Nursery for new baby, takes away bedroom for DSS

[Biffasum11]

Hi All,

Just need some advice from those that have maybe been in my shoes. Me and my husband have been married 3 years and are now expecting our first baby together. My husband has a dauggter with another woman who is almost 7. I have been in DSD life since she was two. We live in a three bed semi and saved to buy it. Currently we have our master bedroom , our spare room that is my dressing room/ DSD room when she's here. She's is here once a month for the weekend due to distance. Her mum moved 300 miles away when she was 1 year old. Our third bedroom is a box room and is now an office due to me working from home. We only have a small lounge dinner and very small kitchen so I needed a dedicated work space. Now my baby arrival is fairly soon. I would love a nursery I have always envisioned a lovely space with a rocking chair and a cot with all their little bits. Realistically we do need the spare room space for the baby as our living space would be too small and cluttered to keep everything there. But this would mean DSD has no room at ours and would need to sleep on a blowup bed or on the sofa. I do feel awful but at the same time I would love to have a decorated nursery. We can't move right now as would mean paying large sum for early repayment for our fixed rate. And just makes little sense to throw away thousands and we wouldn't get a four bed for what we could afford once we pay those charges. Plus when it's just us two house size is no issue. Should I feel like I'm just evil ? Husband seems fine to make me a nursery and doesn't seem to have any guilt so should I just enjoy it and not overhthink?

@SouthOfFrance

Pretty sure if you move house you don't need to pay an early repayment fee, you just switch your mortgage to the new property.

But anyway, you have 3 bedrooms, I think it's unfair to make a child sleep on the sofa in this situation. Move your office downstairs or put a small bed in the office room along with a small desk.

You’d have to ask the lender about porting your mortgage. Usually have to meet lending requirements and checks.

Yabu to even consider making DSD sleep on the sofa. Plus how do you expect her to sleep if you want to watch tv in the evening or something? Since she's 7 presumably she goes to bed well before you.

Move your clothes into your room to free up space in the spare room and either:

1. move your desk into spare room/DSD's room, use as an office when she's not there and make the box room the nursery

Or 2. DSD and baby will share the spare room and keep the office where it is

My friend has 10 children in a 3 bed

None of them sleep on a blow up bed in the front room.

They did tons of thing. Converted their loft. Converted their garage. They also added an office in the garden. It’s like a fully equipped summer house type thing.

So many options rather than chucking your daughter out of her room.

What's wrong with making your dressing room into one pretty room for your DSD and baby to share?

The fact your husband, is completely unbothered either way speaks volumes to me.

This child comes to you once a month and lives on the other side of the country.

Poor thing - she must feel like a spare part when she visits

So you get a dressing room and an office for your 17 monitors and DSD gets a blow up bed?

What a kick in the teeth for her, although if you crack on with this plan then the problem will be solved soon enough by the fact that she will stop visiting altogether.

Have another think. You must be able to get your work stuff in another room somehow and if not, then rent an office space or get a garden room or something.

@Toooldtobother

Yes you should all move into one room and your own child should never have its own bedroom. Seriously, mumsnet is full of shit sometimes!

So instead of placing a bed into the nursery having the seven year old sleep on the floor/settee like some sofa surfing drunk friend is the alternative?

How will an empty bed negatively impact OP's child?!

Do people seriously parent like this?!

Challengerice OP did say the plan was to move into a 4 bed so that might be nearer DSC?

So, when you move to a 4 bed, will you want another cold?

Back to square one….

You don't need a nursery, the baby will be in your room 6-12 months anyway so it'll be an empty room for up to a year that just looks pretty. If I was you I'd change the box room into the baby's room when they are ready to go into their own room and then make an office space in your step daughter's room. If you don't work weekends you won't have issues of you both needing the space and she gets to keep her room. All you need in a nursery is the cot and a set of drawers, the rocking chair would only be there to look pretty.

Cold? Child!

our spare room that is my dressing room/ DSD room when she's here

Poor girl doesn’t even have her own space to begin with but now they even want to take that space away from her-awful.

Can they share the small room once baby has moved out your room? Or put baby in a travel cot in your room when DsC visits. And give the room a lick of paint they'll both like?

[quote User5827372728]@airbags

We are talking about 2/30 nights[/quote]
So a child visiting her dad doesn't have the right to her own bed - even a day bed in a baby's room that's dual purpose? What about if she wants to stay for a week in the holidays?
Sorry - I stand by what I said. She should have a space in the baby's room until such time they move to a bigger house. Poor kid. Those 2/30 nights will become 0/30 based on the little regard her step mum has for her.

Box room can be your office/dressing room

YABU for adding an additional person to your household without thinking this through first.

Existing child should have a nice, safe and comfortable place to stay for her visits as a priority.

So you live in a 3 bed house and you currently see the bedrooms as your master bedroom, your dressing room and your office?!
Either the dressing room has to go and move the office to the "spare" room which can fit a bed in it for your DSD and use the box room as the nursery. A cot /cot bed should fit in there without a problem.
Or keep the box room as an office, lose the dressing room and set this up as a children's room which can be shared by both dcs when your DSD stays with you.
Alternatively you can have an office in your garden or your bedroom.

@airbags

Yes I agreed upthread and gave lots of suggestions; but I think for 2/30 nights your post was a bit harsh.

I’m Astonished your partner is not advocating for his daughter Is he passively accepting your ill treatment of his daughter?You have adequate space and are choosing not to utilise it. Your Priorities are all skewed.

@Nocutenamesleft

My friend has 10 children in a 3 bed

None of them sleep on a blow up bed in the front room.

They did tons of thing. Converted their loft. Converted their garage. They also added an office in the garden. It’s like a fully equipped summer house type thing.

So many options rather than chucking your daughter out of her room.

Your friend doesn’t own a three bed does she?

She owns a 5 bedroom house with a separate summer room / office

All I got from that was YOUVE got a bedroom YOUVE got a dressing room YOUVE got an office now YOU want a pimped up nursery. DSD get the option of a blow up bed or the sofa. Wow. You'd probably treat a dog better 👍🏼

So your clothes are more important than a real child. Righto.

I'm in the minority in that I think that for one weekend a month a blow up bed wouldn't be the end of the world. However I would say that having them share the second bedroom seems the most logical. Dd2 was in with us until she was past a year old (the cot barely squeezed in our room but we just managed, changed the nappy on a mat on our bed). Now they're in our 2nd room with dd1 on a mid sleeper (IKEA Jura) and dd2 on the floor underneath it. They share a chest of drawers for clothes and have joint toy storage. Since your sd is with you so rarely I would've thought this would work fine in the long term? In the shorter term you can make sure she still has a bed in there but potentially have a chair if it would fit and have babies changing stuff in there on a chest of drawers? Since baby won't need a sleeping space for a while!

You really need to reread your posts @Biffasum11 , they are very me , me ,me try having a think about what it is like to be a 7 yo who doesn’t live ft with her dad and see if you can actually wrap your brain around this from her perspective .

@Nocutenamesleft

My friend has 10 children in a 3 bed

None of them sleep on a blow up bed in the front room.

They did tons of thing. Converted their loft. Converted their garage. They also added an office in the garden. It’s like a fully equipped summer house type thing.

So many options rather than chucking your daughter out of her room.

Your friend deserves a medal. That's not a family - that's a football team! A family bloody football team!

It's clear from this thread there are two very different standards of parenting. The inclusive or the out of sight out of mind. It's really heartbreaking what you read on here sometimes.

Imagine the poor little thing turning up for the first visit.

'There's your new bed babe, the air mattress in the corner.'