DSD eating all my kids pack up food

[ChocolateFlamingo]

I'm getting really annoyed now. DSD is 16 and she keeps helping herself to the food I buy for my kids packed lunches for school!!
Now they don't have enough for tomorrow or Friday!!
I can't afford to keep forking out, she gets bought her own food but she stuffs it all at once and then moans that there's nothing for her to eat!!
Am I right to feel frustrated here?

@Ideasplease322

Diddl

Growing up, certainly by 16, we were making our own lunches and breakfasts- parents worked. In fact we made family dinners.

We weren’t allowed to eat food that was designated for guests etc but could help our selves to the fruit bowl and arrange our own meals. It wouldn’t have worked to ask permission for food - parents worked, we would have starved. Parents also by that age would have left us for a weekend.

What did you do when your parents were out? How did you cope when you lived independently?

Well yes I mean by 16 we pretty much knew what was what I guess or when the shopping was done we would be told not to eat something as it was for a particular "event".

I suppose it was more if there wasn't much of something left we would ask if it was OK to finish it.

There was usually a block of cheese/sliced meat but it wouldn't occur to us just to eat that rather than make a sandwich/cheese on toast!

I think it was mainly about just checking that food didn't have a designated purpose!

Obviously when I lived independently I bought what I wanted & ate it when I wanted!

Sorry I meant when you lived independently did you go wild with food after having to seek permission l? We’re you able to prepare meals yourself and decide what you wanted?

Was all that freedom a shock!

I suppose with working parents from 12 we we managed our own dietary needs and by 17 we’re doing the family shop regularly. Asking for permission seems so alien to the way I was brought up so just interested in how it impacted your relationship with food.

I think by the time I left home things weren't as strict as they had been.

Maybe they weren't that strict by 16-i can't remember tbh.

Perhaps by then it was just habit to ask?

I think overall it was just about being sensible & considerate to others in the household.

So for example eating half a packet of biscuits to yourself probably wasn't the thing to do!

I can't imagine a world where I'd refuse my child food, well I can but what a heartbreaking position to be in. So with DH, you need to find a way to make sure she can eat as she chooses, whilst ensuring you have what you need for packed lunches.

This isn't about DSD, but about there not being the right supplies in. Perfectly reasonable to ask her to leave what you need for lunches, but there needs to be something for her too. And yes, teens are bottomless pits.

Thank diddl - so interesting to see how different households work.

I guess I was a typical latch key kid who fended for her self - particularly in the school holidays.

But as you say, I wouldn’t have eaten all the biscuits etc - but yoghurts, fruit, toast etc were all snacks I could take when I wanted

It sounds like your DH/DP is not providing for his children properly. If he has spare money, you should not be on limited food. I think you need to buy a lot more food and have separate cupboard tucked away that you can restock from.

Why does she need to eat the food that you have in for packed lunches? Why are there no snacks etc there for her to eat?

There's loads of food in my house. Snack food, junk food and actual filling food. My teen will try to devour all the snacks and junk but wouldn't bother her arse about the actual food that would sort her hunger out. Teens aren't necessarily always hungry but they definitely are greedy and my DD will happily admit to this. I was a teen too. Pretty sure I'd have demolished a multipack of crisps from boredom alone.

I do have boundaries though and DD won't eat food earmarked for certain things or go nuts leaving none for the other family members. We also have an ask first policy in this house. It stops one kid devouring all the yoghurts etc. It also ensures they're not ruining their dinners, taking the absolute piss like your SD or eating all the crap stuff and ruining their health. It also means that the lunch things are left alone.

OP, you need to send your DH out to rebuy the packed lunch things every single time. And in future put the rest in a lock box seeing that your DH won't parent his own daughter who doesn't give a fuck if her siblings get to eat or not.

@Cooldryplace

I can't imagine a world where I'd refuse my child food, well I can but what a heartbreaking position to be in. So with DH, you need to find a way to make sure she can eat as she chooses, whilst ensuring you have what you need for packed lunches.

