DSD eating all my kids pack up food

[ChocolateFlamingo]

I'm getting really annoyed now. DSD is 16 and she keeps helping herself to the food I buy for my kids packed lunches for school!!
Now they don't have enough for tomorrow or Friday!!
I can't afford to keep forking out, she gets bought her own food but she stuffs it all at once and then moans that there's nothing for her to eat!!
Am I right to feel frustrated here?

Your son had 4 slices of toast plus eggs for breakfast. He may dramatically say that he is “starving,” but he really isn’t.

For goodness sake, I'm well aware he's not starving

He is however, hungry. The size of a beanpole. And if he's hungry, he has his lunch. Far more than I'd eat.

I'm not being played. I just feed a teenager appropriately, not ignore them saying they're hungry, get no further food, because what I deem enough for a week, has realistically gone by Tuesday, then get mad because he's eaten all that's left.... because he's hungry

He's not playing me in any respect. He has adequate food. As a parent that's my job to ensure.

then get mad because he's eaten all that's left.... because he's hungry

If what was left was his siblings lunch for the next day then he wouldn't have eaten it because he's hungry. He'd have eaten it because he's selfish.

I’m assuming this child is given 3 meals a day, that there is bread and fruit available?

All we seem to know ks that the DSD has her own allocation of food which dissappears rapidly, and that she won't make herself anything sonks eatkng the snacks she is finding in the house and which are intended for others.

Nowhere has the OP said that she actually prepares a family meal which the teen also eats. (And I know a family who never has meals altogether).So if there are not 3 meals a day and she is just eating snacks then it is little wonder she is hungry.

@TwinsandTrifle

Your son had 4 slices of toast plus eggs for breakfast. He may dramatically say that he is “starving,” but he really isn’t.

For goodness sake, I'm well aware he's not starving

He is however, hungry. The size of a beanpole. And if he's hungry, he has his lunch. Far more than I'd eat.

I'm not being played. I just feed a teenager appropriately, not ignore them saying they're hungry, get no further food, because what I deem enough for a week, has realistically gone by Tuesday, then get mad because he's eaten all that's left.... because he's hungry

He's not playing me in any respect. He has adequate food. As a parent that's my job to ensure.

Being hungry doesn't mean that you need more food though. As pp have mentioned your stomach expands and your body releases hunger hormones in relation to what's available. People eat for many reasons other than hunger including boredom and a craving for sugar. It's a habit. That's why so many people are overweight obese, because they don't understand how their body reacts to food.

In the OP's case the girl just eating the snacks doesn't mean she's hungry. She just wants the snacks because they're snacks (as she ignores other food). It's like opening the fridge door, seeing chocolates that you like and hoovering them up.

She's not hungry it's just the urge to eat them.

This is the EXACT same behaviour that we get MN complaints about. 'DH has eaten all the treats and nice things - is he selfish?/ Answer a resounding YES.

But when a teenager does it and deprives younger children of their food it's acceptable?

In a family you have to make sure the food goes round. If there is no food left you don't eat someone else's lunch. You say to your parent, there is no food left, what is it ok for me to eat? The parent (in this case dad) then usually goes, ah make yourself a fish finger sandwich/baked potato/instant noodle/go to the shop and get what you fancy.

She won't go and replace them, she'll just point blank refuse and there's no way for me to make her. what a nasty person. I don't think she likes her siblings much.

Nowhere has the OP said that she actually prepares a family meal which the teen also eats. (And I know a family who never has meals altogether).So if there are not 3 meals a day and she is just eating snacks then it is little wonder she is hungry.

Once more with feeling, the DSD has a father. Women like the OP aren't the default house elf.

This thread is completely baffling me. The amount of people who think it’s fine for kids to help themselves to whatever and there should be an unlimited amount of snacks shocks me.

All of the kids in this house will regularly come asking for stuff such as ‘can I have an ice cream/chocolate?’ 15 mins before tea. When the answer is no, teas soon, but you can have an apple, suddenly they aren’t hungry!!

If we allowed all the kids to have what they wanted whenever they wanted 1. They’d never eat their meals 2. We’d be spending close to £1000 a month on food 3. They’d eat crap and not much else! 4. They’d all be either overweight or extremely unhealthy.

My DD will get chocolate at Easter and hers can be gone in a week. One of the other kids may have it left for a month. Should we get her more? Because hers is not enough?? No absolutely not!

If this 16 year old is getting 3 meals a day provided plus access to some snacks, a balance of snacks, plus she’s earning her own money so can buy treats, there is no reason she should be eating other peoples food.

Sounds very much like she’s bored/a bit peckish, goes to the fridge, sees yoghurts/biscuit bars/cereal bars/crisps etc and whilst there is also bread tor toast, fruit, maybe pasta or something she would prefer not to have to make anything or eat the less appealing stuff so it taking the pack up stuff.

