Nursery for new baby, takes away bedroom for DSS

[Biffasum11]

Hi All,

Just need some advice from those that have maybe been in my shoes. Me and my husband have been married 3 years and are now expecting our first baby together. My husband has a dauggter with another woman who is almost 7. I have been in DSD life since she was two. We live in a three bed semi and saved to buy it. Currently we have our master bedroom , our spare room that is my dressing room/ DSD room when she's here. She's is here once a month for the weekend due to distance. Her mum moved 300 miles away when she was 1 year old. Our third bedroom is a box room and is now an office due to me working from home. We only have a small lounge dinner and very small kitchen so I needed a dedicated work space. Now my baby arrival is fairly soon. I would love a nursery I have always envisioned a lovely space with a rocking chair and a cot with all their little bits. Realistically we do need the spare room space for the baby as our living space would be too small and cluttered to keep everything there. But this would mean DSD has no room at ours and would need to sleep on a blowup bed or on the sofa. I do feel awful but at the same time I would love to have a decorated nursery. We can't move right now as would mean paying large sum for early repayment for our fixed rate. And just makes little sense to throw away thousands and we wouldn't get a four bed for what we could afford once we pay those charges. Plus when it's just us two house size is no issue. Should I feel like I'm just evil ? Husband seems fine to make me a nursery and doesn't seem to have any guilt so should I just enjoy it and not overhthink?

Put baby in the box room, they don't need much space and have the other room as an office/sleeping area for DSD, she's too young to sleep downstairs on her own.

This is such a sad read, I just can't understand why you would ever think it is ok to put your DSD on the sofa?! Cruel beyond belief!

Op ain't coming back.

Baby will be in your room for the first 6 months to a year. Your dsd and son can share a room until you get a new house. Take your dressing table out and put a cot in it's place. In my experience, when you're pregnant you want the nice insta perfect nursery but when babies here you won't even care. Our nursery never got completed until our baby was 3 months old because of covid delaying things and I don't feel like I missed out on anything. Also, your dsd might feel pushed out with a new baby coming along. Making her sleep on the sofa will make her feel it even more.

Your need to decorate and have a nursery is ridiculous.

The need for the baby to have their own room after they are 6 months and when you no longer wish to share a bedroom yes.

The larger bedroom could be an office and baby bedroom as the baby will be in childcare when you are working. Or DSD and baby share and you decorate their areas accordingly.

Either way you're losing your dressing soon to time to start thinning out your wardrobes!

@ElizaLynn

This is such a sad read, I just can't understand why you would ever think it is ok to put your DSD on the sofa?! Cruel beyond belief!

There's a similar thread weekly, which is even sadder

Wow what a selfish step mother and piss poor father. Poor DSD. You knew this man had a daughter and you continued the relationship- you need to accept that DSD needs to feel welcome when she’s home and not just a guest- even if it’s only a weekend. Please rethink your plans otherwise you’ll suffer the repercussions of a fractured relationship with DSD which may lead to a difficult relationship with her father.

There's a similar thread weekly, which is even sadder

That's a gross exaggeration. Threads about SC needing to share bedrooms are common, threads suggesting they not have a bedroom at all are rare.

I think our pregnant princess has left the building...

Poor, poor DSD.

I think this is the most selfish thread I've ever seen on here.

Cot in your room for the first year, then DSD and the baby can share.

Declutter your wardrobe so you can move your stuff into your bedroom to make space for two children in the second bedroom. Box room stays as your office.

It was your descision to have a baby so it should be you making the sscrifices not your step daughter. You need to find a way to make it work without taking a bedroom away from your step daughter. She will likely feel a bit overwhelmed for the first few months after the baby arrives and will want somewhere to retreat to. Not to mention she will soon be a preteen and personal space and privacy will be more inportant to her.

There are lots of options that you don't even seem to be considering. The master bedroom can become the office and DSDs bedroom, you get the middle bedroom and the box room is the nursery.

Or extend or get a shed to get some office space.

Or baby stays with you for 3 years until you can afford a bigger place.

Or you find a new job where you don't need so much office space at home.

How many people actually use a baby nursery with all the cute bits? I never bothered to set up my sons and I’m glad as he’s still in bed with me at 9mo!

(I’m not adding suggestions as OP clearly isn’t returning)

She means. She wants a nursery (and to dress it, probably for Instagram!) and do the whole first child thing. Her way or the higher I'd imagine.

You can have either an office or a nursery - pick one. It is totally unreasonable for your DSD not to have her own space when you have three bedrooms and are going to be on maternity leave. Can you put up a folding table in her room when she isn’t there to work? We had to do that during home schooling when we needed three work spaces

There are lots of options that you don't even seem to be considering. The master bedroom can become the office and DSDs bedroom, you get the middle bedroom and the box room is the nursery.

This is unnecessarily convoluted, isn't it? Just the middle room becomes OPs office as well as DSDs bedroom makes much more sense, no need to switch her to the master bedroom.

God that’s just disgusting.

I can't read all the posts I read the majority

When I say dressing room it's a room that has a double bed, a wardrobe and a dressing table. My master has wardrobe space but isn't adequate for both myself and my partner. I'm not a nudist i work, I go out to meet people, I do activities. Which all require clothing. When DSD comes she brings a bag and I clear out my dressing table for the weekend and just use a makeup bag. 3/4 weekends I have the luxury if using my little dressing table , because again I like to take pride in my appearance. It was my little bit of luxury but was always going to go. So DSD's room always had a duel purpose. Whether it was a guest room or DSD was staying or simply my dressing room. I do feel awful , but my baby is coming with clothes and cribs and matts , I need the space of the spare room. I think a small single can be put in there with a cot. I've seen camper beds or something like that , they look nice and can be put away when she not here . That will work I take that on board. But it will be decorated to my taste as the room is already.

You don't appear to view her as a part of your family.

Camp beds nice? Totally bonkers! & selfish

Typical with posters just biting to have a go, take no notice @Biffasum11 as these woman would of been just as excited as you in their first pregnancy wanting a nursery. My first house was tiny, I had to put wardrobes in the other bedroom as no space in the master so I get it. Your SD is clothed, loved and fed, the outrage over her sleeping arrangements 12 times a year is ridiculous.

@aSofaNearYou

There's a similar thread weekly, which is even sadder

That's a gross exaggeration. Threads about SC needing to share bedrooms are common, threads suggesting they not have a bedroom at all are rare.

My opinion is they're not rare

My, me, I - you realise that other's feelings are important too? ME, ME, ME, I - what an ego...