This isn't about DSD, but about there not being the right supplies in. Perfectly reasonable to ask her to leave what you need for lunches, but there needs to be something for her too. And yes, teens are bottomless pits.

Of course you refuse a child food!!!! You refuse them sugary snacks!!! Otherwise they wouldn't eat anything else!!!

It sounds to me like the OP's DSD is eating the other kids' nice snacks, after eating hers, instead of grabbing an healthier option. I'm pretty sure the OP has other food in her house: yogurt, fruit, sliced bread to make a sandwich..... but crisps and treats are more interesting....

@Cooldryplace

I can't imagine a world where I'd refuse my child food, well I can but what a heartbreaking position to be in. So with DH, you need to find a way to make sure she can eat as she chooses, whilst ensuring you have what you need for packed lunches.

This isn't about DSD, but about there not being the right supplies in. Perfectly reasonable to ask her to leave what you need for lunches, but there needs to be something for her too. And yes, teens are bottomless pits.

Eeerm if my parents ensured I could always eat as I chose as a teenager, I'd be rolling down the street by now. There's a balance to be struck of course and it's not good if OP and her husband are severely under stocking food, but honestly, you do not need to be heartbroken at the mere notion of denying a child food. That is a core part of parenting.

I'm pretty sure the OP has other food in her house: yogurt, fruit, sliced bread to make a sandwich..... but crisps and treats are more interesting....

It's been asked several times what alternatives are there that she's bypassing and solely eating the packed lunch snacks. OP hasn't answered this. Or said what these packed lunch items are that she's eating.

It sounds very much like she's hungry and the food bought as "hers" is not enough, so she's eating the only thing left. If it's a repeat thing, it seems pretty obvious that she needs more food that she is allowed to eat! Not expecting her to go hungry because there's no food for her and getting angry that she eats the only thing available.

The children shouldn't go without their lunch. The teen shouldn't go without food either. It's seems that what's actually required for both, isn't being provided.

If there's nothing in my fridge but snacks for the twins, DS hasn't eaten their food. He's eaten the only food available. If I got enough for him, he wouldn't be faced with that as the only option, or go hungry himself.

grey12
I have an adult relative that does that.
Their hunger only seems to mean polishing off snack type foods. If there's no snacks in then magically their hunger goes away because it's too much effort to make a sandwich, or toast, or cook something. Even if they add snacks for them to the shop, once they go they'll happily dive into other things that other members of the household might want to enjoy. They'll go to the kitchen and have a rummage for snacks just to see if there's anything there worth eating, but if they don't find any easy treat foods, they don't bother making anything, nor do they eat the fruit or healthy options. To me that means they're not actually hungry. It's greedy snacking and showing no consideration to the rest of their family.

Jesus Christ what a load of hysteria on this thread.

The OP has said that the daughter refuses to actually make herself something to eat even though there is food in the house.

She chooses what snacks she wants buying from the shops then eats those but when they’re all gone then she eats the food for the other children’s packed lunches.

She has a job and spends all her money on McDonalds etc.

And people still think that the OP is starving this poor child just because she’s a greedy little shit with no consideration what so ever for the fact that there are others in the house apart from her.

Being a teenager doesn’t mean you do and eat whatever the hell you like and cry hunger even if you’ve eaten a family pack of crisps and several packets of biscuits.

Just because she’s eating the snacks doesn’t mean that there isn’t enough food in the house. It likely means that there isn’t enough of the kind of food she thinks she’s entitled to.

It’s little wonder that there is an obesity epidemic in this country when not being able to be as greedy and selfish as you like equals your parents must be responsible for letting you go hungry.

FGS.

@LolaSmiles  yeah, I think there's a lot of people like that actually!