Pack ups are not just sandwiches so I don’t know why that’s been brought up a million times. It’s a mix of things, some prepared and some not.

Yes teens eat a lot but it doesn’t mean they should be provided for whenever they are hungry. My SC would eat for England (not a teen) but they are also a little overweight, they are moaning constantly that they are hungry, they aren’t, but they want to eat rubbish, if we didn’t stop them, they’d be hugely overweight and unhealthy.

Yes of course they have to have boundaries! This isn’t a child eating out a bin! This is a greedy teen who wants to eat whatever they want and isn’t having to suffer any consequences or inconvenience to do so, so carries on.

@TwinsandTrifle

Your son had 4 slices of toast plus eggs for breakfast. He may dramatically say that he is “starving,” but he really isn’t.

For goodness sake, I'm well aware he's not starving

He is however, hungry. The size of a beanpole. And if he's hungry, he has his lunch. Far more than I'd eat.

I'm not being played. I just feed a teenager appropriately, not ignore them saying they're hungry, get no further food, because what I deem enough for a week, has realistically gone by Tuesday, then get mad because he's eaten all that's left.... because he's hungry

He's not playing me in any respect. He has adequate food. As a parent that's my job to ensure.

If he’s having 4 slices of toast and eggs and then heading to subway I would suggest you are provided more than adequate food.

Just because a teen says they are hungry doesn’t mean they are. He’s not hungry after all that. He may think he is, it sounds like he’s got used to overeating, so not surprising he’s saying he is. Doesn’t mean it’s right to do that, doesn’t mean you should be encouraging it for fear of him starving.

There is nothing wrong with teaching good food habits and these aren’t it. Just because he’s a bean pole doesn’t mean it’s healthy to do that.

I could easily eat a big meal and then if presented with a cake I would eat it. Or I may go looking in the fridge for a chocolate bar, I have been known to say to my partner ‘I’m still hungry’ but in reality I’m not, i just want something nice. And I also get used to doing this and into bad habits.

Kids do this too. My kids are also bean poles but I still try to teach them good food habits because I want them to eat a balance and not just crap for the sake of it. Or eating for the sake of it.

@Blendiful

This thread is completely baffling me. The amount of people who think it’s fine for kids to help themselves to whatever and there should be an unlimited amount of snacks shocks me.

All of the kids in this house will regularly come asking for stuff such as ‘can I have an ice cream/chocolate?’ 15 mins before tea. When the answer is no, teas soon, but you can have an apple, suddenly they aren’t hungry!!

If we allowed all the kids to have what they wanted whenever they wanted 1. They’d never eat their meals 2. We’d be spending close to £1000 a month on food 3. They’d eat crap and not much else! 4. They’d all be either overweight or extremely unhealthy.

My DD will get chocolate at Easter and hers can be gone in a week. One of the other kids may have it left for a month. Should we get her more? Because hers is not enough?? No absolutely not!

If this 16 year old is getting 3 meals a day provided plus access to some snacks, a balance of snacks, plus she’s earning her own money so can buy treats, there is no reason she should be eating other peoples food.

Sounds very much like she’s bored/a bit peckish, goes to the fridge, sees yoghurts/biscuit bars/cereal bars/crisps etc and whilst there is also bread tor toast, fruit, maybe pasta or something she would prefer not to have to make anything or eat the less appealing stuff so it taking the pack up stuff.

Pack ups are not just sandwiches so I don’t know why that’s been brought up a million times. It’s a mix of things, some prepared and some not.

Yes teens eat a lot but it doesn’t mean they should be provided for whenever they are hungry. My SC would eat for England (not a teen) but they are also a little overweight, they are moaning constantly that they are hungry, they aren’t, but they want to eat rubbish, if we didn’t stop them, they’d be hugely overweight and unhealthy.

Yes of course they have to have boundaries! This isn’t a child eating out a bin! This is a greedy teen who wants to eat whatever they want and isn’t having to suffer any consequences or inconvenience to do so, so carries on.

And we wonder why we have such a big obesity problem in the UK... because more people aren't like you

Once more with feeling, the DSD has a father. Women like the OP aren't the default house elf.

Ha! I'm going to use this one next time I'm asked to do something their dad should be doing.

Feel free @Uramaki

Doesn’t mean it’s right to do that, doesn’t mean you should be encouraging it for fear of him starving.

I don't encourage him for fear of starving Jeeez.

After a breakfast of that size, he's still hungry a couple of hours later. He eats a big variety of food. Because I keep that in the house. And he's underweight for his age. He wasn't like it a couple of years ago. He's a teen and their appetites can be drastically underestimated apparently.

He's neither greedy. Or starving. Just a normal, hungry, 13yr old boy.

