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Original poster

Nursery for new baby, takes away bedroom for DSS

777 replies

Biffasum11 · 10/07/2021 14:50

Hi All,

Just need some advice from those that have maybe been in my shoes. Me and my husband have been married 3 years and are now expecting our first baby together. My husband has a dauggter with another woman who is almost 7. I have been in DSD life since she was two. We live in a three bed semi and saved to buy it. Currently we have our master bedroom , our spare room that is my dressing room/ DSD room when she's here. She's is here once a month for the weekend due to distance. Her mum moved 300 miles away when she was 1 year old. Our third bedroom is a box room and is now an office due to me working from home. We only have a small lounge dinner and very small kitchen so I needed a dedicated work space. Now my baby arrival is fairly soon. I would love a nursery I have always envisioned a lovely space with a rocking chair and a cot with all their little bits. Realistically we do need the spare room space for the baby as our living space would be too small and cluttered to keep everything there. But this would mean DSD has no room at ours and would need to sleep on a blowup bed or on the sofa. I do feel awful but at the same time I would love to have a decorated nursery. We can't move right now as would mean paying large sum for early repayment for our fixed rate. And just makes little sense to throw away thousands and we wouldn't get a four bed for what we could afford once we pay those charges. Plus when it's just us two house size is no issue. Should I feel like I'm just evil ? Husband seems fine to make me a nursery and doesn't seem to have any guilt so should I just enjoy it and not overhthink?

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takealettermsjones · 10/07/2021 17:09

This has to be a joke.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 10/07/2021 17:10

Wow, your husband is fine with putting his own child on a bloody lilo or the sofa during his contact? What a peach. Did you two not think of this and plan? Poor kid.

airbags · 10/07/2021 17:12

[quote User5827372728]@airbags

Yes I agreed upthread and gave lots of suggestions; but I think for 2/30 nights your post was a bit harsh.[/quote]
I respect your opinion but am a firm believer that the 7yo can share with the baby during her visits when the time comes. As someone above said the 3 bedrooms are currently the OP's bedroom, her dressing room and her office. Many have said she is displacing her step daughter and that she doesn't really want the "advice" that she asked for in her post and is in fact looking for validation. It doesn't matter if it's only 2 days per month - you don't risk alienating a child for the sake of someone's shoes. It's about compromise and a day bed in the baby's room is exactly that - even if it's screws up the unrealistic dream of the perfect nursery.

LH1987 · 10/07/2021 17:15

Feel a bit bad for SD in this. Just put a desk in your bedroom. If you need to do conference calls just have a background on.

pastabest · 10/07/2021 17:15

Why do you need a dressing room when you work from home?

MouldyPotato · 10/07/2021 17:15

@pastabest

Why do you need a dressing room when you work from home?
I imagine OP still wears clothes and maybe goes out once in a while
Azerothi · 10/07/2021 17:17

At least you'll be well prepared for how your husband will treat your child if you ever split up.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 10/07/2021 17:19

I have two rooms in my house I could turn into rooms specifically for me. But I am one of four people in my house so to take them for my own is a bit shitty.

Wheelz46 · 10/07/2021 17:20

Intentionally or not, your DSD is being pushed out, pushed out of her room and pushed into the living room on an air bed.

It maybe only once a month that she stays over but she needs to feel welcome and loved and part of the family, what if she decided to stay for more weekends, do you still think it reasonable for those sleeping arrangements?

It can be extremely hard for some step children who end up with step siblings if they don't feel like they are being treated the same as their siblings. How would you feel about this if it was your child being pushed out to sleep in the lounge on a air bed?

I have seen some great suggestions on here, being a cot underneath a high rise bed or an office desk under a high rise bed.

Could you have your office in your own bedroom? Alot of our office workers have a good office set up where they sleep.

NeedNewKnees · 10/07/2021 17:20

Jeez, poor kid! You get the use of 3 rooms currently and you're advocating an airbed in the living room for your DH's eldest?

No more dressing room, it becomes Office/DSD's room and box room becomes baby's room. Can't imagine a 7yo girl would be thrilled sharing with a baby who is up multiple times a night.

