DSD eating all my kids pack up food

[ChocolateFlamingo]

I'm getting really annoyed now. DSD is 16 and she keeps helping herself to the food I buy for my kids packed lunches for school!!
Now they don't have enough for tomorrow or Friday!!
I can't afford to keep forking out, she gets bought her own food but she stuffs it all at once and then moans that there's nothing for her to eat!!
Am I right to feel frustrated here?

Once more with feeling, the DSD has a father. Women like the OP aren't the default house elf.

Nobody's suggested otherwise. But she's the one posting here so she's the one getting feedback. I'm sure she'll discuss it with her DP if she needs to.

@Teenyton

"But also there's nothing about having food that is off limits as it's for lunch boxes. That's not controlling behaviour, that's basic consideration."

Sorry don't agree....

You think that a 16 year old knowingly eating her younger siblings packed lunch food and not having a basic consideration of others is ok?

I had no idea there was an age limit on packed lunches😊. I am 43 and still take one to the office.

But I humbly apologise☺️

@Ideasplease322

I had no idea there was an age limit on packed lunches😊. I am 43 and still take one to the office.

But I humbly apologise☺️

At 16 she can make her own. The others can't.

My teen DSC would be embarrassed if she took in what I make my toddler DC for lunch. She makes her own. She doesn't feel hard done by, I think she likes that she can choose what to put in her own sandwiches as mum forces her to eat the same ham each time.

You think that a 16 year old knowingly eating her younger siblings packed lunch food and not having a basic consideration of others is ok? I agree, it's not on. I knew at 16 there were free for all food, packed lunch food and 'dont you dare eat that it's for when your aunt comes round at the weekend food'. I didn't feel it was controlling. If I didn't know what I could eat I just asked.

Okay fair enough. I just meant if there is food set aside for packed lunches would it help if there were four packed lunches rather than three. The girl clearly likes the packed lunch food.

But maybe a silly comment.

@Ideasplease322

Okay fair enough. I just meant if there is food set aside for packed lunches would it help if there were four packed lunches rather than three. The girl clearly likes the packed lunch food.

But maybe a silly comment.

At one point should people be responsible for their own food then? 33? If she likes them - what’s stopping her from buying ingredients and making her own as she buys her own McDonald’s? If my DH has put something in the fridge that he bought for himself to eat - do I get to eat it just because I like it?

Again I apologise. Just bought if she wasn’t told it was off limits but given share she might not steal everyone else’s.

There seems to be her food and the other children’s food.

Yes absolutely she should respect the packed lunches and not scoff them all.

Again silly comment on my part which I already acknowledged.

@girlmom21

Once more with feeling, the DSD has a father. Women like the OP aren't the default house elf.

Nobody's suggested otherwise. But she's the one posting here so she's the one getting feedback. I'm sure she'll discuss it with her DP if she needs to.

She's posted about packed lunches. Now she's being asked if she cooks the 16 yo three meals a day. Why is that her job?

Buy more food/snacks that she actually wants so there's actually enough for her as well as your kids. Food shouldn't be rationed.

If she's not listening to you and she keeps eating "their" food despite having the food she wants, then Her dad needs to step in to tell her to stop and she needs to face proper consequences. Regardless of whether they're her step or full siblings, it's really selfish behaviour that needs to be stamped out.

There's no way you should have to get to the point of locking food away as some people are suggesting. She's a teen, not a rat. If she's continuing to eat food she knows has been earmarked for lunches it's cruel and mean and she needs to be punished for it.

Buy more food/snacks that she actually wants so there's actually enough for her as well as your kids. Food shouldn't be rationed.

Mine would eat just chocolate croissants and pizza. All cool to buy 50 of those a week and no fruit or vegetables?

Mine would eat just chocolate croissants and pizza. All cool to buy 50 of those a week and no fruit or vegetables?

Of course, they get a bit of lettuce in the mcdonalds burgers.

@SarahDarah

Buy more food/snacks that she actually wants so there's actually enough for her as well as your kids. Food shouldn't be rationed.

If she's not listening to you and she keeps eating "their" food despite having the food she wants, then Her dad needs to step in to tell her to stop and she needs to face proper consequences. Regardless of whether they're her step or full siblings, it's really selfish behaviour that needs to be stamped out.

Why should OP be doing that though when DSD is capable of buying her own treats? If she can buy McDonald’s she can buy all these other things (or ask her father for money to buy them).

Also as pp mentioned if snacks aren’t bought in limited quantities that’s all kids would eat.

Also adding that in the OP she states that DSD Is bought her own food but scoffs all of it.
Presumably it’s very health to provide an unlimited flow of snacks …

@Uramaki

Mine would eat just chocolate croissants and pizza. All cool to buy 50 of those a week and no fruit or vegetables?

Of course, they get a bit of lettuce in the mcdonalds burgers.

Actually there's tomato in ketchup as well.

It would make my life MUCH easier.

Exactly @MrsTerryPratchett mine would do the same.

Even if I could afford to buy stupid amounts of snack food I wouldn't, there's always sandwich stuff, pasta , noodles and fruit for them to eat.

I've had 2 go through the teenage years and neither have eaten the food that they know is for their brothers lunch boxes .

I don’t know why so many people are suggesting she gets bought more food?

OP quite clearly already said there IS other food. But she is CHOOSING not to eat that, but to eat the packed lunches. So if her food is not enough, she should make something else, or choose something else. OP hasn’t said this is not allowed just that she’s choosing not to.

That’s the bit that isn’t ok. She knows this stuff is for pack ups because she’s been told. But she’s still choosing to eat it, because she doesn’t want the other stuff. She picks her own snacks, so it’s not a case of some kids getting nice stuff and her not. She is choosing what she wants.

