Nursery for new baby, takes away bedroom for DSS

[Biffasum11]

Hi All,

Just need some advice from those that have maybe been in my shoes. Me and my husband have been married 3 years and are now expecting our first baby together. My husband has a dauggter with another woman who is almost 7. I have been in DSD life since she was two. We live in a three bed semi and saved to buy it. Currently we have our master bedroom , our spare room that is my dressing room/ DSD room when she's here. She's is here once a month for the weekend due to distance. Her mum moved 300 miles away when she was 1 year old. Our third bedroom is a box room and is now an office due to me working from home. We only have a small lounge dinner and very small kitchen so I needed a dedicated work space. Now my baby arrival is fairly soon. I would love a nursery I have always envisioned a lovely space with a rocking chair and a cot with all their little bits. Realistically we do need the spare room space for the baby as our living space would be too small and cluttered to keep everything there. But this would mean DSD has no room at ours and would need to sleep on a blowup bed or on the sofa. I do feel awful but at the same time I would love to have a decorated nursery. We can't move right now as would mean paying large sum for early repayment for our fixed rate. And just makes little sense to throw away thousands and we wouldn't get a four bed for what we could afford once we pay those charges. Plus when it's just us two house size is no issue. Should I feel like I'm just evil ? Husband seems fine to make me a nursery and doesn't seem to have any guilt so should I just enjoy it and not overhthink?

Gosh seems a bit mean. Feel sorry for the little girl, dad not bothered and you don't seem to prioritise that's her house also. You need to get your head out of the precious first born cloud and get real a bit. My daughter didn't go into her room until 8 months old, it wasn't a big decorated nursery with delicately chosen canvasses, a rocking horse, and neutral grey and whites... She has a cot, chest of drawers and and basic furnishings. You either have to get rid of your office or your DSD and baby have to share. Imagine how she'd feel sleeping on a blow up bed. So mean.

Keep the box room as an office, your clothes go in your room and the other bedroom is shared by the baby and stepchild.

Also your baby couldn’t give two hoots about a pretty nursery.

I know people will claim that NASPALT need to put more thought into these things before the shack up with people who already have children.

It’s threads like these that make me feel like I could never leave DP. DS is 5 so could feasibly be the step son at age 7 who is made to feel like an inconvenience in the home of his father and made to sleep on the sofa. Poor child.

Make the second room into a nursery/bedroom for DSD and the baby. Do it up nicely, get a new bed for DSD and make it a nice surprise for her.

Can you split any of the rooms?

You have 2 children in your family. You have a 3 bed house.

Your options are the children share a room, or the office becomes a bedroom for one of the children, or one of your family's children shares with you. All children in your family need a bed.

Long term can you afford to convert the loft if you need an office space? Friends sacrificed the box room to fit in stairs up then fitted 2 bedrooms in the loft.

Basically you can't afford the lifestyle you want.

Currently we have our master bedroom , our spare room that is my dressing room/ DSD room when she's here. She's is here once a month for the weekend due to distance. Her mum moved 300 miles away when she was 1 year old. Our third bedroom is a box room and is now an office due to me working from home.

You have three bedroom and a lifestyle / priority problem.

You put your children - including your step daughter - first and then suck up how it affects your wardrobe space and office space.

I can't believe what I'm reading tbh.

@Biffasum11

I need my office for work long term if I'm honest, will be fine for my maternity but once I'm back I'd have to reclaim the space after 6 months ... a deck with my monitors and chair. A bed wont fit in there too.

You will need to put the office in the baby's bedroom/your bedroom or have the girls' share.

It's completely ludicrous and really quite awful to suggest a little girl sleeps on a blow up bed at Daddy's house whilst her little sister has her own room and her step Mum has two bedrooms. How would you feel if this was your daughter?!

I think you've got baby brain, girl. Rethink.

I would look at every other option before I took away her room, especially as it's a room she has to share already. She will feel unwelcome.

