DSD eating all my kids pack up food

[ChocolateFlamingo]

I'm getting really annoyed now. DSD is 16 and she keeps helping herself to the food I buy for my kids packed lunches for school!!
Now they don't have enough for tomorrow or Friday!!
I can't afford to keep forking out, she gets bought her own food but she stuffs it all at once and then moans that there's nothing for her to eat!!
Am I right to feel frustrated here?

If what's more accurate, is that the packed lunches are sandwiches, fruit, carrot sticks, crisps and a chocolate bar, and she's eating all the crisps and the chocolate bar, then she hasn't eaten all their packed lunches. She's had the snack element. So buy one extra pack of chocolate bars. £2. And one extra variety pack of crisps. £2. And keep them elsewhere so she can't get to them. It's that easy. Teens are notoriously lazy and eat like horses. There are bigger problems in life when a solution like this is so easy. Yes, she should respect not eating them. If she's eating a whole family pack of crisps, on top of the food that's supposedly sufficient, in the space of OPs work shift, then that's more than laziness, she's hungry.

But this IS really bad behaviour. You keep saying "well it was all she had to choose from", but the truth is she should not have considered that an option. That food is not free for her to choose from, and she already knows this. Sometimes people are hungry. It doesn't give them a free pass to take what they want. She didn't have "no choice" but to take her siblings lunch. If there was genuinely no other option (doubtful) and she was not able to ask an adult or go and buy herself something, then she should have chosen the option of being hungry.

DS13 has had 4 pieces of toast with eggs for breakfast (8.30am) and just gone into town with his friends for a Subway because he's starving

They all are. Most conversation with the other mothers tends to be how we can't believe how much these mini adults consume. One has two teen boys and a second full sized fridge.

The difference here though, is that had DS not just gone into town and been allowed to treat himself to a Subway, he'd be at home, "starving" instead. And there's chicken slices, pastrami, cheese, bananas, toast, crisps, bagels, pears, chocolate, that will fill him up for lunch here. All zero or next to zero prep.

The answer here, seems to be, buy enough for everyone. Because what's being allocated to DD doesn't seem to be filling her up.

You keep saying "well it was all she had to choose from", but the truth is she should not have considered that an option

The truth is, it shouldn't have been her only option. She shouldn't go hungry because there isn't food for her just as much as the others shouldn't. They shouldn't go hungry because their sister is at home with not enough food.

The answer here, isn't "well you just sit there hungry, this is for other people" and leave her hungry.

@TwinsandTrifle

DS13 has had 4 pieces of toast with eggs for breakfast (8.30am) and just gone into town with his friends for a Subway because he's starving

They all are. Most conversation with the other mothers tends to be how we can't believe how much these mini adults consume. One has two teen boys and a second full sized fridge.

The difference here though, is that had DS not just gone into town and been allowed to treat himself to a Subway, he'd be at home, "starving" instead. And there's chicken slices, pastrami, cheese, bananas, toast, crisps, bagels, pears, chocolate, that will fill him up for lunch here. All zero or next to zero prep.

The answer here, seems to be, buy enough for everyone. Because what's being allocated to DD doesn't seem to be filling her up.

I know what you're saying about buying more food. That is fair enough. BUT you also seem to be saying that she is doing nothing wrong, and has no choice but to take that food, and that I think is not true at all. The truth is that your son was not starving. He was either greedy, or hungry, but he had just had four slices of toast with eggs, so what he categorically was not, was starving. Simply being hungry is not an excuse to take something you have explicitly been told is not to be taken, and is for another purpose. Being hungry is not the end of the world.

By all means, buy more food, but she IS behaving badly here.

@TwinsandTrifle

You keep saying "well it was all she had to choose from", but the truth is she should not have considered that an option

The truth is, it shouldn't have been her only option. She shouldn't go hungry because there isn't food for her just as much as the others shouldn't. They shouldn't go hungry because their sister is at home with not enough food.

The answer here, isn't "well you just sit there hungry, this is for other people" and leave her hungry.

Sometimes, it will be for the best for them not to eat snacks. Some people will eat huge meals followed by a whole bag of doritos, and still want more. It is not always about being hungry, and being hungry does not ALWAYS mean we should eat.

And it's extremely unlikely it genuinely was the only option. I've never been to a house with zero food in. It might have been something less desirable or something she had to prepare, but there will have been a choice. She could also have walked to a shop.

If there was genuinely no other option (doubtful) and she was not able to ask an adult or go and buy herself something, then she should have chosen the option of being hungry.

