Nursery for new baby, takes away bedroom for DSS

[Biffasum11]

Hi All,

Just need some advice from those that have maybe been in my shoes. Me and my husband have been married 3 years and are now expecting our first baby together. My husband has a dauggter with another woman who is almost 7. I have been in DSD life since she was two. We live in a three bed semi and saved to buy it. Currently we have our master bedroom , our spare room that is my dressing room/ DSD room when she's here. She's is here once a month for the weekend due to distance. Her mum moved 300 miles away when she was 1 year old. Our third bedroom is a box room and is now an office due to me working from home. We only have a small lounge dinner and very small kitchen so I needed a dedicated work space. Now my baby arrival is fairly soon. I would love a nursery I have always envisioned a lovely space with a rocking chair and a cot with all their little bits. Realistically we do need the spare room space for the baby as our living space would be too small and cluttered to keep everything there. But this would mean DSD has no room at ours and would need to sleep on a blowup bed or on the sofa. I do feel awful but at the same time I would love to have a decorated nursery. We can't move right now as would mean paying large sum for early repayment for our fixed rate. And just makes little sense to throw away thousands and we wouldn't get a four bed for what we could afford once we pay those charges. Plus when it's just us two house size is no issue. Should I feel like I'm just evil ? Husband seems fine to make me a nursery and doesn't seem to have any guilt so should I just enjoy it and not overhthink?

@MyDcAreMarvel

Just no way I'm working under a bed that doesn't look like it's adult sized... I'm not Harry Potter. even Harry Potter had a an actual albeit bed under the stairs unlike your dsd.

And even Harry was eventually upgraded to the box room.

@RedToothBrush

Currently we have our master bedroom , our spare room that is my dressing room/ DSD room when she's here. She's is here once a month for the weekend due to distance. Her mum moved 300 miles away when she was 1 year old. Our third bedroom is a box room and is now an office due to me working from home.

You have three bedroom and a lifestyle / priority problem.

You put your children - including your step daughter - first and then suck up how it affects your wardrobe space and office space.

I can't believe what I'm reading tbh.

I tend to agree with this tbh.

IIWY this is what I would do: set work space up in your bedroom (if it's the 'master' bedroom it will be able to fit a desk in), have your 'dressing room' (!) as the baby's room and your dsd in the box room with a nice high sleeper.

FWIW I've been WFH for a decade and have had various work 'spaces' incl our bedroom and our kitchen table. It's fine.

I feel EXACTLY the same @AlohaMolly. The stuff you read on here would make you weep.

Over my dead body would my children ever become someone’s inconvenient part-time lodgers.

Is she excited about having a new sibling? Maybe she would be happy to share a room with the baby, if you are decorating a nursery you could incorporate a nice bed for her in with the theme, she might be happy to share? Just a thought x

@TotorosCatBus

Babies usually sleep with parents for the first 6-12 months.

It's fine for dsd to sleep in the nursery or your office but it would be unfair for her to sleep on the sofa when there are enough bedrooms really. M
What kind of nursery do you envision? It's possible to create a room that is decorated for children of 2 different ages.

But that room that's designed for 2 children doesn't fit into the dream nursery that OP has envisioned!! Couldn't possibly ask her to compromise for the wellbeing of a 7yo! After all, she needs the dream nursery, the dressing room and is SO very important that she works 10 hours a day and has 3 screens! I'm not important enough to have 3 screens. But then, I'm not over indulged and I live in the real world where children don't come below the shoe storage. OP needs a good slap of reality.

This is such a sad thread to read, your poor step daughter. How fortunate that she lives far enough away to be with her mother most of the time who, presumably, manages to provide her with a proper bed. Your and your husband need to take a long hard look at yourselves.

Yes, office in DSS's room (dressing room needs to go, get some extra storage somewhere) and box room for nursery. Realistically, babies don't sleep in their own room for at least 6 months, but typically not FT even as toddlers.

I work from home half the week and have for more than a decade. I work from the dining table and have a desk in my youngest dc's room because that's where I can shove a desk. You may do or you find a job where you can be office based if you can't make a home office work.

I am agog that someone who doesn't have multiple spare rooms has a dedicated dressing room. I have lived in a 5 bed with spare rooms and that did not occur to me.

What about a studybed/Murphy bed?

The studybed company are excellent. You can have a bed and an office in one small area.

Worth checking out.

@Lolacat1234 that’s a good idea. Make it a cute room for both girls.

www.made-to-last.co.uk/jaybe-crown-premier-single-folding-bed-with-sprung-mattress.html?gclid=Cj0KCQjwiqWHBhD2ARIsAPCDzamceKhg4il-dGmKSbE8SgrETjnFLL4oB2XDuHxufse9UG2HAflH80gaAt6MEALw_wcB

Or you invest in this and put it in her sister's room and pack it away every time she leaves and set it back up before she comes with her favourite bedding and all the things she loves surrounding her so she is entirely none the wiser she is wiped from the house for the sake of your handbags and macrame rainbows.

You don’t say how frequently you have your DSS over!!

That is critical information

How about converting a room in the loft? It can be done quite cheaply.

Oh sorry posted too soon!

@airbags

We are talking about 2/30 nights

Once a month?
Can’t be much of a relationship between father and daughter surely?

What happens over the summer holidays, Christmas etc?

I would use the box room as a nursery and keep DSD in the spare room but use that as your office too instead of a dressing room. Can you use your own master bedroom as a dressing room too?

You don't have a "spare room" it's your DDs room. Can you not use that for work as it sounds like she's only there on weekend days.

Box room can be the nursery. Maybe not ideal but a newborn isn't going to feel pushed out and unwanted over it

@SinkGirl

You have three bedrooms and two kids. There is no problem. DH works from home and so do I. His desk and many monitors is in our bedroom. I work from a table in our small open plan downstairs, and our twins share the small second bedroom. We don’t have space for an office for either of us so we don’t have one.

If you’re insistent on this (and it’s a terrible idea - you don’t need a dressing room so that becomes DSDs room and your office, baby in box room) then replace your sofa with a sofa bed and you and your DH sleep there while she stays in your room.

I think this is brilliant!

Put your office. Into your bedroom. Simple

Then you’ve got two rooms. One for baby. One for daughter.

Yes you should all move into one room and your own child should never have its own bedroom.
Seriously, mumsnet is full of shit sometimes!

We live in a 3 bed, DH has the box room as an office, DD had her room and then we have the master.

When WFH happened I could have kicked DD out of her room I suppose but that would be cruel so instead I set up a desk in the living room and that's where I work.

So my suggestion is that you need to find somewhere else to set up a desk and use your office as the nursery.

www.studybed.co.uk/

Forgot to post link earlier

Or get a shed as your work space

Presumably you will be happy with the same treatment for your baby if you split up with her father in the future.

I was going to say this.

Unfortunately, it seems like your office needs to be moved somewhere else. Kitchen, living room, your bedroom…?
I also work with large equipment and I can only fit it in the living room, meaning I don’t have space for a dining table - or in my room, meaning I barely have space to move around. But guess what, I can’t afford a bigger space either, so I make do with what I’ve got, without compromising the living arrangements of other people in the house. If no dining table is what it takes, then so be it. No one will die from having a smaller living space, having to eat in the kitchen, or getting changed in the bathroom. Flat so no garden either, but if you have one then I’d look into a temporary office you can put in there.