You have at least 6 months before you need to put your baby in its own room, that's plenty of time to get creative with storage.

Yeah my mum did this to me when she got remarried. She was not invited to my wedding.

Obviously a lot of stuff in between, but it's not difficult for a child to tell that they are no longer their parent's priority

Also if you transferred your current mortgage deal to a new property (and borrowed more on same mortgage) you wouldn’t have to pay the ERCs so buy a bigger place if you can?!

I can't think of any other way to put this.....its a mean trick. your stepdaughter will feel that baby comes first and she is not a real part of the family. Give your head a wobble

I haven't seen your space but I would leave DSD in her bedroom and ditch the dressing room (move that into your own room). Have my nursery in the box room (I did, big cot, rocking chair, small chest of drawers, it was lovely) and have a desk in DSD room. When she isn't there great! When she is, your work stuff gets stashed somewhere else. Its a hassle but it's one weekend a month. DSD could have a lovely academic looking bookcase in her room so your backdrop is sorted.

Google study beds. They are proper sized desks that turn in to a bed. They aren't cheap but are less than an extension. The other option is to make a nice shared room you really can't chuck her out on to a blow up mattress. 2 kids in a 3 bed is normal if you were in local authority housing you'd be nowhere near overcrowded.

I agree with everyone else. Children having space to sleep takes priority over a dressing room or home office.
Either you let the children share the bigger bedroom or section a bit of it off as an office and the rest as dsd bedroom and baby gets the boxroom.
The possibility of leaving dsd without a bedroom is completely unacceptable.

Ds works from home. We don’t have any space as an office space. He works from the sofa, as all the bedrooms are occupied.

There’s your answer.

Biffasum, your baby is not here yet and most people have their babies sleeping in their room (if not their bed), for the first year, so you have time. I expect many of us had dreams of a nursery with all sorts of nice things in it but those plans went out the window when our babies were born.

Your stepdaughter needs her own space when she is with you, which isn't very often. I think you can facilitate that being as she doesn't live with you all the time. She certainly should not give up her bed. You have to make some compromises for a quite a while.

In time your circumstances will change, you may have another baby, and be able to afford a bigger house or, if possible, extend the one you have.

Good luck, I bet you are excited now your baby is nearly due.

When you have a 3 bed house and two kids you can’t make one kid sleep on the sofa or floor.

Either the kids share the big room - high sleeper and cot, or the baby keeps her things in the office and the older girl gets the box room. You could use the living room as an office, invest in a garden office, have the office in the master bedroom, have the baby in the master bedroom. What you can’t do is tell a 7yo she has to sleep on the floor because the rooms are taken up with things.

Give her the office room and create an office space elsewhere, add a nice bed in to the nursery set up or keep new baby in with you like most presents do for the first decent chunk of time and leave the rest as it is. YAB totally U with your suggestion and shocked dh is allowing it. It's bad enough she's had to camp in your dressing room. Why couldn't you have had a dressing room/office and given her her own little space?!

Just no way I'm working under a bed that doesn't look like it's adult sized... I'm not Harry Potter. even Harry Potter had a an actual albeit bed under the stairs unlike your dsd.

@Shadedog

When you have a 3 bed house and two kids you can’t make one kid sleep on the sofa or floor.

Either the kids share the big room - high sleeper and cot, or the baby keeps her things in the office and the older girl gets the box room. You could use the living room as an office, invest in a garden office, have the office in the master bedroom, have the baby in the master bedroom. What you can’t do is tell a 7yo she has to sleep on the floor because the rooms are taken up with things.

rooms are taken up with things

this exactly People before things, way before!

*bed albeit under the stairs.

This happened to my ds at his dad's house. 3bed house and no bed for him ....they seem to think a fold up desk or fold up bed is beyond them , so they have their bedroom, their office and the baby's bedroom. I found out ds was sleeping on the sofa so he doesn't stay overnight there anymore, I get the feeling they are relieved ,and I suspect you and your husband will be too by the sounds of it