expect very expensive presents for Xmas (They get at least £600 spent on them at Xmas each at their mums) At this point, we are dealing with so much anxiety not sure what to even do :(

to add I saved about £200 for my daughter's Xmas present - I don't want to have to split that between her and the step-siblings because she won't be getting much from her dad for Xmas, whereas they will be coming back from their mums with new games consoles and expensive clothes.

Any suggestions welcome

OP posts:
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CloudyStorms · 04/12/2021 16:40

@flippertyop

She married a man with kids. They are his responsibility but in part also hers. It's pretty disgusting when he can't buy them anything at Christmas that she isn't stepping in. That's what being married is. Why do people marry someone with kids and then pretend they have no responsibility towards them ?
Absolutely not her responsibly to source expensive Christmas presents.
Georgy12 · 04/12/2021 16:41

Just like to add I don't think OP should contribute as they're not her kids but he's going to need to find a way to pay for them and if they only get a small gift at Xmas so be it.

CloudyStorms · 04/12/2021 16:41

Why on earth would maintenance stop? He's still responsible for his kids regardless of their mothers financial position! 🙄🙄 because he has no income.

CloudyStorms · 04/12/2021 16:42

@Georgy12

Just like to add I don't think OP should contribute as they're not her kids but he's going to need to find a way to pay for them and if they only get a small gift at Xmas so be it.
What is he supposed to do? Sell a kidney?
Woodmarsh · 04/12/2021 16:43

@CloudyStorms hush with your rational common sense replies thus is the step parent forum bank of step mum will sort it don't be so silly

Slythermum · 04/12/2021 16:44

Maintenance won't stop.

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TheGoodEnoughWife · 04/12/2021 16:44

Awful replies on this thread. It is not her responsibility when the chips are down to spread her money three ways when clearly the step children are not going without.
What about her own child? The child they have together. Why do all those who think 'poor step children - horrid step mother' not care about the child they have together? The child that would get little presents while having her half siblings showing off all their expensive stuff? Or do folk just like putting the boot in because that are arseholes?

CloudyStorms · 04/12/2021 16:45

@Slythermum

Maintenance won't stop.
Well it should be reduced if he has no income. Otherwise you are paying for his children which is ridiculous.
TheGoodEnoughWife · 04/12/2021 16:47

@ToughTittyWhompus

I’m not being snide.

I’m merely pointing out that you are very much projecting onto your SCs, normal behaviour and you’re making out like they’re awful kids.

It’s irrelevant how much Mum spends, or how much time their Dad spends with them - are you saying that because he doesn’t see them much, he shouldn’t spend a lot on them?

To repeat another PP - if you lost your job, would you be okay with him not sharing his money?

No that wouldn't be okay for him to not share his money because ALL the children are his. Can't you see the difference?
CloudyStorms · 04/12/2021 16:47

[quote Woodmarsh]@CloudyStorms hush with your rational common sense replies thus is the step parent forum bank of step mum will sort it don't be so silly[/quote]
Haha my branch of bank of stepmum has clamped down on its lending criteria in recent years. It was getting silly.

Slythermum · 04/12/2021 16:49

I think @flippertyop is just here to goad and preach whilst willfully misreading every single effing post where I have stated over and over again I am looking for ideas that will not break the bank and that will satisfy fussy entitled kids. I think flipper is deliberately making things up in their head about how I am a wicked Stepmother from a Disney film who is deliberately being a bitch to tiny children (they are older kids) and also blaming me for something that I am not doing.

OP posts:
SophieHatterPendragon · 04/12/2021 16:49

@flippertyop stop being nasty. The OP and her husband are clearly having a hard time right now and she hasn’t said she won’t get them anything.

OP I’m sorry you’re having a hard time right now. Hopefully your husband will find a new job soon it’s so tough sometimes.
We just had to pay out for a very expensive roof and floor repair so our Xmas budget this year is much tighter. My kids are 9,3&2. I’ve said to my 9’yr old that he’ll get a few things for Xmas but not crazy amounts 1) because he doesn’t play with anything we get him so it’s wasteful and 2) because money is a bit tighter it will be quality rather than quantity and I’ve reminded him his dad who has a much larger income will spoil him so he’s not missing out. He was very lovely and understood.
I think it’s good for kids to understand the value of money and also that we can’t always have everything!

Slythermum · 04/12/2021 16:55

@TheGoodEnoughWife

Awful replies on this thread. It is not her responsibility when the chips are down to spread her money three ways when clearly the step children are not going without. What about her own child? The child they have together. Why do all those who think 'poor step children - horrid step mother' not care about the child they have together? The child that would get little presents while having her half siblings showing off all their expensive stuff? Or do folk just like putting the boot in because that are arseholes?
It's my child with my ex, not current DH. I'm the primary caregiver to my dd who has asd. My ex isn't made of money either and like us has had house repairs recently. We get on fine, we just never spend a lot on Xmas presents - just normal stuff really, he's had to cut back a bit this year too.

The SC will come back with expensive things this year as they do every year and rub it in my dd's face. It's an attitude they have which is about fashion labels and boasting. Because my dd has some sensory issues, she only likes soft clothing so she isn't interested in labels for instance, just the feel of things. Someone mentioned a baking kit subscription on here which would actually be ideal for her as she loves baking. I might see if there are something similar for the SC's.