Sometimes my kids try to do that, saying they're hungry but just for treats. My parents used to say: if you're not hungry to eat your soup you're not really hungry  same philosophy for my kids. They can eat fruit if they want. Treats are for after dinner if they eat their dinner well

It sounds very much like she's hungry and the food bought as "hers" is not enough, so she's eating the only thing left. If it's a repeat thing, it seems pretty obvious that she needs more food that she is allowed to eat! Not expecting her to go hungry because there's no food for her and getting angry that she eats the only thing available. The children shouldn't go without their lunch. The teen shouldn't go without food either. It's seems that what's actually required for both, isn't being provided. If there's nothing in my fridge but snacks for the twins, DS hasn't eaten their food. He's eaten the only food available. If I got enough for him, he wouldn't be faced with that as the only option, or go hungry himself.

Tbh I don't agree with this assessment people are trying to promote that she isn't misbehaving. In your analogy above, even if it's the only food available, he would STILL have eaten their food. Provided the teen has had dinner so is not starving, they do not "need" a snack enough to justify taking their siblings packed lunch. And if they WERE genuinely that hungry, then they should have said "mum/dad I'm really hungry, what can I eat/rustle up", not just help themselves to food they KNOW is supposed to be packed lunches for their younger siblings, without even telling anybody, leaving everyone else in the position where they may find out there is nothing left too late to go out and buy something (in the morning before school) and the children may not be able to get food from another source when they are there.

I think people are so focused on the "teens need lots of food" argument, they are ignoring and excusing what is actually really bad behaviour here. She doesn't have no choice but to take that food just because there are no other snacks she wants to eat. She does have a choice and, hungry or not, she is making the wrong one.

The OP has said that the daughter refuses to actually make herself something to eat even though there is food in the house.

Yes, so she's not making a sandwich, which would go in the packed lunches, we don't know what she's actually eating. OP hasn't answered.

We do know that the food bought for her is gone immediately, and she's still hungry. The food being bought for her isn't sustaining her. It's very easy to buy something that would last me a week, DS13 the same thing would last him two days. The answer isn't "well, I bought you that, it's gone, and it was enough because it would have been enough for me". It's not enough for her. You then don't provide insufficient food for one child and get mad that they've eaten the food for another. There are adequate snacks evidently for the other children, but there aren't for her. That's not right.

Ds 17 has a mini fridge in his room!! Water bottles and crap in there!! Younger siblings know to keep out!!
Ime letting the other dc at her stuff may teach her a lesson...

We do know that the food bought for her is gone immediately, and she's still hungry. The food being bought for her isn't sustaining her. It's very easy to buy something that would last me a week, DS13 the same thing would last him two days. The answer isn't "well, I bought you that, it's gone, and it was enough because it would have been enough for me". It's not enough for her. You then don't provide insufficient food for one child and get mad that they've eaten the food for another. There are adequate snacks evidently for the other children, but there aren't for her. That's not right. so just because the OP hasn’t given you a list of what food there is this child is being starved?

There are people on this thread who will buy several packets of biscuits and they’ll all be gone within a day. While in some instances it is hunger, in most instances it is pure greed.

I’m assuming this child is given 3 meals a day, that there is bread and fruit available? Nowhere has the OP stated that her children have snacks for their lunches and this child is given nothing.

She has stated that the child tells them what she wants from the shops and it is bought for her. And that she then eats it and stuffs herself on McDonald’s with the money she earns from her job.

If there is actually food that can be made in the house then not buying hundreds of packets of snacks isn’t neglectful.

Most kids will eat the crisps and the biscuits in favour of the fruit. Well tough shit. If they’re genuinely hungry they’ll eat the fruit. Or make some toast, or ask if they can make something else.

"but yoghurts, fruit, toast etc were all snacks I could take when I wanted"

Oh yes, same here.

There was also a bakery just down the road so we never ran out of bread!

And we did buy the occasional egg custards & cream horns as a "treat".

Whereas now that's just stuff that a lot of people would throw in with the weekly shop.

Mum also often baked-jam tarts & lemon curd tarts were almost always in the "biscuit" tin!

So there was stuff about!

