Nursery for new baby, takes away bedroom for DSS

[Biffasum11]

Hi All,

Just need some advice from those that have maybe been in my shoes. Me and my husband have been married 3 years and are now expecting our first baby together. My husband has a dauggter with another woman who is almost 7. I have been in DSD life since she was two. We live in a three bed semi and saved to buy it. Currently we have our master bedroom , our spare room that is my dressing room/ DSD room when she's here. She's is here once a month for the weekend due to distance. Her mum moved 300 miles away when she was 1 year old. Our third bedroom is a box room and is now an office due to me working from home. We only have a small lounge dinner and very small kitchen so I needed a dedicated work space. Now my baby arrival is fairly soon. I would love a nursery I have always envisioned a lovely space with a rocking chair and a cot with all their little bits. Realistically we do need the spare room space for the baby as our living space would be too small and cluttered to keep everything there. But this would mean DSD has no room at ours and would need to sleep on a blowup bed or on the sofa. I do feel awful but at the same time I would love to have a decorated nursery. We can't move right now as would mean paying large sum for early repayment for our fixed rate. And just makes little sense to throw away thousands and we wouldn't get a four bed for what we could afford once we pay those charges. Plus when it's just us two house size is no issue. Should I feel like I'm just evil ? Husband seems fine to make me a nursery and doesn't seem to have any guilt so should I just enjoy it and not overhthink?

@EileenGC

‘My little bit of luxury, my appearance, my dressing table, my taste’. Those are all fine OP, except there’s now TWO small children that need to come first. Why do you refuse to even consider your DSD’s bed being a permanent fixture in the house? She doesn’t need a rollaway if you have space for a normal bed and a cot. Would it be so awful to see her unoccupied bed every morning as you do your make up?

You don’t seem to like the DSD very much, you and your Instagram-like appearance and baby nursery sound more important than her.

Absolutely this. It's all me, me, me.

Great updates , as I said earlier , me , me , me , it’s ok @Biffasum11 , I’m sure your SD will stop wanting to come at all soon as she’s been made to feel so welcome and that will solve your issue entirely .

Have you any room for a shed in your garden? You could get one wired up and insulated and made into an office

@Eeiliethya

Well, I'm not normally a grump on here but you sound like a fucking dick.

This. You absolutely cannot send the message to your DSD that when new baby comes she gets her room taken away; as PP have said, it should be able to easily fit a single and a cot in if it has a double in at the moment.

BTW I have to say, a room in a 3 bed house is not and never will be a dressing room. A dressing room is a walk in wardrobe in a mansion.

If I met anyone who had a 3 bed and started banging on about dressing rooms I would be laughing inside.

I say this as someone who has just bought a 3 bed, and am very happy about it, and whose daughter went to a prep school in Surrey where it was wall to wall actual dressing rooms. Get real OP.

I think your desire for a nursery is far outweighed by your stepdaughter’s need for a space to feel at home in her dad’s house.

She didn’t choose for her parents to split or her mother to move her so far away. She also didn’t choose to have a stepmother or for her dad to have another child. The adults in her life made these decisions for her. Don’t make things more difficult because of daydreams about a pretty nursery.

Either make the space work for both children or get rid of your office and work somewhere else in the home.

Good luck with your new baby .

OP: Should I do x
Everyone: No, horrible idea
OP: Still gonna

@PiggyMelon

My master has wardrobe space but isn't adequate for both myself and my partner. I'm not a nudist i work, I go out to meet people, I do activities. Which all require clothing.

Oh yes, the rest of us are nudists that don't require work or home clothes. None of us require clothing.

How do us mere mortals cope without a dressing room eh?

We have a double bed in my 8 month old baby's 'nursery'. He sleeps in his cot. When he is unsettled, sick, not sleeping for whatever reason, the spare double bed is an absolute godsend. We couldn't be without it! I would keep it, or at the very least a single bed in the nursery, that you can use when your DSD isn't there but is her own nice bed with her choice duvet etc when she is there.

Your vile with every update.

Just remember OP, if he can treat his first child this way, he will be capable of doing the same to your child at some point in the future. How would you feel if your DC was evicted from thier room and onto the sofa?

FFS, if it's a double room, just make it work for both children, the way other parents do when they have 2DCs

@Fullofglee

Poor child.
not envy

Put a mirror up beside your work desk and keep your make up in a box under your desk.

Nobody needs a room dedicated to their clothes and make up. It's nice if you have the space.

You dont.

Actually can't believe this thread is real. OP asking if she's being evil and the majority of posters saying yeh that's really not on, and OP saying oh well I'm going to do it anyway. And the poor DSD dad doesn't seem to give a toss!!

@Biffasum11

I don't agree that DSD must have their very own room when she does indeed have her own space at her home with her mum. Double bed will go as spare room will be My babies room. That was always the plan until we move but we don't have plans to in near future. When DSD comes we generally go out , then enjoy family time , having meals together, movie night etc because we don't get to see her very often so infact she spends very little time upstairs.

If it’s so infrequent, and really not a big deal, why don’t you and DH sleep on the sofa when she comes and give her your bed?

Does it seem like a bigger deal when it’s you who is getting the shitty end of the stick?

Hey OP we have one of these www.ikea.com/gb/en/p/lycksele-murbo-chair-bed-vallarum-turquoise-s79134167/
With this mattress (the more expensive of the 3 options) it’s really comfortable and I’d happily sleep on it every day. You could get something like that but I don’t see what the problem is with just having an actual single bed in there. And not letting DSD have any say in the decor is ridiculous. You can’t just erase all traces of her when she’s not there, she is part of your family whether you like it or not!

Welcome to Mumsnet mummysharky

No nerves touched here @Beautiful3, still married to the guy I met at school and living happily with our kids... Nice to know where your prejudice lies though

Your kids choosing to sleep out with their own space is not the same as a child not having access to their own space in their parents home! She needs a bed to sit/lay on, or atleast her own choice of bedding/wall pictures in a shared space if OP goes down the sofa bed route.

Basically - her husband's child doesnt need a foldaway/inflatable guest bed because she's not a guest!

@mummysharky

This little girl is also important and should have what she needs. And if you consider having a bed rolling out the red carpets I’d hate to see your idea of basic hospitality.

If I was doing this I think I would: move the office into the second bedroom, move the baby into the box room and then get one of those wall mounted Murphy beds for the spare room: decorate it suitably for your DSD and a grown up and then use that as your study when she's not there and accept you'll have to decamp to the dining room when she is. Those beds can have a full size desk on them you can have out most of the time but fold down to convert into a proper bed that could be used for a spare bed and to turn the room properly into DSD's bedroom when she was there. You may even still be able to fit your wardrobe in there.

@mummysharky, I don't think there's anything wrong with rolling out a red carpet for a 7 year old who only visits once a month. But I do agree with you that the OP should incorporate a dedicated space for her step-daughter in one of the bedrooms.

I don't like threads like this that come across like when the stepchild visits the red carpets are rolled out. Just no

Ye Gods, there are two of you! I bet if I told you we bought a bigger house to accommodate my stepchildren it would blow your tiny minds.

I don't like threads like this that come across like when the stepchild visits the red carpets are rolled out

lol. Yeah you've read the thread properly

The OP is talking about her and her DP barely being bothered to roll out a roll bed for the girl, let alone a red carpet.

@mummysharky

providing a bed for your own child is rolling out the red carpets?? Jesus.