Nursery for new baby, takes away bedroom for DSS

[Biffasum11]

Hi All,

Just need some advice from those that have maybe been in my shoes. Me and my husband have been married 3 years and are now expecting our first baby together. My husband has a dauggter with another woman who is almost 7. I have been in DSD life since she was two. We live in a three bed semi and saved to buy it. Currently we have our master bedroom , our spare room that is my dressing room/ DSD room when she's here. She's is here once a month for the weekend due to distance. Her mum moved 300 miles away when she was 1 year old. Our third bedroom is a box room and is now an office due to me working from home. We only have a small lounge dinner and very small kitchen so I needed a dedicated work space. Now my baby arrival is fairly soon. I would love a nursery I have always envisioned a lovely space with a rocking chair and a cot with all their little bits. Realistically we do need the spare room space for the baby as our living space would be too small and cluttered to keep everything there. But this would mean DSD has no room at ours and would need to sleep on a blowup bed or on the sofa. I do feel awful but at the same time I would love to have a decorated nursery. We can't move right now as would mean paying large sum for early repayment for our fixed rate. And just makes little sense to throw away thousands and we wouldn't get a four bed for what we could afford once we pay those charges. Plus when it's just us two house size is no issue. Should I feel like I'm just evil ? Husband seems fine to make me a nursery and doesn't seem to have any guilt so should I just enjoy it and not overhthink?

A nursery is a right of passage? Since when? Nice if you have the space and all but in the real world not necessary in the slightest- how wet there are options to have the nursery and provide a bed for dsd by a nice day bed in nursery or make it a nursery /office once back at work and small room for dsd. In no way does a large room need used for a baby that probably won't sleep in it just because it would be nice to look at

Nothing says "you are not part of this family" like a blow up mattress and no personal space.

The obvious answer OP is your step daughter and the baby share a room. Nurseries are luxuries for people who have a bedroom per child.

No, this would be out of the question for us.

I assume you’ll be looking to have your DSD for more time as she gets a bit older? Weeks at a time during the holidays?

If your husband thinks the amount of time he has with her now is enough I think you were foolish to have a baby with him.

How he treats this child is how he’ll treat yours.

You are all wasting your breath

@mommabear2386

She should get to do a nursery up as it's a right of passage, she shouldnt have to give that up however there should be a out you bed in the other room for the SD. Then in a few years they can share again and she gets a full office back.

Absolute bollocks. What baby remembers their nursery? Parents have to parent all their children, and this dad is seriously failing.

Do you know what OP? You've decided to have a child and therefore need to deal with the space you've got. I had my DD in with me until she was 2 as we were doing renovations which included creating a bedroom for her. I didn't love it but it was necessary. Treat your DSD's needs as necessary.

Is having your parents split up, your dad shack up with someone else and demote you once he has a new family also a rite of passage?

@mommabear2386

She should get to do a nursery up as it's a right of passage, she shouldnt have to give that up however there should be a out you bed in the other room for the SD. Then in a few years they can share again and she gets a full office back.

It’s not a rite of passage. It’s a luxury you have if your house is big enough to accommodate it. Like a dressing room. Neither of them are essential or rites of passage - you may want to check what that term actually means @mommabear2386.

Is having your parents split up, your dad shack up with someone else and demote you once he has a new family also a rite of passage?

None of the above is on the OP.

The 'dressing-room' stuff is poor terminology, and gives a totally false impression - it suggests to me that the main bedroom is so small that the bed almost touches the wall on all sides!

The enclosed office with a lock on the door may be a non-negotiable with the OP's employer. Perhaps a temporary solution would be to rent office space locally and free up a bedroom.

Nursery as 'rite of passage'is simultaneously hilarious , ridiculous and very depressing.

Nothing says "you are not part of this family" like a blow up mattress and no personal space.

^ this. I'm a step mum and I'm so sad for your DSD.

@SpaceshiptoMars

Is having your parents split up, your dad shack up with someone else and demote you once he has a new family also a rite of passage?

None of the above is on the OP.

The 'dressing-room' stuff is poor terminology, and gives a totally false impression - it suggests to me that the main bedroom is so small that the bed almost touches the wall on all sides!

The enclosed office with a lock on the door may be a non-negotiable with the OP's employer. Perhaps a temporary solution would be to rent office space locally and free up a bedroom.