OP posts:
Slythermum · 04/12/2021 16:57

@TheGoodEnoughWife

Awful replies on this thread. It is not her responsibility when the chips are down to spread her money three ways when clearly the step children are not going without. What about her own child? The child they have together. Why do all those who think 'poor step children - horrid step mother' not care about the child they have together? The child that would get little presents while having her half siblings showing off all their expensive stuff? Or do folk just like putting the boot in because that are arseholes?
And the boot kickers are arseholes Grin they love to get a dig in when a woman is down.
OP posts:
ToughTittyWhompus · 04/12/2021 16:59

@TheGoodEnoughWife her DC isn’t his DC.

And yes of course, anytime anyone on here doesn’t agree with the SM that her SC are horror bags, we’re arseholes Hmm Rather than, you know, speaking from fucking years of experience.

Slythermum · 04/12/2021 17:00

[quote SophieHatterPendragon]@flippertyop stop being nasty. The OP and her husband are clearly having a hard time right now and she hasn’t said she won’t get them anything.

OP I’m sorry you’re having a hard time right now. Hopefully your husband will find a new job soon it’s so tough sometimes.
We just had to pay out for a very expensive roof and floor repair so our Xmas budget this year is much tighter. My kids are 9,3&2. I’ve said to my 9’yr old that he’ll get a few things for Xmas but not crazy amounts 1) because he doesn’t play with anything we get him so it’s wasteful and 2) because money is a bit tighter it will be quality rather than quantity and I’ve reminded him his dad who has a much larger income will spoil him so he’s not missing out. He was very lovely and understood.
I think it’s good for kids to understand the value of money and also that we can’t always have everything![/quote]
Exactly this. I've asked DH to manage their expectations and be honest with them about where we are at right now. I've also asked him to tell them not to boast about their Xmas stuff to my dd.

OP posts:
Slythermum · 04/12/2021 17:01

[quote ToughTittyWhompus]@TheGoodEnoughWife her DC isn’t his DC.

And yes of course, anytime anyone on here doesn’t agree with the SM that her SC are horror bags, we’re arseholes Hmm Rather than, you know, speaking from fucking years of experience.[/quote]
Given you have had years of experience, I've not heard anything from you that wasn't snide or judgmental. So thanks for that.

OP posts:
ToughTittyWhompus · 04/12/2021 17:03

You mean the same way you’ve been snide and judgmental about your SCs?

CazY777 · 04/12/2021 17:05

OP, have you heard of Family Fund? They provide grants to families with disabled children. My niece had a laptop paid for by them. Could be worth looking into to free up the money you have towards Christmas.

Slythermum · 04/12/2021 17:06

@ToughTittyWhompus

You mean the same way you’ve been snide and judgmental about your SCs?
This is not the winning comment you think it is. You've been told several times the situation I'm in but you seem to have a bee in your bonnet about it. It's pretty clear you have some issues that mean you can't actually read what I am saying without blaming me. I don't know what your problem is.
OP posts:
Woodmarsh · 04/12/2021 17:08

Can you imagine if this post was from anyone other thana step parent? No one would dream of piling on with the nastiness or be outraged on behalf of kids they had never even met. There would be posts saying be sensible op, dint spend money you don't have op, as long as the kids know you love them op but because it's a step parent all hell breaks lose

Slythermum · 04/12/2021 17:09

@CazY777

OP, have you heard of Family Fund? They provide grants to families with disabled children. My niece had a laptop paid for by them. Could be worth looking into to free up the money you have towards Christmas.
I'm going to look into this, I also will look at seeing if there is any other support for her as another poster was saying but when I spoke to CAHMS when she was diagnosed they said it would be a low possibility. For her, the issues come with anxiety and overwhelm, so she's highly functioning most of the time but then will have crippling anxiety so it's more on the mental health side she is affected.
OP posts:
TheGoodEnoughWife · 04/12/2021 17:10

[quote ToughTittyWhompus]@TheGoodEnoughWife her DC isn’t his DC.

And yes of course, anytime anyone on here doesn’t agree with the SM that her SC are horror bags, we’re arseholes Hmm Rather than, you know, speaking from fucking years of experience.[/quote]
In that case (and I had missed that) she should spend ALL her money on her own child just like the step childrens own mother will do. If the step childrens father can't afford to buy them anything that is a conversation he needs to have with them.

And I am fully experienced in being treated extremely differently from my half sibling (not even step!) but that was my father not his new partner to blame.

Slythermum · 04/12/2021 17:13

@Woodmarsh

Can you imagine if this post was from anyone other thana step parent? No one would dream of piling on with the nastiness or be outraged on behalf of kids they had never even met. There would be posts saying be sensible op, dint spend money you don't have op, as long as the kids know you love them op but because it's a step parent all hell breaks lose
Stepmothers are eeeevil if they don't get on their knees and profess undying subservience to stepchildren no matter how much arguing, whining and screaming they do, no matter how disrespectful they are. If you are a woman who stepparents you must be a saint at all times and your pockets must be open to the SC or else you are an abusive bitch who must be punished. "You married him AND you married his children" is the tattoo we must get branded on our belly.
OP posts:
TheGoodEnoughWife · 04/12/2021 17:15

Also @ToughTittyWhompus if anyone came in here and said 'my children don't seem to be grateful for the presents we get them. They have more than £600 spent on them but they throw the presents to floor and boast to other children about what they have'

What would folk say? Oh bless them. Maybe they are misunderstood? I don't think so. Just the other week someone got their arse handed to them on a plate because they thought their own child would be disappointed even with hundreds being spent on her.

Step children are just as capable at being ungrateful shit bags at times as any children can be.

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