Is it okay to admit that you'd leave if DSC ever had to come live with you full time?

[JustGreatThatIs]

Whilst I do like my DSC, I just don't think I'd enjoy a life where they lived with us all of the tjme and so I believe that whilst I'd give it my best shot, it could inevitably lead to the end of me and DH.

So you wouldn’t do a family dinner for them?

Why is the measure of a woman whether she'd want to put on a family dinner for her step children when they come round. I really wonder if a man would be asked that question. Truly, I don't believe they would. Is it not a good thing that Dad takes the lead with their care when his children stay?

Yes but we aren’t talking about any old people here. We are talking about your partner’s children

I appreciate to my husband they are the best people to walk the earth, but I'm not really sure what this means to anyone else. They are my husband's children yes. What's your point? Am I supposed to be want to live with them full time more because of that?

You are saying that you are something of a bystander when your DDS is at your home

And yet you extensively post on the step parenting threads, clearly a matter close to your heart and preoccupying

I find it a somewhat contradictory stance.

As I keep saying
I wouldn’t want to live with them

No. No. No. way.

For fact that I don’t want to live with other children AND I think it would be shit for my children to blend families.

But I wouldn’t take the risk because that is my stance

Mainly though - it’s the invariably dad NonRP that I find most baffling in the scenario where someone has said “yeah, if your children ever want to move in full time, I’m outta here”

Tables turned and I’d be opening the front door for them

@LittleMysSister

@ Marmite, I do understand your point but I just don't class the kids maybe moving in at some point as more important than other possible eventualities that may occur in my relationship and change the way I feel about it. So I wouldn't end my relationship just in case it did happen. I would cross the bridge when I came to it.

Sensible

So not what some have said about it being a stake in the ground essentially

@Marmitemarinaded

As I keep saying I wouldn’t want to live with them

No. No. No. way.

For fact that I don’t want to live with other children AND I think it would be shit for my children to blend families.

But I wouldn’t take the risk because that is my stance

Okay but you made it sound like it's different because they are your husbands children 'not random people' as if that should make a difference to me wanting to live with them or not.

@JustGreatThatIs

So you wouldn’t do a family dinner for them?

Why is the measure of a woman whether she'd want to put on a family dinner for her step children when they come round. I really wonder if a man would be asked that question. Truly, I don't believe they would. Is it not a good thing that Dad takes the lead with their care when his children stay?

Yes but we aren’t talking about any old people here. We are talking about your partner’s children

I appreciate to my husband they are the best people to walk the earth, but I'm not really sure what this means to anyone else. They are my husband's children yes. What's your point? Am I supposed to be want to live with them full time more because of that?

The pp listed fed, dressed, taken to school

So I picked the one that you’d be doing anyway potentially… cooking food

Bugger all to do with gender

@Marmitemarinaded

You are saying that you are something of a bystander when your DDS is at your home

And yet you extensively post on the step parenting threads, clearly a matter close to your heart and preoccupying

I find it a somewhat contradictory stance.

Do you mean me? I have never said that.

@Marmitemarinaded

You mean me, as it happens he normally sorts dinner for the kids and I do for us after they are in bed. I don't see the problem

Apologies for confused with another poster

So not what some have said about it being a stake in the ground essentially

No, the quote you were responding to basically was what everyone has been saying. You seem to misunderstanding an awful lot.

Most of the posters have said similar- they know it would probably be the end of their relationship if it were to happen, but they think that's unlikely enough that they go ahead anyway. Similar to DH himself dying, or having an affair.

[quote eiwghfrghrugh]@Marmitemarinaded

You mean me, as it happens he normally sorts dinner for the kids and I do for us after they are in bed. I don't see the problem [/quote]
When they get older
Would you be prepared to cook for them if you were cooking that night and not your partner?

@Marmitemarinaded

Mainly though - it’s the invariably dad NonRP that I find most baffling in the scenario where someone has said “yeah, if your children ever want to move in full time, I’m outta here”

Tables turned and I’d be opening the front door for them

I think was aimed at me but if you’d read my post you’d realise that isn’t what I said to my DP. We wouldn’t split up but we’d live separately until his were grown to enable both sets of children the best possible parenting from each of us.

My kids wouldn’t want to live with my DP’s kids full time and I doubt my SCs would either. It simply wouldn’t work, so we’d revert back to 2 separate homes until the kids are older.

I actually think that’s the opposite of me being selfish? I’d be putting my own kids first whilst allowing DP comfortably to do the same.

I also explained my DP couldn’t take full custody without either me taking on the majority of the parenting or me taking on the majority of the financial burden. Both of which would massively disadvantage my own children which wouldn’t be fair to them.

I never said I wouldn’t support them… I’d just continue doing it in in the same capacity as I do now and no more

I'd be more than happy for my sd to move in if I meant we didn't have to deal with her mother any more!

If it meant, not if I meant!

I dread that day too...hopefully it will never come to that but it wouldnt be a definite never. SD definitely prefers being with her Dad and her mum often 'struggles' so i can see her one day turning around and giving up... but hopefully not! Because I would be set up for a life of misery.

Not RTFT so not sure how cooking dinner has come into it but yeah I wouldn't like it either. They'd hate it and remind me I'm not their mum and I'd be like yeah I know that bit I live here too! I'd feel so pushed out. Hopefully the ex won't die for a few years and it will be ok.

They won't want to live here either they live in a huge house with their mum and all their friends are there.

It is an interesting question.

My ex H and I have two teens. They live with me and he has them EOW. They see his house as their house and my house as their house. Say hypothetically I was unable to look after my teens anymore or, more likely, one of them asked to live with dad. My ex H has a toddler with his GF. So one or two teens move into dads house. Dad WFH so no childcare issues. So if his GF decides she doesn’t like this set up, does she move out? Would she get RP or more likely my ex would now go for 50:50? So many issues when you link up with another adult that has baggage in the form of children,

I know an adult son that has left his wife and has moved in with his mum and her husband. This isn’t a step dad as the “son” is in his late 30s. This was not the family home. I would imagine the mums husband is not too impressed with this change in his housing set up.

I guess so... which is why I've never been interested in dating a man with kids.

Well exactly @Frankola. While it seems a horrible thought, it's probably the situation with their mother that makes it worse. Maybe without her on the scene it wouldn't be so bad.

@cornishgem1975 I think that's the real issue for a lot of step mums to be honest. It's not the Scs it's their mum.

I love my SD dearly and whilst we have had quite a few typical teenage "moments" over the last few years I'd be more than happy for her to live with us.

Our issue is her mother. She has gone out of her way to cause nothing but hurt and trouble for us over the last 14 years. She's the bit about step parenting I don't like!

People must be aware when they get involved that surely it's a possibility that any kids live with you full time? It's a bit silly to presume mum will always be resident parent.

@Willyoujustbequiet

People must be aware when they get involved that surely it's a possibility that any kids live with you full time? It's a bit silly to presume mum will always be resident parent.

Did you read beyond the OP?

@sassbott
I am genuinely aghast at the amount of posters who seem to have regressed to the 50’s/ 60’s in terms of their ‘expectations’ of what women should be prepared to do.

I don't think it's what they expect women to do...more that they're surprised thus situation would end the marriage.

SC coming to live with you, doesn't translate to SM has to do everything care related for them. Their father should be capable of doing that.

If it's not so much about what SM will have to do...and more she just couldn't live with the SC for whatever reason, that's a different scenario.