And if I didn't have enough food that was allowable for him to eat, my attitude wouldn't be, well, go hungry, greedy boy. I'd buy more food. Why this means it has to be junk, I'm not sure. And yes, he can be lazy too, as PP have pointed out, teens are frequently lazy as well as having huge appetites. That's why he has fruit, chicken slices, quiche slices, as well as crisps. Simple, easy, done.

I remember being younger and being at my aunt's house and we had roast dinner, then steamed chocolate pud. I had extra roasties. Then pudding. And I was still hungry. So I had seconds.

I can still remember her looking appalled at me "you want more??"

That stuck with me for years and I'd order smaller things than I'd like from a menu, and go home hungry and make myself something extra, in case the company I was with thought I was a glutton too. I'm a 6-8. Even now, I only feel comfortable eating what I want once I've got to really know and trust someone.

Be careful who you call greedy.

Omg - I had this exact experience when staying at an aunts house. I didn’t ask for more, just cleared my plate quicker than the other (younger) children. I remember her laughing with my other aunt about how much I ate and that I ate more than a grown man.

I was 11. I will never forget the feeling of shame.

If this 16 year old is getting 3 meals a day provided plus access to some snacks, a balance of snacks, plus she’s earning her own money so can buy treats, there is no reason she should be eating other peoples food.

My point entirely. So before she's written off as lazy and greedy, perhaps explore the possibility that what she has access to, might not be enough.

Because no, somethings not adding up if all that is true and she's still doing it.

Omg - I had this exact experience when staying at an aunts house. I didn’t ask for more, just cleared my plate quicker than the other (younger) children. I remember her laughing with my other aunt about how much I ate and that I ate more than a grown man.

I was 11. I will never forget the feeling of shame.

Sorry this happened to you too. It's a horrible feeling isn't it. I'd hate it to be the case here. So, please, OP, try upping her "allowance" of food, and see what effect that has. Is she too embarrassed to ask for more than what's she's been allowed, because it's "greedy" to need more.

Is she slim or overweight? If she's slim, buy her more food. She obviously needs the calories. If she's overweight and eating more than her body requires then use some of the strategies suggested for putting boundaries around food consumption.

Is she slim or overweight? If she's slim, buy her more food. She obviously needs the calories. If she's overweight and eating more than her body requires then use some of the strategies suggested for putting boundaries around food consumption.

Very much so. If she's obese (which you'll know), or has an eating disorder (which you might not) or if she needs extra calories, all require a different plan of action.

And the latter two have nothing to do with being greedy, and it can be very damaging to be labelled as such.

I was skinny as a rake in my teens and my diet was shit. I did eat all my meals but then ate sweets and crap for the rest of the time. A constant supply of snack food. All junk, sugar and ultra processed crap. I was really unhealthy.
Being slim didn't mean I was healthy. Nor did it mean I was underfed or starving.

I was greedy. I had no self control. But hey, I was at least active. Constantly on my feet at work so I had the funds to buy 4 or 5 chocolate bars from the school tuck shop every day. (And back in my day, they were a proper size chocolate bar!)

Teens are greedy. The OP has said the girl is fed and has a selection of her own snacks. I can almost guarantee that there are plenty of real food alternatives for a hungry young adult other than her siblings packed lunches cartons of juice, cereal bars, yoghurts or whatever else she is guzzling up. I just bet she's not in the mood to whip up a quick pasta dish or make herself some beans on toast.

Are you or your DH providing enough food for your children, regardless if they're step or not op? It's very strange to have food rationed and compartmentalised for different kids. Food controlling (unless child is obese) and shaming results in mh problems, especially in teenagers. Just buy enough and tell DH to help pay. If she prefers easy food, as long as healthy (which I assume it is as you're providing them for lunchboxes) so be it. What is the huge problem here? She's not a lodger for goodness sake.

@Teenyton

Are you or your DH providing enough food for your children, regardless if they're step or not op? It's very strange to have food rationed and compartmentalised for different kids. Food controlling (unless child is obese) and shaming results in mh problems, especially in teenagers. Just buy enough and tell DH to help pay. If she prefers easy food, as long as healthy (which I assume it is as you're providing them for lunchboxes) so be it. What is the huge problem here? She's not a lodger for goodness sake.

Pre prepared snacks are often more expensive so no it's not really a case of it making no difference at all. Sometimes you should just have a slice of toast.

But also there's nothing about having food that is off limits as it's for lunch boxes. That's not controlling behaviour, that's basic consideration.

Why is the 16 year old not also getting packed lunches made for her?

@Ideasplease322

Why is the 16 year old not also getting packed lunches made for her?

Because she is not 9, 7 or 3? Sounds like she likes to go and buy mcdonalds instead.

"But also there's nothing about having food that is off limits as it's for lunch boxes. That's not controlling behaviour, that's basic consideration."

Sorry don't agree....

Sorry don't agree....

You disagree that it isn't controlling to have food planned and set aside for lunch boxes the following day?