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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Advice re holiday/passport

79 replies

AndSoFinally · 05/09/2021 18:38

My DP has a court ordered CAO. This includes being able to take SS out of the country for a two week holiday and that his passport should be made available in advance. It stated for 2019 and 2020 that the holiday should be in the 6 week summer holidays but doesn't specify after 2020.

We want to take him abroad next Easter before the school holidays. He is 8 so not doing exams or anything. His mum is refusing to let us, first saying she feels the country is too dangerous (it's not, it's an all inclusive resort in Spain) and then saying she doesn't believe in taking him out of school (although his current attendance is around 80% for last year, not including any COVID absence, because she has random days where she just doesn't take him in).

What would be our next steps here? Is it back to court? If we're unable to get a court date before we'd reasonably have to book the holiday, would we have any comeback on her for the cost of the holiday if she prevented him going? Is there any way to find out whether he even has a passport? There's every possibility he doesn't so we could just apply for one

Any advice appreciated

OP posts:

Original poster

AndSoFinally · 05/09/2021 21:04

Who is the rest of the family that will be going? If you think it’s important he joins the holiday why on earth wouldn’t you be planning something for the school holidays?

DP, me, his step siblings and half siblings.

If we had to go in school holidays then none of us could go. I don't think it's unreasonable to miss a week of school at age 8 in order to go abroad and experience another culture. Education comes in many forms. It's not like he's doing GCSEs. My parents always took us out of school for a week for a holiday, but I guess times are different now.

OP posts:

Original poster

AndSoFinally · 05/09/2021 21:07

@AnneLovesGilbert it'll be his only trip abroad as DPs job means we usually have to go in school holidays, but this year circumstances are different and DP is off around Easter. We can't afford school holiday prices, and nor can his mum, so this is likely to be the only trip abroad we make unless we win the lottery!

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 05/09/2021 21:11

You don't "experience another culture" in an all inclusive 😂

Hoppinggreen · 05/09/2021 21:14

@SoupDragon

You don't "experience another culture" in an all inclusive 😂

Well there will be waiters to be fair (with perfect English) The child will survive not going abroad

myrtleWilson · 05/09/2021 21:18

Are you saying that for the next 10 years you couldn't save enough money to go abroad in a school holiday?

excelledyourself · 05/09/2021 21:20

So give this year a miss and save to go next school holiday? Why did your DP bother getting it written into to a CAO if it was never in the plan?

dementedpixie · 05/09/2021 21:21

Could you not save up for an extra year and go on holiday the year after in the school holidays?

lbpie · 05/09/2021 21:37

A court would laugh at you asking them for consent to take him out of school for a holiday?

Do you really expect them to back that up?

lbpie · 05/09/2021 21:41

@SoupDragon

You don't "experience another culture" in an all inclusive 😂

😂😂😂

cameocat · 05/09/2021 21:51

As others have said a court will not back you up for a holiday in school time and yes it does matter when he's missed so much already.

Pebbledashery · 05/09/2021 21:59

None of your explanations make me think you're being reasonable.
He's 8 years old, he'll be happy enough camping in a forest and eating beans around a camp fire. A holiday doesn't usurp his education I'm afraid. Perhaps you and his father should prioritise his education.. I'm with mum here.

aSofaNearYou · 05/09/2021 22:05

I think you need to just go without him tbh OP. The rest of the family deserve the opportunity but your hands are tied by his poor school attendance regarding him going.

Getawaywithit · 05/09/2021 22:08

DP has raised the attendance with the school

And

Idon't think it's unreasonable to miss a week of school at age 8 in order to go abroad and experience another culture

You see no issue with this? No issue if dad takes him out of school but he’s complaining about every other absence?

And I agree, Spain via an all inclusive does not another cultural experience make.

aSofaNearYou · 05/09/2021 22:11

And I agree, Spain via an all inclusive does not another cultural experience make.

I don't wholly agree with this tbh. It can be a solid start for young children just getting their head around the idea of other cultures.

I can see why OP can hold the views she does about missing school for a holiday vs missing school to sit at home. Unfortunately for this boy, it would be both which adds up to too much.

StarshipsAreMeantToFly · 05/09/2021 22:13

If his mum says no and he had already missed a load of school then he will have to stay behind.

And loads of kids don't go abroad for their holidays becuase their parents can't afford it.

StarshipsAreMeantToFly · 05/09/2021 22:15

DP has raised the attendance with the school. They were on the cusp of informing the educational welfare officer but decided against because "it's been a difficult year" if he has raised the attendance as an issue he is going to look like a really shit father to then ask to take them out of school. Either he's worried about the attendance or he's not.

Starlightstarbright1 · 05/09/2021 22:35

The priority is the child.

I usually would be fine taking a child out at 8 ... however he has attendece of 80% plus all the additional time with covid and lockdowns . He needs to be in school far more than spain.

You can save up to go abroad next year.

You can find a cheaper hotel.

This holiday is not in the childs best interest

OmgIcantbelieveshedidit · 05/09/2021 22:35

@AndSoFinally

Who is the rest of the family that will be going? If you think it’s important he joins the holiday why on earth wouldn’t you be planning something for the school holidays?

DP, me, his step siblings and half siblings.

You already get 12 weeks a year like the rest of us - to do holidays in. 12 weeks is plenty.

Because I want a cheap holiday is not a valid argument.

Pebbledashery · 05/09/2021 22:38

I can categorically tell you a court won't grant you a specific issue order for a term time holiday.

DifferentHair · 05/09/2021 22:45

I think you should go to court, so there is a permanent record of how unreasonable you and DH are being.

Take the money you're contemplating spending on court and lawyers and use it for a holiday that works for everyone.

You're hurting the child by having such a disrespectful and adversarial attitude to his mother. Regardless of what she does, please try and raise the bar.

Pinkyxx · 05/09/2021 23:14

I wouldn't take my child out of school for a holiday, nor would I agree for my ex to. Also, not sure I'd agree that a holiday in Spain in an all inclusive resort if a ''cultural experience''... you want to do it in term time because it's cheaper that's it. Sorry you're being unreasonable, not the Mother.

You won't be successful in court. Use the money you plan to spend on court proceedings to book in the holidays.

gogohm · 05/09/2021 23:31

If I were his mother I would say no to taking him out of school end of

lunar1 · 06/09/2021 02:45

If there is only one holiday abroad happening in the next 10 years it needs to be when all the children can go.

Quitelikeacatslife · 06/09/2021 03:21

You shouldn't take him or your own kids out of school for holiday. They need to catch up. How old are your kids?
I wouldn't go without him, that is awful. Like all parents you need to find a holiday you can afford in the school holidays.
Personally I'd go for a week instead of two and have a week doing fun stuff at home or have another week off work in another holiday.

Original poster

AndSoFinally · 06/09/2021 07:47

He's 8 years old, he'll be happy enough camping in a forest and eating beans around a camp fire.

I'm sure he would, but that's not the holiday we're going on. We're already only going for a week. Genuinely, it's this or never, unless there's a huge change in circumstances.

If the consensus is the best thing to do is leave him behind then I'll accept that. It just feels unfair is all

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