Renting a space is a good suggestion. It’s definitely not an op work requirement she have an enclosed office though or she’d have mentioned it by now as part of her journey to prove herself right at all costs

I do think having a nursery is a rite of passage it will be a place for not just the baby but me aswell. We live in a town house and so so have limited living space. DSD simply isn't here long enough to have a room dedicated to her. The room she has now is the guest room technically and where I get changed and get ready. So changing that to a bed that we can manoeuvre isnt that radical. Holidays she comes for a few extra days and we go on holiday mostly. On holiday we cannot afford a spectate room ... sorry guys and girls. I felt bad but reading these comments I just feel sad to be honest. I can't give everyone everything and it's the dad that has to insist really not me. If it was my child I wouldn't find this crazy so long as they are treated with love and fed and had a good time... what more is necessary

A nursery is not a rite of passage. Check out what it actually means.

dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/rite-of-passage

Still about you, isn’t it?

@Biffasum11

I do think having a nursery is a rite of passage it will be a place for not just the baby but me aswell. We live in a town house and so so have limited living space. DSD simply isn't here long enough to have a room dedicated to her. The room she has now is the guest room technically and where I get changed and get ready. So changing that to a bed that we can manoeuvre isnt that radical. Holidays she comes for a few extra days and we go on holiday mostly. On holiday we cannot afford a spectate room ... sorry guys and girls. I felt bad but reading these comments I just feel sad to be honest. I can't give everyone everything and it's the dad that has to insist really not me. If it was my child I wouldn't find this crazy so long as they are treated with love and fed and had a good time... what more is necessary

Completely contradicting yourself

All you need is love etc
But that only applies to your SC

For you and your baby - you need love AND own room

You can’t be for real, surely no one can be this self-centred
Your DSD is not a guest. It is her home. She doesn’t visit, she lives with you for part of the time. You don’t need to give her “everything” but she needs a proper bed.

A nursery is not a rite of passage. Loads of kids sleep with their parents for the first few months then share a room with a sibling.

If you are saying you only effectively have a 2 bedroom.house as the box room is your office, why did you not think this through when you decided to have a baby?

I would do as others suggest, find office space elsewhere, baby in box room, dsd in other bedroom. You can rethink it when baby is older.

@Biffasum11

I do think having a nursery is a rite of passage it will be a place for not just the baby but me aswell. We live in a town house and so so have limited living space. DSD simply isn't here long enough to have a room dedicated to her. The room she has now is the guest room technically and where I get changed and get ready. So changing that to a bed that we can manoeuvre isnt that radical. Holidays she comes for a few extra days and we go on holiday mostly. On holiday we cannot afford a spectate room ... sorry guys and girls. I felt bad but reading these comments I just feel sad to be honest. I can't give everyone everything and it's the dad that has to insist really not me. If it was my child I wouldn't find this crazy so long as they are treated with love and fed and had a good time... what more is necessary

God you’re just being awful. Yes of course the nursery is actually for you, we all bloody knew that. So it’s your bedroom, your office, your nursery and his daughter can just F off with herself?! So she kicked out of your dressing room because it’s becoming your nursery? Are you seriously taking life advice from wicked stepmoms in Disney movies? It’s not bloody hard to make a room that works for the baby and for the girl, the only thing stopping it is you being selfish. Giving the poor girl 50% consideration in ONE OF YOUR THREE BLOODY ROOMS is not having a room “dedicated” to her. Stop being so bloody selfish. Also your partner is a useless father, I hope you’re never on the other side of this

God your bullshit “all you need is to feed them” when it comes to his daughter, but you need a whole double room shrine to the fact you pushed a child out your fanny?! Grow up.

Nurseries as a rite of passage is hilarious!

The nursery is for instagram really isn't OP?

@Flowers500 ikr, in fact even Cinderella had her own room in the Disney film so providing a permanent space in a shared room is actually low bar by Disney stepmum standards!

[quote PattyPan]@Flowers500 ikr, in fact even Cinderella had her own room in the Disney film so providing a permanent space in a shared room is actually low bar by Disney stepmum standards![/quote]
Yup. If you gave even 1% of a fuck about the child, you could do this bloody easily.

Double bedroom: one half nursery, one half girl's bedroom. Pick a nice colour, put in a single bed on one side and a cot on the other. Get a lovely lightsome cute storage, a nice comfy armchair. You've got a shared bedroom! Easy. More than enough space.

I assume you’ll be looking to have your DSD for more time as she gets a bit older? Weeks at a time during the holidays?

Once she's old enough to babysit and earn her keep I'm sure the attitude will change. Dear StepMummy needs time to shop so she can fill up the dressing room, after all ...

Ican't give everyone everything and it's the dad that has to insist really not me.
It's a shame you've chosen to settle with a man who's happy to shove his child to one side so his new woman can have her little luxuries like a dressing room and her dream nursery for the new baby. It's quite convenient for you though.

With one half of the couple being me, me,me and the other half happy to sideline their child, I feel for the poor child in this situation.