AIBU to say DH will need to make other arrangements

[Wriggling]

I often help DH with school runs on his days with DSC.

I am currently off work on the final leg of my maternity leave and as baby groups have now reopened I want to make the most of these with a friend who is also on maternity.

Unfortunately the group lands on the morning I sometimes help out with school runs and it is at exactly the same time.

AIBU to say to DH that I can't do this anymore on this particular day unfortunately and he will need to make other arrangements between himself and ex?

YANBU. You won’t get this chance again, and it’s your time to choose what to do with. You’ve missed out on these opportunities because of the restrictions, so now you should grab them with both hands if you want to!

You’ve been very kind and generous to help so far, but he needs to make other arrangements now.

It's definitely down to him to sort it out.

I'm surprised a baby group is falling at the same time as school drop off. Usually they don't start any kind of children's groups until after 9 at least for that very reason.
I suppose its not being unreasonable though. They're not your kids.

It's at 9:15 but I wouldn't get there in time once I'd waited at the playground for DSC to go in, got back to car, and driven over there. It's about a 20 minute drive from the school in good traffic.

Where is dh when you help out with the school runs?

I guess when you are back at work they will need to make other arrangements so they just need to bring those forward a couple of months.

He's at work but when I was in work he would sometimes go in a little late and just make up the time during his lunch hour. He works close by so 10/15 mins late at most.

Ex also doesn't work so whilst I appreciate it's Dad's day, there is always someone available to take them other than me.

Surely it’ll be your DH who has to make other arrangements and not something he should put on his ex if it’s his days. Do you always do it or just every so often? If it’s every so often then fine but if it’s something you do regularly as an agreement between you and DH then it’s surely more of a discussion otherwise the way it comes across is that you’re happy to be part of looking after your DSC until it’s not convenient any more.
Mumsnet loves to say they aren’t your kids etc but you’re having a baby with him which will be their sibling so you are/going to be a family and it’s not quite as simple as not my kids, not my responsibility.

Whilst I've been off I've basically been doing it most times unless baby has had a particularly bad night. Not a specific arrangement we came to just because I was here (and not been able to do much of anything throughout lockdown). I don't have much left of my maternity though so I'd like to now start doing things with it whilst I can.

Wouldn't blended families work better if all children of the family were treated the same? Dc need to get to school - whoever is available takes them. What happens when your dc goes to school? You take yours and he takes his?
During court proceedings 'children of the family' is the description given to full siblings with half siblings. Judges play great importance in this. Bowing out of contributing to the running of your family home because the dc aren't yours is vile imo. Not aimed at you op but dm's in general..

You shouldn't be doing the school runs for him regularly anyway.

He also he needs to find a long term solution for when you are back at work as you won't be able to do them for him plus he will need to help drop off/pick up your own joint child from childcare.

Is there a breakfast club he can take them to on his days? If not , then he will need to find a childminder who is happy to do school drop offs and he is the one who needs to take them to that childminder.

Is there a breakfast club he can take them to on his days? If not , then he will need to find a childminder who is happy to do school drop offs and he is the one who needs to take them to that childminder

They aren't doing BC at the moment because of Covid.

What happens when your dc goes to school? You take yours and he takes his?

Well by the time our DC is in school I imagine DSC will be in high school and getting themselves there most of the time. However, hypothetically speaking, I imagine it would be half and half. He isn't the only one who usually works, we both do, so I wouldn't expect to be the only one taking all kids to school every day but I wouldn't not take his if I were taking ours one day for example.

I don't get the 'its not exes responsibility on Dad's time' argument.

If she is a SAHM I would argue that it is absolutely her responsibility. Surely as a SAHP that is essentially your 'job'. I wouldn't expect my working husband to do school runs if I was a stay at home parent, I don't see why that changes if we split up. If I continue to be a SAHM after we split then I would expect to continue doing things like this irrespective of who's 'day' it was.

I certainly wouldn't expect to have my nice lie in half the week whilst my exes wife cancelled her plans to run our children to school.

Providing she lives close enough by which she must if they are both able to do school runs.

Of course YANBU. It's a favour, now it doesn't suit you, so they need to make arrangements.

@Aprilwasverywet

Wouldn't blended families work better if all children of the family were treated the same? Dc need to get to school - whoever is available takes them. What happens when your dc goes to school? You take yours and he takes his? During court proceedings 'children of the family' is the description given to full siblings with half siblings. Judges play great importance in this. Bowing out of contributing to the running of your family home because the dc aren't yours is vile imo. Not aimed at you op but dm's in general..

This comment is an absolute yawn. It's a totally different situation when OPs children are not yet at school.

@Wriggling

It's at 9:15 but I wouldn't get there in time once I'd waited at the playground for DSC to go in, got back to car, and driven over there. It's about a 20 minute drive from the school in good traffic.

Why do you need to wait for them to go in? Drop them off, say goodbye, leave and go to baby group. How many parents going to work hang around? My guess is none.

Dc need to get to school - whoever is available takes them.

In this case that's the Ex as OP and DH aren't available.

One of DSC doesn't like waiting on their own in the playground so someone usually stays with them. Regardless though, I'd still be late, as I say it's a 20 min drive away and thats providing traffic is okay which isn't guaranteed at that time of day.

@Wriggling YANBU at all!

@Wriggling

He's at work but when I was in work he would sometimes go in a little late and just make up the time during his lunch hour. He works close by so 10/15 mins late at most.

Ex also doesn't work so whilst I appreciate it's Dad's day, there is always someone available to take them other than me.

He should go back to doing what he did before. Doesn't sound like it was a big deal for him.

If it were me the one who doesn’t like being left alone would just have to suck it up. So the choice would be drop off and leave in enough time to reach the group by 9.15 or make other arrangements.

Having said that, it does seem a ridiculous time to hold it, how many people on maternity leave want to be out of the house at the same time that everyone’s going to work and battle rush hour traffic?

I don't mind the time tbh I've usually been up a couple of hours by then so ready to do something!

@Wriggling

Is there a breakfast club he can take them to on his days? If not , then he will need to find a childminder who is happy to do school drop offs and he is the one who needs to take them to that childminder

They aren't doing BC at the moment because of Covid.

Then he needs to find a childminder.

All the childminders in my area are back to doing school drop-offs and pick-ups.

Mine is happy to do them on a random basis for some parents due to the parents irregular shifts or the fact that the child has separated parents, it just has to be for the one particular school that is in walking distance from her house.

@Blossomtoes probably due to when the halls/space was available.

There is a church group near me that seems to a lot of their baby and toddler events at 9.30am, there as all the other churches and libraries hold them at 10am at the earliest.