Nursery for new baby, takes away bedroom for DSS

[Biffasum11]

Hi All,

Just need some advice from those that have maybe been in my shoes. Me and my husband have been married 3 years and are now expecting our first baby together. My husband has a dauggter with another woman who is almost 7. I have been in DSD life since she was two. We live in a three bed semi and saved to buy it. Currently we have our master bedroom , our spare room that is my dressing room/ DSD room when she's here. She's is here once a month for the weekend due to distance. Her mum moved 300 miles away when she was 1 year old. Our third bedroom is a box room and is now an office due to me working from home. We only have a small lounge dinner and very small kitchen so I needed a dedicated work space. Now my baby arrival is fairly soon. I would love a nursery I have always envisioned a lovely space with a rocking chair and a cot with all their little bits. Realistically we do need the spare room space for the baby as our living space would be too small and cluttered to keep everything there. But this would mean DSD has no room at ours and would need to sleep on a blowup bed or on the sofa. I do feel awful but at the same time I would love to have a decorated nursery. We can't move right now as would mean paying large sum for early repayment for our fixed rate. And just makes little sense to throw away thousands and we wouldn't get a four bed for what we could afford once we pay those charges. Plus when it's just us two house size is no issue. Should I feel like I'm just evil ? Husband seems fine to make me a nursery and doesn't seem to have any guilt so should I just enjoy it and not overhthink?

@Biffasum11

I'm going to start the nursery this month and do some measuring a sofa bed may fit in the office if I get a new desk. I don't want a 2 year old in our room, not when there will be empty rooms in the house. That just doesn't make sense to me. 6 months yes and then start transisitioning to the cot.

A sofa bed? And it may fit in - what if it doesn’t? This girl isn’t getting a bed is she 🙁

I honestly hope the OP is fake
Same here. It's a brilliant first thread though and they've captured the self-obsessed persona very well.
The really sad thing is it might be real, and there's plenty of people out there who actually think men who sideline their children are ideal daddy material, whilst expecting the new children to be prioritised.

@Biffasum11

I'm going to start the nursery this month and do some measuring a sofa bed may fit in the office if I get a new desk. I don't want a 2 year old in our room, not when there will be empty rooms in the house. That just doesn't make sense to me. 6 months yes and then start transisitioning to the cot.

Ok so why do you need a cot then? You could continue as you are. Dress the office as a nursery.

Can't you put your desk in the dining space? Buy a fold away dining table. For two adults, a permanent dining table surely doesn't trump a decent bed for a child.

Or even just put a bed in the nursery. It really couldn’t be easier.

I’m hoping this is a wind up too or there’s going to be a little girl permanently estranged from her dad in a year or so.

I'm leaving this thread now because it's honestly too upsetting to keep reading your updates.

Your step-daughter needs her own space in her home with her Dad. Not a dedicated whole room to herself which stays empty 80 percent of the time but her OWN SPACE.

A space that has a place for her to leave her things there - clothes, toys, books. A bed which is her space to sleep but also to hang out and read etc - this is going to become increasingly important the older she gets. A space that she can come and spend more time in over the years to come.

She's not a visitor. This is one of her homes.

I bet she'd love to have just one home, just one bedroom and to have her parents both there all the time but as she doesn't get that she deserves to feel at home in both the places she lives.

Should I feel like I'm just evil ? Husband seems fine to make me a nursery and doesn't seem to have any guilt so should I just enjoy it and not overhthink? why are you even asking if your answer to everyone is yes I should just enjoy it?

Well good luck with that. You’re giving your daughter a beautiful nursery, but in doing so you’re basically depriving her of a sister because in a couple of years you won’t see this child anymore.

@Biffasum11

I'm going to start the nursery this month and do some measuring a sofa bed may fit in the office if I get a new desk. I don't want a 2 year old in our room, not when there will be empty rooms in the house. That just doesn't make sense to me. 6 months yes and then start transisitioning to the cot.

No need to have your Df as a 2yr in with you

Make her bedroom via your dressing room
/bedroom 2 and add single bed in as well for dsd

Yes you want your dc to have own bedroom But she won’t care sharing at 6/12/18/24mths for a year till uou move

Ok so can you get a desk that folds away ? Or something of that description?

I'm genuinely quite concerned about this girl and lack of bed tbh.

Madness that your DH isn't saying anything.

Do you realise how this will play out for our own DC. The SC will be rightly jealous and it will impact her view of your child. It's a shame really because your depriving your own child of a relationship that will always now be tainted. Your child will suffer the consequences of your actions. They will be at best rivals.

I'm sad I had to put this is a way that had to tie it back to things you care about.

Egh I can't even.

Possibly the most self entitled me me me diatribe I have seen on this forum.

