Nursery for new baby, takes away bedroom for DSS

[Biffasum11]

Hi All,

Just need some advice from those that have maybe been in my shoes. Me and my husband have been married 3 years and are now expecting our first baby together. My husband has a dauggter with another woman who is almost 7. I have been in DSD life since she was two. We live in a three bed semi and saved to buy it. Currently we have our master bedroom , our spare room that is my dressing room/ DSD room when she's here. She's is here once a month for the weekend due to distance. Her mum moved 300 miles away when she was 1 year old. Our third bedroom is a box room and is now an office due to me working from home. We only have a small lounge dinner and very small kitchen so I needed a dedicated work space. Now my baby arrival is fairly soon. I would love a nursery I have always envisioned a lovely space with a rocking chair and a cot with all their little bits. Realistically we do need the spare room space for the baby as our living space would be too small and cluttered to keep everything there. But this would mean DSD has no room at ours and would need to sleep on a blowup bed or on the sofa. I do feel awful but at the same time I would love to have a decorated nursery. We can't move right now as would mean paying large sum for early repayment for our fixed rate. And just makes little sense to throw away thousands and we wouldn't get a four bed for what we could afford once we pay those charges. Plus when it's just us two house size is no issue. Should I feel like I'm just evil ? Husband seems fine to make me a nursery and doesn't seem to have any guilt so should I just enjoy it and not overhthink?

What will happen, OP, when your maternity leave ends? Will you get a nanny, or work part-time until your baby can be cared for in the home of a childminder? I'm presuming you won't be able to work from home and look after your little one at the same time - well you won't, not safely. I was wondering how working at home with a toddler around is going to work: doable? Hard?

Do you think you might like to get a garden room to serve as your office? Are you self-employed? Are you employed and there is a potential that you might be going back to the office and not needing the size of office space you have now?

I don't know why you have asked as you clearly think your need for a lovely nursery trumps your husbands child's needs.

@LifeIsAMotorway

I’m sorry, I’ve been lazy and not read beyond page 2, but I don’t see why room 2 (the bigger room) can’t continue to be DSD’s room and the office and DS in the tiny room?

Because then she can't pretty up the nursery for Instagram. Apparently having a baby room in shades of grey is more important than step dd feeling welcome.

Oh wait, I forgot to say that she can't have her dressing room then. Apparently.

Let's be honest, it's no wonder OPs DH isn't fussed, he's barely a parent to this little girl anyway. One weekend per month is shocking. I don't care how far away you live he should be making way more effort.

Keeping a spare room empty for occasional use is ridiculous. Don't feel guilty, just let the kids share the nursery when your DSD is there.

Would this help? www.studybed.co.uk/ Its a bed that is also a desk and you can leave everything set up on it when making it a bed. I think they do made to measure too. It would be cheaper than moving. The line where you said you are not Harry Potter made me thing, do you have space to turn under your stairs into a home working area?

A dressing room in a 3 bed semi?!! Poor DSD. ☹️

@Biffasum11
You sound so selfish that I’m hoping this thread is a wind up.

Read the comments people have written. What you’re planning to do is really unkind and your husband sounds awful 😞

Yeah just shove the kid on the sofa, she's only in your way one weekend a month.
Fucking hell.

Babies aren't so fussy. They don't need their own room.
Personally, if my stepmum kicked me out of my bedroom to turn it into a nursery, I'd feel very hurt and unwelcome.

I do feel awful but at the same time I would love to have a decorated nursery

A wise person once said "Everything before the 'but' is bullshit".

Your poor DSD, with a father and stepmother like you

@KurtWilde

Let's be honest, it's no wonder OPs DH isn't fussed, he's barely a parent to this little girl anyway. One weekend per month is shocking. I don't care how far away you live he should be making way more effort.

Oh be fair, 300 miles is a hell of a trek once a month, let alone more often.

I think you need to forget your nursery dreams, OP, your house just isn’t big enough to accommodate it.

They have to share. You are being totally unreasonable to even consider doing this to a seven year old girl who doesn't get to live with both parents under one roof. I even felt a bit ashamed just reading this.

@ThursdayWeld

I do feel awful but at the same time I would love to have a decorated nursery

A wise person once said "Everything before the 'but' is bullshit".

Your poor DSD, with a father and stepmother like you

yup this. "I am not prejudiced but" "I don't want to offend you but....." "I'd love to come to the party but"

That but means "reverse everthing that comes before it"

Why can't your "dressing room" be a nursery/stepdaughters room? Then you can keep your office. You don't need a dressing room in any way.

You don’t need a nursery now OP - the baby will have to sleep in your room for 6 months at least (both mine were still feeding at night up to a year). Leave things as they are while your DSD gets used to the adjustment. You don’t need a changing table (mat is fine and safer) and you don’t need a wardrobe for the baby - a cot and a drawer will be fine. Drawer could be in DSD’s room. If you have to move baby out then put them in the box room as office won’t be needed.

When mat leave ends, baby and DSD share and you keep your office. It’s a no brainer.

Non issue til the baby is 1 to be honest leave it as is and then it’s a shared room once baby goes to own room!

You’re looking at moving in a couple of years? Then there’s absolutely no problem. Baby is in with you until you move. Everyone else carries on as normal. You save a tonne of cash on pointless nursery stuff. There are no downsides.

@Willwebebuyingnumber11

If you and your husband split and he has more children, would you be happy for your daughter to sleep on a sofa while his new children have lovely bedrooms?

Your answer to this is the answer to your question.

@Willwebebuyingnumber11 this 🙌🏻 I'm appalled she's even considering this!

@bridgetreilly

You’re looking at moving in a couple of years? Then there’s absolutely no problem. Baby is in with you until you move. Everyone else carries on as normal. You save a tonne of cash on pointless nursery stuff. There are no downsides.

Well I think that's a bit much, I would see having my DD in with me for 2 years as a downside, because I didn't want to cosleep or share a room with a child beyond the necessary point. It would have had a pretty negative impact on my mental health.

Far more sensible to turn the box room into a room for the baby (once they are old enough) and move the office stuff into DSDs room, getting rid of the "dressing room" idea, in my opinion.

I hope no one ever treats your DC with the same callousness and selfishness that you and your DH are showing to your DSD.

@bridgetreilly

You’re looking at moving in a couple of years? Then there’s absolutely no problem. Baby is in with you until you move. Everyone else carries on as normal. You save a tonne of cash on pointless nursery stuff. There are no downsides.

All fine. Till they have the next one...

There are a few solutions for you OP. I hope you manage to get it sorted.

I think at the very least, dsd shouldn’t have the bigger bedroom all to herself anymore, which is very logical and fair if I’m honest. She will either have to move in to the box room if she is to have a room all to herself or share with the baby in the bigger room. Either way I don’t see why when there are options, a child who will live there full time should have to share with parents or have a box room while a non resident child has a big bedroom all to herself.