Blondeshavemorefun · 10/07/2021 17:21

Wow a few harsh comments. Op only asked if ok, the dad does t seem bothered

As dds stays once a month makes sense to have the larger of spare room as your office and step daughter in that room

Baby in box room. Is it big enough for cot wardrobe chair - ours is. Dd is in it

Or

Box room as your office

Spare room and dsd and baby share

Will you be wfh in a year

Happyhappyday · 10/07/2021 17:22

I get your space is tight, but you married a man with a child. Honestly, what on earth did you think was going to happen? And what were you thinking when you bought that house? You’re going to have to suck it up one way or the other and it seems like your newborn having a precious nursery is the lowest priority here.

Grow up.

takealettermsjones · 10/07/2021 17:22

OP, you and your husband have the master, half the spare room, and all of the box room for your use. Not to mention that you have a lounge/diner and a kitchen as well. His daughter has half the spare room, which she's sharing with your clothes.

Rather than give up any part of your huge majority for the baby, you are choosing to remove the tiny slice of personal space your step daughter has.

Metabigot · 10/07/2021 17:22

@Biffasum11

I need my office for work long term if I'm honest, will be fine for my maternity but once I'm back I'd have to reclaim the space after 6 months ... a deck with my monitors and chair. A bed wont fit in there too.
I shared my office with the babys cot the first 2 years... daytime nap she went in older brothers room whilst he was at school in the travel cot. Night time she went in the office where her cot was located... could you do a similar 'time share' arrangement?
Mixmeup · 10/07/2021 17:22

What would you want for a little girl that was yours and going far away on her own to her daddy's house to stay with him and his new family? Then do that.

Challengerice · 10/07/2021 17:22

@takealettermsjones

This has to be a joke.
You’ve not been on the step parenting section before have you?

This is run of the mill

warmfluffytowels · 10/07/2021 17:23

I imagine OP still wears clothes and maybe goes out once in a while

She doesn't need a dressing room to do that Grin

RamItBunty · 10/07/2021 17:24

ReRead your own post @Blondeshavemorefun. The dad doesn’t seem bovvered
That’s evident. The girl dad has no issue with his own child being slung on a sofa because no one can be bothered adequately accommodating her needs

Bluedeblue · 10/07/2021 17:24

You can PORT the mortgage to a new property and avoid ERP.

Nononsense2 · 10/07/2021 17:25
  • "Should I feel like I'm just evil ?" Yes, you should. I feel sorry for your sd, since your idea of decorating a nursery seems more important than her feeling welcome and part of the family.
sonypony · 10/07/2021 17:25

I would have box room as office and two children share the second room. Or second room nursery and you change your desk to one of this type of thing so DSD can sleep in the office. Unless you have room in the garden and enough money to build an office out there. No need for DSD to be sleeping on a blow up bed IMO.

peepopeepopeepo · 10/07/2021 17:26

Er YAB massively U. Imagine how that will make DSS feel. A new sibling and they are immediately turfed out onto the sofa.

Babies don't give a shiny shit what their nurseries look like.

Work from your bedroom. That's what my husband does. 3 of us in a 500sq ft flat.

takealettermsjones · 10/07/2021 17:26

@Challengerice I definitely don't frequent it much! But I still think it's bonkers.

Blondeshavemorefun · 10/07/2021 17:26

@RamItBunty

ReRead your own post *@Blondeshavemorefun*. The dad doesn’t seem bovvered That’s evident. The girl dad has no issue with his own child being slung on a sofa because no one can be bothered adequately accommodating her needs
I meant that so many are slamming op as step mum making no space

Dad is to blame as well

BakewellGin1 · 10/07/2021 17:26

Sorry I do think you are being unreasonable but that is based on you needing a bedroom, office and dressing room Grin clearly your needs are above anyone else's.

How about...

Put your collection of clothes and shoes in your bedroom like most people have to who live in an average house with children

You don't need all your office equipment whilst on maternity and you may need to work at work when you return regardless.

I actually think your husband is a bit of a dick for supporting you in taking away his child's space but that's just my opinion

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