This honestly baffles me. Imagine a 16yr old girl doing an AIBU:

"I'm at home during the day while both parents work. I get really hungry, and what they buy at the beginning of the week as my allocated food, is gone by Wednesday. Fridays are ok as I can get the bus into town and get myself a McDonald's. But today, I was really hungry, and the only food I could get to was for my brother's packed lunch tomorrow. There's a whole chicken and veg in there for our tea, and some fish fillets which are probably for tomorrow's tea. My parents aren't back for another four hours and tea will be in about six hours. It's midday and I'm so hungry. Roll forward to 4pm, and my mum's arrived home and got mad at me for eating my brother's lunch."

What advice would you give that child.

@Theunamedcat

Dejavu anyone?

For the millionth time!

Ffs twins get off the box about this shes taking food that has been allocated for anothers child lunch -shes eaten everything else that was bought for her

its just greed not hunger

@TwinsandTrifle It's highly unlikely that she would have to wait anything close to 6 hours for dinner, or that she would be incapable of walking to a shop to buy herself a snack. Or that there was nothing else she could prepare at all. If she's already eaten her meal, I would definitely not encourage her to take someone else's meal as a snack for herself. THAT baffles me, tbh.

@TwinsandTrifle

If there was genuinely no other option (doubtful) and she was not able to ask an adult or go and buy herself something, then she should have chosen the option of being hungry.

This honestly baffles me. Imagine a 16yr old girl doing an AIBU:

"I'm at home during the day while both parents work. I get really hungry, and what they buy at the beginning of the week as my allocated food, is gone by Wednesday. Fridays are ok as I can get the bus into town and get myself a McDonald's. But today, I was really hungry, and the only food I could get to was for my brother's packed lunch tomorrow. There's a whole chicken and veg in there for our tea, and some fish fillets which are probably for tomorrow's tea. My parents aren't back for another four hours and tea will be in about six hours. It's midday and I'm so hungry. Roll forward to 4pm, and my mum's arrived home and got mad at me for eating my brother's lunch."

What advice would you give that child.

I’d tell them not to eat all their food in one go and that it’s not ok to go and eat food that is allocated to your younger siblings lunchboxes. Make a couple of slices of toast, have an apple, make some porridge

Message your dad and ask if it’s ok if you can help yourself to some of the snacks which are for the lunch box - can he pick a few bits up to replace them

She’s 16 and sounds like she just wants to eat the snacks and doesn’t care that she’s been asked not to. She’s not starving on the street love

Bloody hell do people not bother to read all the ops posts?

She has already said there's plenty of food, the dsd just can't be arsed to make any of it

shes eaten everything else that was bought for her

Yes I get that. That's what I see as the problem. If her stuff was enough, she wouldn't need to eat other people's.

It's greed not hunger

We have no idea which it is. I think the fact what she is allocated goes immediately, and she buys her own meals on top, suggests what she's allocated isn't enough and she's hungry. You can think greedy. We're allowed to have different opinions.

She has already said there's plenty of food, the dsd just can't be arsed to make any of it

Hence me pointing out that if she's not making herself a sandwich, then this can't be the packed lunch stuff she's eating. And if the packed lunches are only made of premade snacks, that's a whole different issue.

she gets bought her own food but she stuffs it all at once and then moans that there's nothing for her to eat!!

If a teen is getting a full breakfast, a full lunch, a full tea, extra from McDonald's, their own extra, specific sufficient food and snacks, they wouldn't be eating other people's.

The very fact that what's being allowed as her allocation for the week, is gone virtually immediately. And she's still buying her own food on top. Suggests that the amount allocated to her is not enough.

@TwinsandTrifle

shes eaten everything else that was bought for her

Yes I get that. That's what I see as the problem. If her stuff was enough, she wouldn't need to eat other people's.

It's greed not hunger

We have no idea which it is. I think the fact what she is allocated goes immediately, and she buys her own meals on top, suggests what she's allocated isn't enough and she's hungry. You can think greedy. We're allowed to have different opinions.

Yes, but if her meal isn't enough for her, then how are her siblings supposed to cope without even that? Why does her desire to have MORE food than her meal, trump their need to have a meal? It is greedy given the context, because she's wrongly putting herself first when her needs are not as urgent, and without even having the courtesy to tell the adults so they can make damn sure they replace the younger kids lunches in time. Because she doesn't care about that.

If she was your daughter and not DSD people would be telling you to discipline her.
But she is, and Mumsnet hates step parents and step children are always perfect little angels that can do no wrong.
YANBU.
Your small children should just suck it up and have no food because an older child who is old enough to control herself or ask for more food is scoffing theirs and is far more important in the grand scheme of things.

Also people are forgetting that while teens are always hungry they are also known for being lazy. Which the DSD is.

*Lazy and selfish

Can you freeze your children's food?

Sandwiches and fruit juice can be frozen. So can cheese.

I know you shouldn't have to but I doubt she can be bothered to defrost them.

For crisps and fruit put a lock on a cupboard.