Unusual to get SMs to unite in such an unequivocal fashion against a fellow SM. OP you should be applauded for invoking such a complete and utter condemnation of your actions.

OP you are a piss taker because your lack of empathy is quite unbelievable.
COI : My DCS SM ( and their DF for allowing it) moved the two of them out of their shared room, when their joint DC arrived and my DCS shared a single bed in the room with the washing machine and tumble dryer. I am unable to explain 8 years on - this still hurts them and has irrevocably damaged their relationship with their DF.

@Biffasum11

I'm going to start the nursery this month and do some measuring a sofa bed may fit in the office if I get a new desk. I don't want a 2 year old in our room, not when there will be empty rooms in the house. That just doesn't make sense to me. 6 months yes and then start transisitioning to the cot.

If you are intending to combine office and you DSD's room then I'd make the box room into the nursery. If you will move in a few years anyway then the baby will not need much space. Your DSD will need a proper single bed at her age.

I'm starting to think this can't be real. Each update suggests an unbelievable selfishness towards this child and extreme ignorance/unwillingness to engage with everyone's advice about the likely impact of the actions OP and DH are planning.

What is with the SMs on here atm. I don't know a single person with two kids in a three bed house that uses a bedroom either for a study or a dressing room. The kids take priority. You don't have room for this and if you need office space you need to fit that in somewhere else. Your SD only comes one weekend a month. Move the office into the bigger room - you won't be using it when she is there on weekend and put the baby in the box room. You need to lose the dressing room. In a three bed semi you can't expect to live like the real housewives of Cheshire

And this is why so many children lose contact with their dads when dad has them so little and step mum can't be arsed to help them feel at home.

Why can't the baby and sister share?

@whatthejiggeries you may find that there a hell of lot of SMs on here condemning the OP. We don't tar all mums with same stroke so can we stop doing it the other way around. This isn't a SM issue so much as OP being really selfish. SM or not

@MyOtherProfile no dads lose contact because they don't put in the effort or advocate for their kids, some need to grow a spine .If your dealing with a Disney dad or frankly a dad that doesn't want to deal, he leaves it to SM to all do the parenting. Which causes conflict and that's the bigger issue.

Can you not go back to the office once maternity leave is over ?

I'm baffled by all of this bollocks about having to have a nursery. How nice to have the option even if it means shoving your stepdaughter out of the room she shares with your clothing collection.

We lived in a one bedroom flat when DS1 was born. He was born at 24 weeks and it was extremely unlikely that he'd survive. Eventually, after 120 days in NICU, he came home. His crib was next to our bed and we decorated it as his own little corner with his name on the wall in stick-on letters and a musical mobile and cuddly toys. A nursery and rocking chair never even made it to the bottom of the list of our priorities. Oh and a few months later we moved house. Even though we were only part way through our fixed rate mortgage.

Any possibility of building a downstairs extension which DD can have as a room with a day bed/couch, so that it is a multi purpose playroom for both children.

Why can't the baby and sister share?

Because the mum wants a nursery with baby wallpaper that would be too young for the DSD. Well the wallpaper is the only difference I can see between a kids bedroom and a nursery.

Although to be fair in a 3 bed house 2 rooms and 3 uses.
Baby's, occaional Child and Office. It does make more sense to put the baby in the small room with the office and the other child sharing.

The girl is 7? So likely to have small bitty toys, not easy to keep them away from a baby in 6 or 7 months when baby is crawling around.

Someone further up suggested the second bedroom as a dual office and sd's room with a Murphy Bed. That seems like the best solution.

But I am very worried that the OP and her partner are ignoring the needs of the 7 year old. They don't seem to have any interest in her welfare or best interests. It's incredibly sad.

I'm afraid some do lose contact for that very reason @newomums but you're right, some need to grow a spine.

This dad needs to stand up for his daughter and OP needs to stop thinking her child is the only one who counts, before she turns them into a right diva by the time they are two.

I really don’t understand why the box room can’t be SDs room that “doubles up” as an office when SD isn’t there?

You can have a lovely chair bed in when it’s an office and then before SD comes you make it up into a bed, her teddies etc and then she feels she has a room but you aren’t having a “wasted” space for the rest of the month.

My friend does this, her SDs room is an office but before SD comes each fortnight she spends 30mins giving it a whizzy transformation swapping pictures and putting the bed out, putting SDs clothes on a tail which gets put away when she’s not there…. It’s a tiny faff to make sure everyone in the family has the space they need

It would be awful and quite unnecessary to make your DSD sleep downstairs when you have 3 bedrooms.

One child can have the box room and the bigger room can be a bedroom with a desk in it. Or both kids in the bigger room and the box room is your office. Or you can work in a different room in the house or a home office in the garden.