Snacking and grazing is not a healthy habit for anyone to get into and often it’s done because people are bored.

Being under/overweight doesn’t really justify it either. Being unhealthy is the issue and teaching good food habits is important for children. Bad habits are easy to get into and hard to get out of and we should be teaching our children.

I can pack some food away and I’m sure on occasions I could also have seconds, doesn’t mean I do, because actually my body doesn’t ‘need’ it. I just want it, and in my case I am being greedy.

Teaching balance and being considerate is not harmful and I don’t get why people are thinking this child is starved.

Teens do annoying and unacceptable things, as do all children in fact. And they have to learn not to and be taught not to. Given the info we have this clearly looks like one of those situations. And I really don’t think providing endless snacks so she can do as she pleases is the right answer.

This is actually what OPs said:

I can't afford to keep forking out, she gets bought her own food but she stuffs it all at once and then moans that there's nothing for her to eat!!

So, what is bought for her, lasts this girl a couple of days, then "her" food is gone. And tells an adult she's got nothing to eat. But she doesn't get any more of "her" food. OP says she can't keep forking out, so it suggests this might be a cost thing. She's hungry and nothing is "hers" from day two.

She chooses what she wants from the shop and she get it bought for her.

Well this depends, is she saying "crumpets" for breakfast, and being bought a single pack of 6. And as a hungry teen eats three in a sitting. So that's her breakfast gone in 2 days. And that's that. When the reality is she needed two packs from the start. It's 60p we're talking here. And to be allowed some toast if needs be to topped up. But she gets enough to actually last her two days, and that's deemed plenty. It's not if it's routinely lasting her two days.

She won't go and replace them, she'll just point blank refuse and there's no way for me to make her.

A child isn't responsible for replacing household food when there isn't enough for them in the first place.

She has a part time job but she's wasted all her money on McDonald's, same reason, she's eaten all her own food

Why is her having to buy extra meals because there's not enough being allocated as "her" food, her wasting her money? This is not what her wages are for. One offs sure. But always? This is a child using the small wage they get, to supplement their food intake because what she gets doesn't cover her needs.

Yet again, OP points out this is because all "her" food is gone. How is this not getting really obvious by now?

To make one thing clear. She has plenty of food.

Really? Because up until now, it's really looking like she doesn't.

I'd never let her go hungry, when she's not at work

But all her food is gone, she can't keep going to McDonalds, and OP isn't "forking out"

either she's just too lazy to make herself anything and I'm at work during the day too so I'm not around to.

Ok. So does she see it as there's "her food" and "everyone else's food.". So once her food is gone, anything falls under "not hers.".

The bread she would use for a sandwich. That's not hers. That's for her dad's breakfast. Not hers. And she's got to turn that bread that isn't hers into a sandwich.

Or there's the cereal bars for tomorrow's packed lunches. Not hers. But they don't need making into anything.

Best go for the easy option that's not hers instead of the more effort version that's not hers.

If there were a pack of no effort sausage rolls (£1) that were hers, guess what she'd be eating!

I know the OP hasn't been back @TwinsandTrifle but you are just making shit up now.

I'm reading that as DSD gets to pick treat food, which she then inhales in two days. After that is family food, if it's like my house that's eggs, noodles, bread, fruit, veg, and so in. But she'd rather scarf the younger kids' packed lunch things.

OP used the example of a carton of juice for DSD and little boxes for the smaller ones. I wouldn't let DD drink endless juice either. One carton a week is 'hers' then it's milk, water, tea. That's reasonable. It's not reasonable to drink all her juice in two days, then all the juice boxes for the smaller kids. So they get none.

@FilledSoda

I bet she's just hungry and can't resist . I remember always being hungry at that age. The food was a bit grim and there was simply nothing like snacks in the house , we weren't allowed to help ourselves anyway . It was bloody miserable.

Perhaps your parents were a bit strapped for cash and had to budget? Just because kids these days have all the crisps and goodies they can eat made available to them ( which is one reason such a high number of kids in the uk are so obese) past generations were often more formal about meal times and frowned on snacking in between.

@LettyLoman

She sounds like a selfish madam. Next food shop tell her you aren’t buying her any snacks as she ate them last week.

It might sound harsh, but I agree. It sounds like DSD is missing a few boundaries in her life. Not really fair on OP her father hasn't intervened more in solving his daughter's entitled behaviour

@MrsTerryPratchett

I know the OP hasn't been back *@TwinsandTrifle* but you are just making shit up now.

I'm reading that as DSD gets to pick treat food, which she then inhales in two days. After that is family food, if it's like my house that's eggs, noodles, bread, fruit, veg, and so in. But she'd rather scarf the younger kids' packed lunch things.

OP used the example of a carton of juice for DSD and little boxes for the smaller ones. I wouldn't let DD drink endless juice either. One carton a week is 'hers' then it's milk, water, tea. That's reasonable. It's not reasonable to drink all her juice in two days, then all the juice boxes for the smaller kids. So they get none.

My thoughts too, just creating your own version of events now.

OP quite clearly said, there is other food. It’s just stuff she doesn’t want. The example given as stated above is perfectly reasonable regarding the carton of juice.

It’s not a ‘her food’ ‘our food’. It’s ‘her snacks’ because, she’s picked them and the other children are told not to eat them. And then ‘younger kids packed lunch’ and it’s perfectly reasonable to expect her not to eat them. Nowhere does it say she cannot access ‘family food’ which is for everyone, just that she can’t eat the younger kids packed lunches which feed them each day at school. That’s perfectly reasonable request.

@TwinsandTrifle RTFT . OP has stated that other food is available