Consider one of these www.safe.co.uk/products/lockabox-classic-clear.html?ACODE=googlebase

Yes, but if her meal isn't enough for her, then how are her siblings supposed to cope without even that?

They aren't. Neithers she. The parents need to provide sufficient food for everyone.

OP states she is, but the child purchasing extra meals on top of what OP provides, could indicate otherwise.

without even having the courtesy to tell the adults so they can make damn sure they replace the younger kids lunches in time. Because she doesn't care about that.

Yes I agree with this. She probably says nothing because she knows she'll get in trouble, but at least on the 4th occasion she texts "sorry, I've eaten all my food and I'm hungry so I've eaten someone else's" the pattern might be sufficient enough to prompt getting enough in for her. Imagine if you are simply hungry, and if you eat something you're told, that wasn't for you, you're just greedy. Her being greedy is a possibility. Her being hungry is the other.

They aren't. Neithers she. The parents need to provide sufficient food for everyone. OP states she is, but the child purchasing extra meals on top of what OP provides, could indicate otherwise.

I think we can agree that there is an equally likely chance she was genuinely hungry, vs greedy. I don't see much to suggest this wasn't just classic greed tbh but it could be either.

I do think it's highly unlikely she had no other option. She's of an age where she can go out and buy things, for a starters, but also it's very rare for a house to be totally bare. If there was a bag of flour in, she could have made pancakes.

But most importantly I don't agree that, in the absence of any other food available, she had "no choice" but to eat her siblings, and that this was fine behaviour. She had the choice of being hungry, the choice she made was selfish.

I came from a controlling family. I was well into adulthood before I realised I had certain rights and it wasn’t unusual for me to have to ask for food at this age. Once when we were on holiday, I fell asleep in the sun and woke up desperate for a cold, sugary drink. I had enough cash and said I was going to buy a can and they told me not to because we were going for lunch. I knew I couldn’t wait and as I was making my way there, my parents screaming at me to come back, I passed out and narrowly missed the pool.

My two 9 and 11 are always rummaging about the fridge and cupboards for snacks. Especially my 11 year old. The lunch box stuff, I hide as they would scoff their way through it, especially after school when they come home starving.

@ TwinsandTrifle you are deluded, and you are clearly being played by your teenager.

No, he is not starving. He has an appetite for yet more food, but starving is the kind of over dramatic language which teenagers use and parents like you latch on to in order to assume that you have to provide a bottomless pit of food, and that if they eat it all then you haven’t provided enough.

This is bullshit. The more you eat, the more your body adjusts, and the more you are able to eat.

Case in point. Years and years ago I went on holiday with my now eXH. We went to Denny’s diner for breakfast, and decided we would have a decent breakfast so we didn’t have to grab lunch in the parks throughout the day. So I had the “grand slam,” which consisted of “2 eggs, 2 bacon, 2 sausages, and 2 pancakes, all for just 2.99”

I ate it and felt really quite ill afterwards. However, by the end of the week I could eat it quite easily.

One of the reasons why obesity is such a huge problem is because A, we have lost all perspective wrt portion sizes, and B, the fact that we eat more means we adjust to eating more and then want more.

Your son had 4 slices of toast plus eggs for breakfast. He may dramatically say that he is “starving,” but he really isn’t. And tbh all this pandering and crying neglect over children who are clearly fed sufficiently is an insult to families where they really can’t afford to feed their children and where the children actually do go hungry.

Just get her dad to replace the food, he's supposed to be raising her.

Hide the food you buy for the packed lunches

No you shouldn’t have to, but if she is going to ignore your requests then that’s what you need to do

I would also stop buying just for her, she eats what everyone else does, has some fruit if still hungry and can drink tap water

@TwinsAndTrifle

The OP has said that the daughter refuses to actually make herself something to eat even though there is food in the house.

Yes, so she's not making a sandwich, which would go in the packed lunches, we don't know what she's actually eating. OP hasn't answered.

We do know that the food bought for her is gone immediately, and she's still hungry. The food being bought for her isn't sustaining her. It's very easy to buy something that would last me a week, DS13 the same thing would last him two days. The answer isn't "well, I bought you that, it's gone, and it was enough because it would have been enough for me". It's not enough for her. You then don't provide insufficient food for one child and get mad that they've eaten the food for another. There are adequate snacks evidently for the other children, but there aren't for her. That's not right.

But she clearly isn't hungry... because she can't be bothered to make a sandwich or beans on toast or whatever..

Sounds like she's going for the easy options. Probably stuff like babybel, yogurts, crisps, cereal bars etc all stuff you might put in a packed lunch.

This girl has enough food, but sounds like she's being a selfish and lazy mare.

I'll out £50 on the fact the girl is just being lazy,