We do know that the food bought for her is gone immediately, and she's still hungry. The food being bought for her isn't sustaining her. It's very easy to buy something that would last me a week, DS13 the same thing would last him two days. The answer isn't "well, I bought you that, it's gone, and it was enough because it would have been enough for me". It's not enough for her. You then don't provide insufficient food for one child and get mad that they've eaten the food for another. There are adequate snacks evidently for the other children, but there aren't for her. That's not right

But the food for the other kids aren't snacks, they're meals. Meals take priority over snacks. Snacks are a luxury, not a necessity, assuming you are having three meals a day. It isn't fair enough for her to help herself to other people's meals because she wants more snacks.

And that's not even considering the fact that A) there will be other food in that she isn't utilising and B) children do overindulge and fail to pace herself. She doesn't necessarily NEED to be bought the amount of snacks she would eat if she could, it is quite likely she would eat far too much out of greed.

@AlternativePerspective

It’s little wonder that there is an obesity epidemic in this country when not being able to be as greedy and selfish as you like equals your parents must be responsible for letting you go hungry.

FGS.

Yep. It's astounding that people are disgusted that a teenager can't walk into a kitchen and eat every bit of snack food she likes including other's packed lunch bits (and if she's anything like me or my eldest, that includes grabbing a cheeky rolled up couple of slices of ham or other cold meats or munching on the cherry tomatoes every single time you open the fridge) and claiming that the poor child must be being starved half to death. I'm guessing they are also lamenting the UK's obesity crisis in the next breath.

I'm very confused about this "her food " . I get the thing about certain snacks for lunches etc though . Sounds like you need to have a firm word . You have my sympathy though as I know what it is like to get the things they like ( then they stop eating them ) and them asking for stuff that we just do not have or would buy . I used to try to be perfect and cater - now I 'm meh ! Considering their mother doesn't cook I think Im doing pretty good.

I’m assuming this child is given 3 meals a day, that there is bread and fruit available? Nowhere has the OP stated that her children have snacks for their lunches and this child is given nothing.

We don't actually know. It's been asked several times. We know the girl asks for things from the supermarket. She eats these rapidly. We don't know what's available to her after that. Just that she's home alone during the day, and that's when OP, on returning, sees the packed lunch stuff is gone.

She has stated that the child tells them what she wants from the shops and it is bought for her. And that she then eats it and stuffs herself on McDonald’s with the money she earns from her job.

So unless she's got an eating disorder, she's buying her own food on top already. My DS13 doesn't need to buy extra food than what's in the house because there's always enough for him

If there is actually food that can be made in the house then not buying hundreds of packets of snacks isn’t neglectful.

This is what I find confusing. OP says she's not making herself a sandwich. She's just grabbing ready made snacks. But says that she's eating all the children's packed lunches. So are these packed lunches comprised completely of snacks?? If what's more accurate, is that the packed lunches are sandwiches, fruit, carrot sticks, crisps and a chocolate bar, and she's eating all the crisps and the chocolate bar, then she hasn't eaten all their packed lunches. She's had the snack element. So buy one extra pack of chocolate bars. £2. And one extra variety pack of crisps. £2. And keep them elsewhere so she can't get to them. It's that easy. Teens are notoriously lazy and eat like horses. There are bigger problems in life when a solution like this is so easy. Yes, she should respect not eating them. If she's eating a whole family pack of crisps, on top of the food that's supposedly sufficient, in the space of OPs work shift, then that's more than laziness, she's hungry.

Most kids will eat the crisps and the biscuits in favour of the fruit. Well tough shit. If they’re genuinely hungry they’ll eat the fruit. Or make some toast, or ask if they can make something else.

Yep, I agree. I just find it odd that she's buying meals with her wages, and eating all these snacks, on top of what is claimed to be enough food for her.

If DS had a full breakfast, a full lunch, his own snacks, he wouldn't be buying himself additional burgers/meals, he wouldn't be eating every snack in the house. So it makes more sense, the meals aren't adequate. And she tips that up herself with extra meals. And what she can find in the house. And if all there is, is packed lunch snacks, then that's all she can choose from.

Teens are always hungry.

A good idea of yours to ask her dad to give you a bit more towards her food.